Shaving child’s head??

[DropYourSword]

Ok, I swear this is genuine.

My son is 5. Until very recently he had long hair - he hadn’t had it cut since birth. Me and DH always agreed that if and when he decided he wanted it cut he could, because it’s his body, his choice and we wanted to promote bodily autonomy. A few weeks ago he decided he wanted it all cut off so we went to the hairdressers and he had a major chop. He loved it and was very happy.
Now he’s been talking about another haircut. He’s said on a number of occasions he wants it all shaved off - like totally bald! The t doesn’t seem to be a passing thought but something he’s really wanting. He even came home today with a special Christmas drawing with his “bald head”. His granddad is shaved bald so I think that’s probably where he’s got the idea.

I have no idea what to do. We’ve always said he could be in control of his hair but this seems pretty extreme! Every instinct tells me to say no but it does then feel a little hypocritical! We’re in Australia so currently hitting the height of summer and school has just broken up for the year so it would grow back in time for returning to school.

I’d really like some other perspectives here. Am I being a bit precious thinking this is too full on? Or are my instincts spot on thinking this is fairly unacceptable! Cheers!

If you are minded to allow a number 1, you might as well allow a shave and it’ll be back to no1 length in about 10 days. He’ll need the same sun protection with a 1/2 cut as with a shave.

The timing is good, and if you are serious about autonomy you don’t really have any grounds for objecting.

Lots of bald men get scalp melanomas in the UK so I wouldn’t encourage intentional baldness in the Australian summer for a child. I do find it odd that you are so keen on autonomy that you haven’t had his hair cut for 5 years but are calling a shaved head “extreme”.

Honestly I do think a bald head on a 5 year old is extreme @shadedog, but I don’t find long hair on a 5 year old extreme in any way. Not sure why it would be?

Autonomy He's five and entirely dependent on you to make good decisions for him.

We have a blonde DS, he used to have long hair and insisted he would always have it long but then one day, when he was 4, he woke up (in the summer too actually, but UK) and said he wanted to be bald like Daddy.

DH isn't bald but does get a close shave regularly as he prefers it that way.

So we done a #3 all over and he was very happy with that. Sure, it was a bit of a shock at the difference but he didn't look poorly.

Most of DS' boy classmates have hair styles that are either faded or #3-#10 all over.

I don’t find long hair on a 5yo extreme either. I do find deliberately and consciously not cutting a child’s hair on the grounds of bodily autonomy a more extreme stance than letting a 5yo have the (not imo extreme) haircut he wants. I don’t think either actual haircut is extreme but admittedly in my home country bald babies/young children of both sexes were the norm when I was young. I’ve had arse length and no. 1 shaved myself, my brother has been deliberately bald since he was a teenager, my own sons have had both very long and very short hair. The difference is when they were too young to do anything about it (babies/toddlers) I kept their hair neat and tidy and when they were older I let them chose. I think as they get older it’s easier to find your own style and be experimental if you haven’t been fed the idea that anyone actually gaf about your hair.

You give him the body autonomy
So let him

Or

Decide to be his parent andd make the right choices for him

@DropYourSword

Honestly I do think a bald head on a 5 year old is extreme *@shadedog*, but I don’t find long hair on a 5 year old extreme in any way. Not sure why it would be?

but if its only allowing stuff you don't have a problem with, why is it bodily autonomy?....I mean I'd refuse to allow piercings at that age but hair grows back.

Godmum56 - I think that’s why I’m asking here. Because, thinking objectively, on the one hand it really is only hair and will grow back. Like someone else pointed out there’s so little difference between a 1 or 2 buzz cut to actually bald anyway. And where appropriate he should have a say in his preferences. And so I do feel a like hypocritical to not just let him.

BUT at the same time it just feels wrong. A few people have mentioned they would assume a bald child was sick. And I think that is my chief concern. I really don’t want to give that sort of impression at all and I know it would happen.

I'd say no because it was cold but if he wanted it done in the summer holidays then I'd say yes to that.

I'd suggest waiting until the weather is warmer, when the time comes a No.2 would be okay.
His thinking is a reaction to years of long hair it probably wasn't his choice more a case of it wasn't on his radar.

There’s a reason we have evolved with head hair. Hair has an important function. Bodily autonomy is fine, but insist he wears a hat outdoors at all times throughout the summer - prob true even with a number 1 or 2.

I’d say no but then again I wouldn’t have given my child the decision to have long hair either.

Don't shave his bead
A he will get cold
B he will get teased at school
C everybody will think he is having chemotherapy or seriously ill.

@christmaspavlova

Don't shave his bead A he will get cold B he will get teased at school C everybody will think he is having chemotherapy or seriously ill.

Holy shit. Cold? In Australia in the middle of summer???

Holy shit - teased at school - during summer holidays in Australia???

Got to love a knee jerk reaction.

I insisted my ds have a number 2 done at the barbers and sent my DP off with him. God Lord, when he came home he honestly looked like the poster child for a charity, it was awful!! I didn't realise just how short a number 2 is!!

It would look nice if it was done properly- say a 3 on top and faded to a 1/0 on the sides would look way better than a 2 all over.

Encouraging bodily independence is different from letting him do whatever - because you have years of wisdom that he hasn't.

@nannybeach

Would his school allow a completely bald head,most have some guidelines regarding extreme hair.

They will just think he had nits or lice. Its fine.

Well if he’s in control, get his head shaved. Be nice and cool in midsummer.

Meant to add —- granddaughter, 3 in 2012, watching the London paralympics with her mum and dad stated she wanted a blade, adamant she wanted to swap her leg for one. Strangely a 3 year old wasn’t deemed old enough to make ALL decisions over her body.

Hair grows so quickly.

Let him do it.

You could always put a knotted white hanky on his head and get him a zip up cardigan and some Jesus sandals with socks. You can take photos to show any future romantic partner.

Its only hair, it will grow.

I'm more interested in the idea of promoting bodily autonomy for very small children. Did you make a decision about childhood vaccines on his behalf, does he chose what time he goes to bed; take a day off school when he fancies? I understand giving a child choice but there has to be some parental responsibility, characterising choice as promoting bodily autonomy sounds like a sure fire way to burden a child with far too much decision making responsibility.

I didn’t realise it would be quite such a controversial approach to be honest @FOJN!
I think maybe it’s been misinterpreted here slightly because there are people assuming we give him complete and utter autonomy! I just don’t think it’s crazy to allow a child to make age appropriate decisions about things that affect them and take into account their opinion. For things like the clothes he wears, or how he chooses to wear his hair, or whether he chooses to hug or kiss someone he gets a say.

@DropYourSword You sound like a great mum and not hypocritical at all. I agree with you on allowing age and stage of development appropriate autonomy.

Your son might not realise how very itchy a shaved head can be and how quickly the hair will start growing back. I think a compromise of a no. 1 or 2 buzz cut is a great idea.