I need to rant about Christmas

[Grinchmas123]

I just need to have a pointless vent about Christmas. Apologies got typos. On my mobile.

As someone who loves Christmas as its my favourite season I must have bumped my head because today I cannot understand it.

The amount of money spent on pointless shit is ridiculous. Also so is the feelings of obligation to visit people/relatives. It causes so much fucking stress for a lot of people it's unreal.

My top bug bears are:

1. Present buying. When I was a child then whenever family visited you would recieve a present and smile and say thank you. It could be a crap box of chocolates from an aunt despite you not liking chocolate or a jumper from a grandparent you'd never dream of wearing.

Presents were a nice gesture and you just smiled and gracefully accepted. Anything genuinely wanted was a bonus to recieve.

Nowadays people actually text eachother saying "little Jimmy wants xyz this year" or "can you give money instead as their saving to buy xyz".
I think its so grabby!!
First of all for all you know, aunt Ethel could be planning to buy little Jimmy a £3 toy from the second hand shop and now you've asked for money she'll have to give at least £15 or whatever to not look stingy. Second of all I understand the argument of not wanting "waste" and asking for something wanted but if you felt like that and weren't grabby then why not just say "please don't give us any gifts this year, if you really must then donate to charity". That way Aunt Ethel can give her £3 to dogs trust or whatever without embarrassment.

Another annoying present bug bear of mine is money limits. So people may say "we spent £50 on eachother". Well then you might as well use your own £50 to buy yourself something you want.
It makes no sense. A couple both have £50 each to spend on eachother. She wants perfume and he wants fishing gear. Well then take your own £50 and buy it for yourself as you know what it is and exactly how much it costs! Why go through the pretence!

That's another part of the rant.. the pretence.. its like Oscar performances. People will nowadays outright ask for something they want for Christmas. So the buyer will go and buy it and wrap it up. The other person will then open it and act all happy/suprised. But you knew what you were getting? You asked for it? Why even wrap it up? Infact just go buy it yourself.

1. Rant about obligation. The amount of people who dread having to visit in-laws, parents, extended family etc around Christmas. Spending little time off travelling, buying unwanted gifts and then sitting awkwardly at your husbands aunties kitchen table making small talk.

It's easy to say 'well don't go', but the guilt trips that go with it means that for a lot of people they then spend their time off sat at-home feeling guilty on Christmas for not playing along.

Also if you have parent/sibling etc with no one then you can't exactly feel happy to leave them on their own during Christmas while you cosy up with your own family. So you either end up hosting or visiting.

1. Birthdays. This is slightly off topic. But I have 5 relatives Birthdays including my best friends the week before Christmas. They all get me lovely birthday presents so it's only right I do it in return. But spending £25 x5 = £125. That's before I've bought for anyones actual Christmas presents including theirs.

1. The costs. This is my final part of the rant.

Just popping into the pound shop to buy wrapping paper, gift tags/bags and cellotape can cost part part of a tenner. The you've got your actual presents and all the food/drink. A way to avoid it is to spread the cost by buying in the sales throughout the year. But then you just end up having to think about Christmas the entire 12 months of the year. It ends up a burden of looking through sales in July instead of having it as 1 month of the year. What a joke for a holiday.

Needless to say if you have made it this far thank you for listening.

I am feeling very grinchy today after faffing about getting last bits at 7 months pregnant.

Next year I will be telling EVERYONE to just donate to charity and not get me a thing. Me and dp will have it just us and baby and not buy a single thing for anyone else including the kids, nor expect a thing in return. I already feel excitement just thinking about it! Feels very indulgent!

At 7 months pregnant, you can rant all you like.

I agree I hate all the mercenary expectations and bad manners. I enjoy choosing things for my family & friends. I don't spend a set amount on anyone and usually buy small quirky things. This year they range from a fruiting fig tree to earrings made by a local craftswoman. I haven't spent more then £15 on anyone except ds.

Mostly I don't worry because anyone who grumbles about presents is just rude. Xmas is enjoyed by seeing the good bits.

I adore spoiling my DP as they do so much for DD and I throughout the year. I really go to town treating them to all sorts of things they wouldn't buy themselves; expensive whisky and chocolates, cashmere socks, Oodies, all sorts of stuff.
I also adore spoiling DD7 and her DDad (it's complicated!) as again he does so much for us, saving me a small fortune throughout the year.
I love choosing gift, planning, buying and giving them. Couldn't give a toss about gifts for me, I'm happy with the stuff I already have, but it brings me great joy to treat my nearest and dearest.

