Page 2 | I've told DP he can't stay this weekend

boomerang6 · 2021-12-10T17:27:03+00:00

DP will more often than not spend his child free weekend at mine but tomorrow and Sunday he's on an all day course in London (about 1.5 hours away). Needs to be in central London for 10am and won't get back to our town until 8pm. He just rang me to say he'd be over in around an hour. I explained I assumed he wouldn't be over tonight as he has to get up at silly o'clock tomorrow morning to leave for London. He'd have to have a shower and get ready at mine whilst it's still dark and would very likely wake me and my DC up on the one day we get a lay in (my house is small!). He now appears to have the massive hump as I've told him it makes more sense for him to stay at home. YABU - I should have said he can stay as we could spend the evening together and the morning thing isn't an issue. YANBU - it's perfectly reasonable for me to ask him to stay at home as he would wake the whole house up very early for him to then be out the whole day. Really not sure if I've been unreasonable here or not[confused]

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 18:03

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train.

Do you write tacky romance novels? 🙄

BoredZelda · 10/12/2021 18:04

Not unreasonable but I’d have had the conversation sooner.

Original poster

boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 18:05

It wasn't about choosing a lie in over him, it was more about me and my DC not having to be woken up at 6:30am for no reason when we're all feeling a little under the weather!

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 10/12/2021 18:07

Why is he ao anxious to stay over when he's getting up at silly o'clock and going out all day?

Georgy12 · 10/12/2021 18:08

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

Christ she's not his bloody mother, I'm sure he's quite capable of looking after himself 🙄🙄

LadyCatStark · 10/12/2021 18:09

Neither of you is being unreasonable but why wouldn’t you have discussed this previously?

Lockheart · 10/12/2021 18:09

@DrSbaitso

Why is he ao anxious to stay over when he's getting up at silly o'clock and going out all day?

Hmm, why would someone want to see their partner? It's a puzzler and no mistake.

Eleganz · 10/12/2021 18:11

@boomerang6

It wasn't about choosing a lie in over him, it was more about me and my DC not having to be woken up at 6:30am for no reason when we're all feeling a little under the weather!

If he doesn't need to be in central London until 10am and you are about 1.5 hours away, why would you need to be woken up at 6.30am?

You've both made different assumptions here about what was happening and as they say to assume makes an ass out of u and me. Sounds like poor communication all round.

FabriqueBelgique · 10/12/2021 18:11

You’re fine! Don’t be scared of him getting the hump, I’m sure it’ll sink in that it makes sense.

Original poster

boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 18:12

@LadyCatStark I guess we never really discuss him coming over, he seems to just come over whenever he doesn't have his DC etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

boomerang6 · 10/12/2021 18:13

For those of you who have mentioned the timing thing, I may be out with distances slightly, but he would be getting up at 6:30am.

OP posts:

Lockheart · 10/12/2021 18:14

[quote boomerang6]@LadyCatStark I guess we never really discuss him coming over, he seems to just come over whenever he doesn't have his DC etc. [/quote]
It really does sound like you've both assumed very different things and neither of you have actually raised the issue. He's assuming it's business as usual and you're assuming it's not.

Neither of you are unreasonable but you definitely need to talk about it in future.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 10/12/2021 18:15

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I just think it's a misunderstanding and nobody is BU really.

He assumed he was coming to you, as he always does, looked forward to seeing you, planned his weekend around it and was disappointed when you said no.

You assumed the busy weekend meant he wouldn't be coming and were caught off guard when he said he was on his way.

Tbf it's probably a bit hurtful that you've said no. I think I'd be a bit upset in that situation, knowing a lie in had been chosen above seeing me, but nobody wrong, just a miscommunication and no big deal if things are usually good imo.

I agree with @fourminutestosavetheworld

He assumed he'd stay as normal, you assumed he wouldn't, why didn't you discuss this earlier in the week? He's bound to be hurt at being told not to come over as usual, at the last moment !

LostForIdeas · 10/12/2021 18:16

It’s your house. You can tell anyone, Incl your DP, if they can com or not.

He assumed he would be able to stay as he normally does. He shouldn’t have.
You didn’t make it clear until the last minute that he wasn’t welcome tonight. You cod have been clearer and let him know before he contacted you, ready to come.

Bottom line, you need to communicate better and stop taking each other for granted.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/12/2021 18:19

It sounds like he was expecting his dinner. Since you have said no he now has to actually cook and wash up instead of you doing it all. He shouldn't have assumed. Doesn't he ask to stay at the weekends normally? What if you had plans to go somewhere that didn't involve him? Enjoy your lie in!

Lockheart · 10/12/2021 18:20

@Pixiedust1234

It sounds like he was expecting his dinner. Since you have said no he now has to actually cook and wash up instead of you doing it all. He shouldn't have assumed. Doesn't he ask to stay at the weekends normally? What if you had plans to go somewhere that didn't involve him? Enjoy your lie in!

Don't put your back out reaching like that will you?

grapewine · 10/12/2021 18:21

You could have told him earlier.

AliceThorpe · 10/12/2021 18:21

YANBU
Assuming a right to stay at someone elses house, especially when you would be getting up at an anti-social hour is not OK.

Clearly he has not thought through why it might be a problem for you. Perhaps he will in future.

imsureineverdo · 10/12/2021 18:24

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

8am is not a normal Saturday wake up time for me. You've done the right thing op.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 18:45

@grapewine

You could have told him earlier.

Why should the op have to?

They don't live together, he can stay at his. The poor little dear will be just fine.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 10/12/2021 18:48

@MuckyPlucky

So he’d need to leave at 8.30am. He’d set his alarm for 8am (perfectly normal Saturday wake up time). He’d bring you a coffee to have while your in bed enjoying a lie-in with the paper, whilst he has a quick shower & slice of toast, then he’d leave at 8.30 for the train. You & DS can then leisurely get up & have breakfast together whenever you’re ready. Or were you planning on you and DC sleeping until gone 9?

And you told him he wasn’t welcome tonight because you want even more of a sleep than 8am tomorrow.

Poor bugger. He’s got a heavy weekend of long days & training, and he’s not welcome at yours in the evenings to eat when he gets in, or for an overnight cuddle. You sound quite self-serving & cold IMO.

😂😂😂

Thanks for this laugh!

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 10/12/2021 18:50

@boomerang6

It wasn't about choosing a lie in over him, it was more about me and my DC not having to be woken up at 6:30am for no reason when we're all feeling a little under the weather!

It’s not his house- you’re entitled to choose a lie in “over him” (what a stupid phrase in this context!) he has his own house to sleep and wake up in. He isn’t suffering.

ForbiddentoForbid · 10/12/2021 18:53

I presume he has an adequate home of his own? What's his problem?

gannett · 10/12/2021 18:54

*Why should the op have to? confused

They don't live together, he can stay at his. The poor little dear will be just fine.*

Well it's only polite to confirm that the usual plans won't be happening isn't it. Your posts are quite acidic about the OP's partner, it's the kind of attitude one would have about someone you dislike, not someone you're in a relationship with.

I think OP's partner should also have checked and confirmed fwiw. Both are at fault for assuming and not communicating!

AlternativePerspective · 10/12/2021 18:58

Clearly your relationship is severely lacking in communication.

He usually comes over when his DC isn’t there. You’ve presumably not told him he can’t before so he had no reason to believe that he shouldn’t be coming over tonight, but you drop it in an hour before he said he would be with you.

What would you have done if he’d turned up? Told him to go home?