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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shaving child’s head??

106 replies

DropYourSword · 10/12/2021 08:00

Ok, I swear this is genuine.

My son is 5. Until very recently he had long hair - he hadn’t had it cut since birth. Me and DH always agreed that if and when he decided he wanted it cut he could, because it’s his body, his choice and we wanted to promote bodily autonomy. A few weeks ago he decided he wanted it all cut off so we went to the hairdressers and he had a major chop. He loved it and was very happy.
Now he’s been talking about another haircut. He’s said on a number of occasions he wants it all shaved off - like totally bald! The t doesn’t seem to be a passing thought but something he’s really wanting. He even came home today with a special Christmas drawing with his “bald head”. His granddad is shaved bald so I think that’s probably where he’s got the idea.

I have no idea what to do. We’ve always said he could be in control of his hair but this seems pretty extreme! Every instinct tells me to say no but it does then feel a little hypocritical! We’re in Australia so currently hitting the height of summer and school has just broken up for the year so it would grow back in time for returning to school.

I’d really like some other perspectives here. Am I being a bit precious thinking this is too full on? Or are my instincts spot on thinking this is fairly unacceptable! Cheers!

OP posts:
Rubyupbeat · 10/12/2021 08:37

I was the same, both my sons had very long hair until 5ish when they decided they wanted a cut. Luckily in those days it was more a curtain, wedge style. I really don't think I could have let them have a shaved head, sorry.

helpadvicewhateverneeded · 10/12/2021 08:43

No way I'd allow a shaved head at 5. 5 year old want to do many silly things, it's our job to say no. It's also probably not allowed from a school perspective.

Sparklfairy · 10/12/2021 08:43

Sorry but if you're promoting bodily autonomy then you can't let your personal choice sway you hear without good reason. It'll have grown back by school and my only worry would be sunburn, but a pp made a good point re that.

You can't have it both ways. If you've decided to parent giving this level of choice and autonomy to a small child (not necessarily a bad thing), any personal preference to what you would like is irrelevant imo.

Chocolatewheatos · 10/12/2021 08:46

Let him have what he wants. It'll grow back

Chocolatewheatos · 10/12/2021 08:47

It's his body and its only hair.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/12/2021 08:50

@Xmasprrssiehelp

He is 5 he has no idea what he wants.
Quite Confused

I wouldn't even entertain the idea. He can have his hair how he wants when he's older. I wouldn't even be giving this a second thought.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2021 08:53

May have shot yourself in the foot with that his hair his decision there. My daughter loves her hair down but sometimes it’s not practical- sometimes parents know better. A bald head in an Australian summer doesn’t sound like a good idea.

LIZS · 10/12/2021 08:54

He's 5, he does not get full choice. It is also winter and he would get cold! Presumably school has a uniform code including hair. That is the sort of cut for beginning of summer break so it grows out before school starts.

EmpressSuiko · 10/12/2021 08:55

Would the school even allow it? Most schools have a minimum length allowed which I think it’s usually a 2?
I’d encourage a fade with it longer on top to help protect his scalp from the weather/elements, I’ve always assumed child’s skin is much more sensitive than an adults

LIZS · 10/12/2021 08:55

Ah missed you are in Australia !

BendingSpoons · 10/12/2021 08:55

I think what a PP said about it being itchy is relevant here. I would shave it short and explain it's more comfortable for children. He wants it but won't be aware of the practicalities.

godmum56 · 10/12/2021 09:03

@LIZS

He's 5, he does not get full choice. It is also winter and he would get cold! Presumably school has a uniform code including hair. That is the sort of cut for beginning of summer break so it grows out before school starts.
"its winter so he will get cold"

Not in Oz he won't!!

If you mean what you say about body autonomy then why are you even asking? But make clear he will have to use suncream religiously and also wear a hat.

NoNameHere12 · 10/12/2021 09:03

You’ve created this rod of your own back, he either gets a say about his body or doesn’t, not just when you find it acceptable. 0-5 years he is so young he doesn’t understand about personal grooming, that’s your responsibility. You should have maintained his hair, but nothing you can do about it now.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that you let his hair grow so long (a 2-3 year old doesn’t know how to ask for a haircut which is why you should be in charge of it) and now he wants it completely off? Seems like he has not liked long hair all this time but you saw it as acceptable.

It just seems weird you’ve made this a thing about someone so young. Lots of people (mainly women) can’t have their hair cut past their shoulders as when they was younger their parent cut their hair short and they hated it. Hair through childhood seems to be a thing that affects people.

Bobsyer · 10/12/2021 09:09

I’d probably compromise on a number 1, from a practical standpoint and say school wouldn’t allow it (unless your hols are longer over Xmas? If you’ve got six weeks it’ll probably be fine).

I saw a bald child I would wonder if they were poorly

^ignore that. I mean really, so what?

Shedmistress · 10/12/2021 09:09

@LittleMG

If he’s at school they might not like that. Schools I’ve worked in said not less than a no 2. I’d go down that line and just say it’s not allowed, sorry and then it’s not you being mean is it.
The OP specifically said

We’re in Australia so currently hitting the height of summer and school has just broken up for the year so it would grow back in time for returning to school.

Sparklfairy · 10/12/2021 09:14

If you don't follow through with 'his hair his choice' fully, the message you're really sending is, 'your hair your choice... as long as I say so' which is actually really damaging and I'm sure the opposite of what you're trying to do here. It's confusing and whilst yes, you're the parent, you don't get to be a selective parent where you can randomly veto things that DS thought you had given him full choice on.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2021 09:16

Warmer than Australia in the summer?

Ah I failed to take that in!

Well I would still let him do it if he wants (I don't think it looks terrible, and you wouldn't have to worry about nuts). Yes he would have to wear a hat, but presumably he is doing that anyway.

trumpisagit · 10/12/2021 09:34

Let him do it. The timing is good and it will grow back quickly.

Deadringer · 10/12/2021 09:43

It would be a no from me.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 10/12/2021 10:02

I'd let him have a number 2

ambereeree · 10/12/2021 10:06

Is it safe to cut it that short in Australia? I was going to say yes in Europe but its so hot where you are.

TheOccupier · 10/12/2021 10:14

Either you allow bodily autonomy or you don't. Personally I think complete "bodily autonomy" is inappropriate and idiotic for young children (do you also let him decide what medical treatment he receives?) but having chosen this approach, you should follow through and let him have his head how he wants it, on the condition that he wears a hat outdoors.

Original poster
DropYourSword · 10/12/2021 11:36

Thanks everyone for your replies! I do really appreciate it.
I typed up a longer response but seem to have managed to lose it rather than post it.
It really does seem like the best compromise would be a no 1 / no 2 buzz cut!

OP posts:
Restart10 · 10/12/2021 11:40

He's 5. You are the parent. There's a time for body autonomy to the extent of balding your head, and 5years old is not it.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 10/12/2021 11:42

Take some pics of him and put a bald filter on your phone. Show ds.