I totally agree. Christmas presents are for children who don't have the means to buy things for themselves. The adults on my side of the family don't buy for each other and it's been very liberating! I also told friends a few years ago that I would no longer be buying presents and would rather go for lunch together or something. My husband's family refuse to stop buying presents and we have to supply a list of presents we would like. We are all able to buy whatever we want throughout the year, we don't need to stress out buying each other things off a list. Drives me potty.

I also have friends that have insisted we continue to buy for each other's children despite seeing them once a year, having no idea what they like and knowing that they have trillions of toys already. Each year I try to end it but forget until Dec and then they say they've already bought stuff!

I like getting together with family and friends at Christmas but since having kids we've not left home on Christmas day. The kids just want to play with their new toys.

Ah, yes! For a decade and a half, I tried to create the perfect Dickensian Christmas. We lived a perfect Dickensian life, but it was more like the wrong side of 'Oliver Twist' than the right side of 'A Christmas Carol'.

I would put up the decorations, buy a banquet, gauge (through subtle interrogation) exactly what my sons wanted, and secretly purchase the gifts in time for Christmas Day. I also visited relatives and sent out all the dutiful Christmas cards (trying to choose exactly the right card for each person).

Inevitably, Christmas failed. The presents broke, too many sweets were eaten for anyone to enjoy the meal (much less appreciate me cooking it), the relatives were the same miserable b.....ds that they were for the rest of the year and the cats always destroyed the Christmas tree (and once or twice pooed out tinsel balls).

Over the years, I began to 'end' Christmas earlier and earlier. At first, all the decorations were left up for the traditional twelve nights. Then, they remained in place (savaged by cats) until New Years Day. Finally, I noticed I was taking the decorations down and throwing away the Christmas tat on Boxing Day (and only just resisting packing it all up on Christmas night). It was then, that I thought the whole ritual was pointless.

I came to the conclusion that some people, indeed some families, really enjoy Christmas and for them, it is a very precious time of the year. However, for me, and for my family, we are just not really into Christmas.

Now my sons are young adults, I feel no obligation to pretend anymore. My relatives also agree that Christmas is, if not cancelled, it is going to be a very low key affair. In addition, Covid and financial strain may mean that many people may simply not find any sparkle (real or feigned) in Christmas this year.

So, I wish you a very peaceful non-Christmas.

@Laiste

I swore when DD1 was born that i would never leave the house on xmas day again and i have stuck to my guns.

That's 27 years and counting

I don't find the present aspect too much of a chore. I like wrapping and no one in our circle expects £££ spent. So that's nice.

I have 4 DDs (3 big + 1 small)(small still believes in santa) and i buy for them obvs.
I buy for DH.
I buy for my mum. (dad no longer with us)
I buy a token present for two of the big DDs boyf's.

DDs have 5 cousins. We buy for them. 2 of these are always just steam vouchers.
I buy a token gift for DD4 to give her best friend at school.

I do all this in Oct. It takes about an hour on Amazon plus a trip to B&M.

The bit that stresses me out is the food! The big DDs all like to meet at ours and bring their BFs telling them it's a great meal ect. My mum lives with us. It's lovely that they all want to come, but i always feel the pressure of providing A Lovely Xmas Meal for 9+ people.

@Laiste, are you cooking your Xmas dinner in your new kitchen? 🙂 No further forward with mine!

As for Xmas, it's just a load more work for women, imo. I have cut down the amount of gift buying & if we're eating at the in-laws, I don't make a huge effort with food either.

It's crap but it's your own fault for buying into it for the last however many years.

If someone wants to give me a guilt trip about something, it's fine. It just means I won't make an attempt to see them the rest of the year. Winner winner chicken dinner.

My family decided a few years ago to only buy for children - it saves a lot of money and stress. Although you do have to keep on top of it or some creeps back in. It's hard to against what has become a cultural norm.

I'm trying really hard not to over buy food because the shops are literally shut for only 2 days, but it's so hard to break the habits left over from years ago when shops really were closed for a week. I'm trying to resist the urge to stockpile. I don't like the last minute panicky feeling of having to hit the shops with a million other people two days before Christmas and fight over the fresh sprouts!

Anyone else noticed that the dates on Christmas food is very short this year, so you either buy twice or can't prepare until the last minute? It all adds to the stress.

I used to love Christmas but I'm just not feeling it anymore. I don't know if that's because as an adult it's mostly work with minimal reward or if it's a feeling of rearranging deckchairs on the titanic. I used to be able to ignore the outside world and focus only on the 'magic' but that's increasingly difficult these days.

