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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shaving child’s head??

106 replies

DropYourSword · 10/12/2021 08:00

Ok, I swear this is genuine.

My son is 5. Until very recently he had long hair - he hadn’t had it cut since birth. Me and DH always agreed that if and when he decided he wanted it cut he could, because it’s his body, his choice and we wanted to promote bodily autonomy. A few weeks ago he decided he wanted it all cut off so we went to the hairdressers and he had a major chop. He loved it and was very happy.
Now he’s been talking about another haircut. He’s said on a number of occasions he wants it all shaved off - like totally bald! The t doesn’t seem to be a passing thought but something he’s really wanting. He even came home today with a special Christmas drawing with his “bald head”. His granddad is shaved bald so I think that’s probably where he’s got the idea.

I have no idea what to do. We’ve always said he could be in control of his hair but this seems pretty extreme! Every instinct tells me to say no but it does then feel a little hypocritical! We’re in Australia so currently hitting the height of summer and school has just broken up for the year so it would grow back in time for returning to school.

I’d really like some other perspectives here. Am I being a bit precious thinking this is too full on? Or are my instincts spot on thinking this is fairly unacceptable! Cheers!

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 11/12/2021 05:32

You mention in your post
.."his body his choice”....

ImustLearn2Cook · 11/12/2021 05:37

FWIW I allow my daughter to choose her hair cut, style and clothing too. But if she chooses an outfit that is completely inappropriate for the weather or the activity or the venue then I explain why I think the outfit is not appropriate and give her choices out of a range of appropriate outfits.

So, I think saying no to a bald head is like that and if you show him what no.1 and no.2 buzz cuts look like and ask him which one he would like to choose then he is still having some self governance over his own body.

twosticksandanapple · 11/12/2021 05:50

My main concern would be skin cancer. Is he happy wearing a hat for all of summer?

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 11/12/2021 06:25

The reason we don't give small children the final say in things like this is that they don't understand that, for instance, a shaved head will be really itchy, that they wlll be subject to sunburn, and will increase their risk of skin cancer. Be a parent.

ufucoffee · 11/12/2021 06:39

He's 5. You tell him what haircut he's having.

TillyTopper · 11/12/2021 06:45

I''d suggest he goes for a number 2, that's pretty short. But check first to see what school allow. If they want something that school doesn't allow I just get them to agree they can have it - but at the start of the summer holidays so it's grown out (if very short or a bright dye) by the time they go back in September.

FrankGrillosWrist · 11/12/2021 06:48

@Kerantli

And since I can't edit posts

Don't let comments of "oh is he poorly?" get to you, if he's already blonde, even the closest grade will make him look bald for the first few days!

All of your hair falls out after chemo, including eyelashes … Unlike a haircut when there’s a shadow.

Many kids will have this do for summer OP. He can wear a hat or scarf in the heat.

Bogeyes · 11/12/2021 07:35

Has your child ever heard the word...no?

HarlanPepper · 11/12/2021 07:42

Even if you shaved it with a clipper and no guard, it'll only stay like that for a few days. If it's at the beginning of the holidays I'd let him. But yes, hats for outside.

I used to keep my hair at number 2 length (which is just the merest fuzz) and I used to have do redo it every two weeks. You really notice how quickly hair grows when it's very short.

Original poster
DropYourSword · 11/12/2021 07:45

He's 5. You tell him what haircut he's having.
Nope. That’s not the kind of parenting I’m going for. Telling him without taking into account his preference on something where he should have input is unnecessarily controlling in my opinion.
He’s asked for something I find quite extreme and I’m working through why.

@Bogeyes - of course he’s heard no plenty of times. He’s really a pretty good kid. I’m just working through a choice he’s making and whether it’s truly appropriate or not. It’s very easy to just say no to something without thinking through exactly why. This one has challenged me particularly because initially I was a HELL NO we can’t do that, but I’m really trying to explore WHY I find it a total no.

OP posts:
Snowmanuel · 11/12/2021 07:45

I’d just say no. Unless you’ve made a big song and dance about presenting him with full agency over his hair cut, I’d just say no. I don’t think it hurts kids to hear that. And he’s five..

