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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've told DP he can't stay this weekend

73 replies

boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 17:27

DP will more often than not spend his child free weekend at mine but tomorrow and Sunday he's on an all day course in London (about 1.5 hours away). Needs to be in central London for 10am and won't get back to our town until 8pm.

He just rang me to say he'd be over in around an hour. I explained I assumed he wouldn't be over tonight as he has to get up at silly o'clock tomorrow morning to leave for London. He'd have to have a shower and get ready at mine whilst it's still dark and would very likely wake me and my DC up on the one day we get a lay in (my house is small!).

He now appears to have the massive hump as I've told him it makes more sense for him to stay at home.

YABU - I should have said he can stay as we could spend the evening together and the morning thing isn't an issue.

YANBU - it's perfectly reasonable for me to ask him to stay at home as he would wake the whole house up very early for him to then be out the whole day.

Really not sure if I've been unreasonable here or notConfused

OP posts:
MamDancer · 10/12/2021 18:59

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

He wrongly assumed he could stay as usual. Is he getting a bit too comfortable with using your place as his own? Does he contribute to bills etc?
I too was wondering about this.

Trainee cocklodger?

frazzledasarock · 10/12/2021 18:59

Oh please, I love my DH… but I’d totally choose al or in over him on a weekend 😆

I second the PP who said he’s posed off her won’t get his dinner cooked for him and warm ready household to walk into.

Does he contribute anything towards food when he’s at yours OP?

SpanielsAreMyLife · 10/12/2021 19:02

I'd be dealing with someone who woke me at 6,30am on my day off with an axe...............

Not unreasonable at all to want a lie in OP. He's very selfish to even begin to think that this would be OK to you.

DrSbaitso · 10/12/2021 19:02

Hmm, why would someone want to see their partner? It's a puzzler and no mistake.

It is a puzzler when you'd barely be seeing them and be waking them up at stupid o'clock.

pickingdaisies · 10/12/2021 19:02

Yanbu OP, and a timely reminder to your DP that he can't go around assuming his way into your home.

mediumbrownmug · 10/12/2021 19:05

It’s just nice to be considerate of your partner if possible. And I’m this situation it’s not only possible, but makes more sense as he has no actual need to stay at yours.

My DH has slept on the couch before when he’s had to get up at some ungodly hour. And he actually lives here. I didn’t ask, he just thought it was nice. I think we’d all do the same for our partners without really thinking about it.

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2021 19:05

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Hahahahahahaha!
HailAdrian · 10/12/2021 19:05

I don't think either of you are the bad guy...

Aprilx · 10/12/2021 19:17

If the normal is that he comes to yours at the weekend, then I think he was reasonable to assume that is what would be happening this weekend. But you (both of you) maybe should have discussed this sooner. I am still trying to figure out what he is doing in these lost two hours when he needs to be there for 10am and it takes 1.5 hours to get there but he needs to get up at 6:30am. I don’t think even I would need that long and I am not quick to get ready. 😁

tallduckandhandsome · 10/12/2021 19:20

YANBU, it’s your Saturday morning, he should not want to disturb you! Does he also expect you to make him dinner? Does he contribute to food costs?

Leeds2 · 10/12/2021 19:29

If he usually comes over to yours on the weekends he doesn't have his DC, I can quite understand why he presumed he would come over, as usual, this weekend. And, if it were my DP who I didn't live with, I think I would want to be with him on Friday and Saturday evenings and the being woken up early thing wouldn't bother me.
However, you should have discussed this earlier. Personally, if I were him, I would be disappointed that my partner didn't want me to come round.

Sceptre86 · 10/12/2021 19:30

I initially thought you were being unreasonable because if it took 1.5 hours to get there then surely the earliest he would need to be up would be 8ish? Since you have said he would be up at 6.30am and most likely would fancy an early night anyway I would have said the same thing. Enjoy your lie in op. He's got the hump but will get over if.

ButteredOwl · 10/12/2021 19:36

I'm hooting st @MuckyPlucky - are you attending a spot of creative writing here? You've just basically made up some weird narrative to side with a bloke who basically sounds like he likes the easy life at the OP's expense. But thanks for the lols

OP - probably time to have a chat with him. He's making assumptions and you're fancying a night on your own and why not? Is it time to put some boundaries in place - you don't have to see him all the time when he's not got his kids, maybe you're wanting some time alone with them?

redbigbananafeet · 10/12/2021 19:39

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

MuckyPlucky where did the paper appear from?
WhereYouLeftIt · 10/12/2021 19:40

[quote boomerang6]@LadyCatStark I guess we never really discuss him coming over, he seems to just come over whenever he doesn't have his DC etc. [/quote]
Well, maybe it's time that such things were discussed as a matter of course? It sounds like he just assumes you are going to be available whenever he wishes you to be, and it has come as rather a surprise to him that you have priorities besides him.

I think you were perfectly reasonable. If his getting up to leave so early would disturb your children (I loved a lie-in as a kid - still do!) then it's only sensible he stays at his own place tonight. If he were worth a damn, he'd see that too rather than getting the hump. In fact, he'd have anticipated it and not suggested coming to yours tonight at all. (Oh - he didn't suggest it did he, just assumed ...)

girlmom21 · 10/12/2021 19:43

@boomerang6

It wasn't about choosing a lie in over him, it was more about me and my DC not having to be woken up at 6:30am for no reason when we're all feeling a little under the weather!
Ha, I'd choose a lie in over him Grin
CorvusPurpureus · 10/12/2021 19:44

I don't think I'd be particularly phased by someone i was sharing a bed with on a regular basis getting up at 6 - I'd just roll over & go back to sleep, if it was a lie in day, expecting him to let himself out quietly.

But if it's not workable for OP, then that's completely her call. It's her bed & her sleep.

Faevern · 10/12/2021 20:22

@MuckyPlucky whatthefucky? You wrote that in jest of course Hmm

tallduckandhandsome · 10/12/2021 20:42

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Why the fuck is it OP’s responsibility to feed him?
LettertoHermoine · 10/12/2021 20:43

You are dead right!

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 10/12/2021 20:57

YANBU in the slightest.

@MuckyPlucky needs to loosen her corsets if the thought of people wanting to sleep past 9am on a Saturday is that shocking!

Thwackit · 10/12/2021 21:43

You are reasonable. He’s inconsiderate,

Duchess379 · 10/12/2021 22:49

I wouldn't be impressed, yanbu 👍🏼

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