We’ve had a family pact of no adult presents for several years and it works fine - as you say OP, just buy what you want for yourself (if you are lucky enough to be able to afford it).
We have done a bit of travelling around (UK) and have some more to come but I have enjoyed it so far.

The year I cut back was a year of great joy. Now I have grandchildren x

@Disfordarkchocolate

The year I cut back was a year of great joy. Now I have grandchildren x

Why does that mean you have to go mad?!

I realised a lot of this a few years back - we now do a small Christmas, presents only for close family, small meal, some treats, and also take time to be grateful for what has been good this year, and to re-assess what might not have been so good! Have a lovely day however you celebrate! :)

No but its now added two more people to the list. I do money and stocking fillers so definitely don't go mad.

I remember being so stressed about Christmas. I am no longer. I've bought some small token gifts and I've bought my DS some stuff. We will have really big meals on the holidays with people we love.

That's it. I've told everyone I've got enough stuff. I certainly dont want anyone to over stretch themselves to get me anything. I just want their time.

@Disfordarkchocolate

The year I cut back was a year of great joy. Now I have grandchildren x

Don't feel you have to overindulge them either, small meaningful gifts are the way to go. :)

Exactly why I’m no fan of Christmas. I’ve got 3 kids and wasted so much money over the years. If you’re pregnant then you’ve likely got years of buying pointless tat in 2/3yrs time. My advice, don’t get into buying huge piles of stuff, start as you mean to go on.

@Disfordarkchocolate

No but its now added two more people to the list. I do money and stocking fillers so definitely don't go mad.

You made it sound like an enormous hassle.

DD (11) gets similar from my parents. Just thoughtful little bits and sometimes money.

She gets nothing from DH’s parents/family because he once told them (maybe 7 years ago?) that she didn’t need anything…….

It sounds like you don't dislike Christmas, you dislike obligation and expectation.

Which is fine –but as PPs have said, they're not the same thing.

You when your friends birthdays are though so put the money up throughout the yeatr

I get mildly surprised every so often on MN by people mentioning that they get a present for teachers, for postmen, for work colleagues, for their friends, for their friend's children, for the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker...

I LOVE present buying, but it always seems insane. My MIL bought a Christmas present each for my nephews, one of whom she's never met, the other she met once four years ago. I mean... Why?

I have a small fixed list of people I buy for. Husband, parents, sister and family, an aunt.

I CELEBRATE Christmas with dozens of people. That doesn't mean buying tat for the world and his wife.

Why dont we just cancel Christmas. after all the original meaning is lost, its just a food and present free for all.

Yeah I can't be bothered with most of it. I buy my kids presents and my mother in law also (she loves to give gifts so I have to give one back). With everyone else I have an agreement of no presents - everyone can keep their money and no-one ends up with a load of tat they don't want. Saves so much effort. We do lunch on xmas day for family and some friends and once they have all buggered off that's us done for the xmas period. If it weren't for the kids I would probably do nothing at all!

@user1471538283

I remember being so stressed about Christmas. I am no longer. I've bought some small token gifts and I've bought my DS some stuff. We will have really big meals on the holidays with people we love.

That's it. I've told everyone I've got enough stuff. I certainly dont want anyone to over stretch themselves to get me anything. I just want their time.

Absolutely. On my birthday I always tell people not to buy me anything. For my 40th anyone who wanted to get me a gift was told I'd rather just do something with them (a meal, an experience pr whatever) so my gifts were meals out, west end shows etc. It was great and one of my friends and I have continued that every year (as a joint present as our birthdays are close).

I've only ever bought presents for my kids, grandkids and DH.
I've never visited anyone at Christmas, nor allowed them to visit me.
I don't understand all the mass present buying and visiting people.
It's costly in money, stress and time. I see people stressing and getting into debt or leaving themselves skint and I just think why? What for? Daft.

I have always felt like this and have never bought in to that behaviour.

My favourite memories are carol singing, buying bath salts in Woolworths and putting them in empty jamjars and putting a ribbon round the jam jar and giving to Aunts, decorating the church, giving a selection box to any small dc I know including neighbours, midnight mass, cooking Boxing Day dinner for a lunch project, making a home made Christmas wreath, drinking the baileys put out for Santa, making a Christmas display with cotton wool snowman and little animals of DS on the sideboard top.

We have some quite new neighbours whose little primary school children’s cheery hellos in lockdown when I was in my front garden warmed me. I’m pleased as all the other dc in the road are now in their twenties.