Snowmanuel · 11/12/2021 07:47

Nope. That’s not the kind of parenting I’m going for

Right, well you may as well just shave his head then.

Lindy2 · 11/12/2021 08:03

He's 5. To be a good parent you guide him through his choices. At 5 he has very limited knowledge of what's a good idea and what's not.

You let him know a completely bald head will be very cold and will very soon be stubbily and probably a bit itchy. Being fully bald would only last a week and it's not very practical to keep going back to the hairdresser to have it redone. A short cut would be a much more suitable option to avoid these problems.

Alternatively you could just let him get on with it if learning the hard way without advice is your parenting goal.

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2021 08:13

You let his hair grow king because you liked it. You pretended it was because you were giving him the choice. Now he wants to make a choice you don't like so much you're hesitating. I think it would be hypocritical not to let him have it shaved.

But I also think it's important to guide our children, and insist on something's they might not understand the importance of, like cutting nails, brushing teeth, washing, and not getting a face full of piercings as a teen.

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2021 08:13
  • some things
withsexypantsandasausagedog · 11/12/2021 08:13

Let him have it short but not bald as his scalp could get burnt. Tell him that it is your job to keep him safe.

CatsArePeople · 11/12/2021 08:14

Go for it. Hair grows back in a matter of days.

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2021 08:17

If I'd let my DC have total body autonomy at that age DD would have had a shaved head. Instead she had short bob until she decided to grow it aged 12. She now gives me grief for always having her hair cut short when she was younger - she seems to have totally forgotten she wanted her head shaved!

thatstheloveiwantiwantlove · 11/12/2021 08:22

1 - Most schools don't allow shaved head hair cuts for pupils (so he ought to get used at a young age at being told what to do if that doesn't come from you with the "kind of parenting" you are going for)

2 - people will secretly judge you, your son and your parenting - rightly or wrongly shaved heads can be perceived as very rather thuggish in young children

cloudtree · 11/12/2021 08:27

He will look awful. You know that because you’re an adult. He’s five so knows nothing yet. My five year old hated shoes and thought they looked horrible but I didn’t allow him to go out of the house without them.

Five year olds are very impressionable. It would be easy to persuade him he wants something else.

Buy him a bald wig for Christmas for dressing up

Original poster
DropYourSword · 11/12/2021 08:33

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage and @cloudtree the bald filter and the bald wig are actually excellent suggestions!! He loves selfies and dress up so I’ll definitely do that.
And you’re absolutely right as well cloudtree - I know it will look awful, which is probably exactly why I don’t want to do it. When he went from very long hair to his current very short fade cut I thought he looked wonderful. I guess I don’t want him to look bloody awful, even though it will grow back quickly!
He’s currently looking through fade cuts on his daddy’s phone and we’re getting no squeals of “Oh I like THAT one” so I reckon we could persuade him into something that’s shorter even that what he has now but not totally bald!

OP posts:
anothername007 · 11/12/2021 09:21

He can make his own choices except when they're not in alignment with yours?

CatsArePeople · 11/12/2021 09:25

2 - people will secretly judge you, your son and your parenting - rightly or wrongly shaved heads can be perceived as very rather thuggish in young children

So what? In this day and age, when really silly cuts and colours are trending as "inclusive", you have an issue with a shaved head? Grin
I doubt that a 5yo wants a daily routine of shaving with a razor. Give him a 0 cut, take a few pictures and in a week he'll be looking back to normal.

Receptionclass · 11/12/2021 09:26

If you were in the UK I would say that you aren't keen because hair length in young boys is tied up in class structures. Long hair on young boys is seen as middle class and short hair, particularly very short skinhead styles are seen as working class/chavvy/rough. I don't know enough about the class structure in Australia but it could be a reason why you're not keen.

0blio · 11/12/2021 09:28

I’m really trying to explore WHY I find it a total no.

Because you, as the adult here, know it will look awful - just as long hair on boys does imho.

Bodily autonomy or not in a 5 year old? You can't have it both ways!

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