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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've told DP he can't stay this weekend

73 replies

boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 17:27

DP will more often than not spend his child free weekend at mine but tomorrow and Sunday he's on an all day course in London (about 1.5 hours away). Needs to be in central London for 10am and won't get back to our town until 8pm.

He just rang me to say he'd be over in around an hour. I explained I assumed he wouldn't be over tonight as he has to get up at silly o'clock tomorrow morning to leave for London. He'd have to have a shower and get ready at mine whilst it's still dark and would very likely wake me and my DC up on the one day we get a lay in (my house is small!).

He now appears to have the massive hump as I've told him it makes more sense for him to stay at home.

YABU - I should have said he can stay as we could spend the evening together and the morning thing isn't an issue.

YANBU - it's perfectly reasonable for me to ask him to stay at home as he would wake the whole house up very early for him to then be out the whole day.

Really not sure if I've been unreasonable here or notConfused

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 17:28

He's being a twat. Of course he should stay at his own home. Why should you and your DC have to be disturbed when you don't have to be? Selfish wanker.

SpindlesWinterWhorl · 10/12/2021 17:30

I think you're being sensible, OP.

rainbowninja · 10/12/2021 17:30

YANBU but maybe it could have been communicated a bit better, sounds like a perfectly reasonable boundary to have.

StormyTeacups · 10/12/2021 17:32

Surely him asking would be the norm? Instead of just telling you?

TwilightSkies · 10/12/2021 17:34

So he wants to use your house as somewhere to sleep for the weekend? And doesn’t care about waking you and your DCs?

JudgeRindersMinder · 10/12/2021 17:36

I think I’m you’re being a tiny bit unreasonable…unless he’s one of those people who has to get up 3 hours before he leaves the house?

Branleuse · 10/12/2021 17:37

if hes got the hump about it thats his problem. Get on with your weekend.

Lou98 · 10/12/2021 17:37

YANBU, it makes more sense for him to stay at home.
However, I do think it could have been discussed before hand, you've both assumed that the other knew what was happening. No need for him to get huffy though, it's just one of these things!

gannett · 10/12/2021 17:37

I'm not sure why both of you assumed what the plan was rather than communicating with each other.

He assumed you'd do what you usually do at the weekend, you assumed his course meant you wouldn't, and neither of you thought to confirm with the other before Friday evening.

MuckyPlucky · 10/12/2021 17:38

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Original poster
boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 17:41

@MuckyPlucky He has to get up at 6:30.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 10/12/2021 17:41

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh poor bloke, having to sleep In a lonely cold bed for a night

NynaeveSedai · 10/12/2021 17:43

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Hahahaha Omg Where did you even get 8am from?? He has his own house. Why is OP expected to provide cuddles just because the man has a busy weekend? Also what is wrong with sleeping past 9 if you're lucky enough to have children who will oblige??
SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 10/12/2021 17:44

He wrongly assumed he could stay as usual. Is he getting a bit too comfortable with using your place as his own? Does he contribute to bills etc?

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2021 17:47

He’s being selfish. Huffiness is a major turn off.

MuckyPlucky · 10/12/2021 17:49

Why are people laughing at me saying he could get up at 8? Needs to be there for 10am, OP says journey takes 1.5hrs (setting off 8.30 then surely).
Or does he need 2 hours between getting up amd setting off to get ready???

icedcoffees · 10/12/2021 17:51

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Are you actually being serious? Grin
Original poster
boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 17:52

@MuckyPlucky It would take longer than 2 hours to have a shower, get to train station, get the train, then get the tube and be there in time for 10. He has to get up at 6:30.

OP posts:
user1471442488 · 10/12/2021 17:53

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Imagine making all this shit up so that a man who is sulking about not getting how own way can be framed as some sort of victim. It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic!
user1471442488 · 10/12/2021 17:53

His*

TooWicked · 10/12/2021 17:54

YANBU.

A nice little reminder for him that staying at your place isn’t a ‘given’, it won’t do him any harm.

turnaroundtime · 10/12/2021 17:55

@Aquamarine1029

He's being a twat. Of course he should stay at his own home. Why should you and your DC have to be disturbed when you don't have to be? Selfish wanker.
Don't hold back there Hmm
Lockheart · 10/12/2021 17:56

Neither of you are wrong, but neither of you have communicated well on this point.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 10/12/2021 17:58

I just think it's a misunderstanding and nobody is BU really.

He assumed he was coming to you, as he always does, looked forward to seeing you, planned his weekend around it and was disappointed when you said no.

You assumed the busy weekend meant he wouldn't be coming and were caught off guard when he said he was on his way.

Tbf it's probably a bit hurtful that you've said no. I think I'd be a bit upset in that situation, knowing a lie in had been chosen above seeing me, but nobody wrong, just a miscommunication and no big deal if things are usually good imo.

Sundancerintherain · 10/12/2021 17:59

He is being a bit of a thoughtless sod.