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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you take this as someone trying to tell you something ?

94 replies

gagababy · 09/12/2021 17:46

This is a random one. Just for fun, more or less.

Not a huge problem in my life. But I've noticed that my mother in law always tells me she's ' cooked without oil ' and very ' little salt '.

Whenever she makes something and serves it, she always mentions this.

I personally don't ever mention that kind of thing when I cook for people. I don't particularly cook with lots of oil and salt, by any means. But I do use oil and salt when I cook and I'm starting to get paranoid her constant reminders of this, are some sort of dig ?

She also doesn't use stock cubes in her soups, I always do. She always mentions that she's not used stock cubes and no oil in her soup. She knows I use them.

She mentions it every time we eat together or she has cooked something.

Would you just take it at face value? She likes to remind everyone how healthy her cooking is ? Or is it more of a brag ? Or is it an actual dig and a way to tell me on the sly she thinks my cooking is unhealthy ?

She's the kind of person who repeats things a lot in general, until you do what she thinks is right. She also thinks how she does things is always best and tries to get her children to emulate her. She is very set in her ways and completely resistant to change or anything different/ new. She kind of sneers at people who try to do things different. She thinks she's quite superior and better than people. Her way, is the best way.

Again, not a huge problem in my life. Just interested what the general consensus is on this.

OP posts:
MzHz · 09/12/2021 20:16

I’m in my 50s and I am not obsessed by fat or salt or any such twattery…
Your MIL doesn’t sound at all nice

“What are you trying to say MIL, I don’t get it?”

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 09/12/2021 20:22

When you eat at hers next, when sitting at the table, ask her politely for some salt. Grin

Thwackit · 09/12/2021 21:45

“Yes, you’ve said a few times. We all have our personal taste and ways of cooking, don’t we?” beaming smile and then ignore her

Mum0509 · 09/12/2021 22:16

My dm cooks with no salt or fat and therefore finds other people's cooking too salty and fatty. Her cooking is so bland it's at times revolting. She is telling you because she likes bland food. I'd do hers in a separate pan with absolutely no flavour at all. She'll be happy then.

hulahooper2 · 09/12/2021 22:31

I think she’s trying to tell you something , btw I’ve never heard of anyone putting oil in soup

gagababy · 09/12/2021 22:37

Yeah neither have I ! I've never done it !

But when you use stock cubes, it can look like there's a little oil in it. That's why I think she says it.

Just thinking about this in general, I don't really cook for her that often. But does happen sometimes of course.

It's alright, not a biggie. But I just hate that she's always in teacher / sneering / judgy mode. I hope I'm not like that when I'm older.

Just because YOU do something a certain way, doesn't make you better. Live and let live.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 09/12/2021 22:38

Oil all the way! Is it even food without olive oil? I’m pretty sure drinking it straight isn’t that bad for you either.
Maybe you should get a very nice extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and next meal you host serve good bread with dishes of those to dip? We do that Grin

gagababy · 09/12/2021 22:39

@timeisnotaline

Oil all the way! Is it even food without olive oil? I’m pretty sure drinking it straight isn’t that bad for you either. Maybe you should get a very nice extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and next meal you host serve good bread with dishes of those to dip? We do that Grin
Extra virgin olive oil is the best !
OP posts:
Bunce1 · 09/12/2021 22:39

are you very healthy conscious and a bit of a gym bunny? I wonder if she’s trying to chime with you, that’s she’s aware that you’re health conscious. So this is her way of doing it?

Or she doesn’t like the way you cook so take heed! Grin

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 22:41

What about

You say that to me a lot. Would you like me to not use salt or oil when I cook for you? I'm happy to do that for you, all you need to do is ask"

Bring it right out there in a way that she cannot possibly complain about.

gagababy · 10/12/2021 09:59

@Bunce1

are you very healthy conscious and a bit of a gym bunny? I wonder if she’s trying to chime with you, that’s she’s aware that you’re health conscious. So this is her way of doing it?

Or she doesn’t like the way you cook so take heed! Grin

Yes this is a good point. I have been at points careful about what I eat- but it's genuinely around carbs, rather than fats. Although when I'm on a strict diet, it's also fats that I watch.

I try not to ever talk about it and just eat what I'm given when I'm invited to eat somewhere. Except for the period leading up to my wedding, where I only ate chicken breast and salad for a few months.

But nowadays I don't ever mention it and just eat what I'm given, because I think it's a bit rude.

But in general, she knows I try to watch my weight, so it could play into it.

OP posts:
gagababy · 10/12/2021 10:03

Haha OMG in fact. This has just got even worse.

I've had a baby etc and haven't lost all my baby weight and maybe she's trying to hint !!

The other day she was talking about very fat people for some reason and she actually said:

' I mean they're really fat. You know BIIIG. Not like us, where maybe we are 1 stone overweight '

I ignored it, but thought, speak for yourself !!! So rude !

OP posts:
MzHz · 10/12/2021 13:12

I absolutely wondered if this was a jab at weight…

Who the fuck does she think she is!?

ellenpartridge · 10/12/2021 13:28

She is being quite rude and I think trying to "virtue signal" about how healthy she is being. Tbh it sounds like something my mum would say!

gagababy · 10/12/2021 13:32

@MzHz

I absolutely wondered if this was a jab at weight…

Who the fuck does she think she is!?

Honestly it's stuff like this, all the time.

I literally try to shut my ears off and ignore it.

Every time I've responded, I'm told I take everything the wrong way. But I really think that she has bad thoughts about me a lot and tries to tell me with these sly remarks.

I don't think she thinks very highly of me and it shows in her behaviour towards me. I'm doing my best in life. Obviously nothing is good enough for her.

OP posts:
gagababy · 10/12/2021 13:36

Ah I feel quite sad.

OP posts:
MsAgnesDiPesto · 10/12/2021 13:37

@Mysterylovingboy

My MIL always announces there's no salt/stock. She used to cook with salt and stock but for health reasons has had to stop, so I assume it's her way of letting us know we might want to add salt to get the full flavour.
This is what I’d assume - it’s to let you know that you might need to season at the table.

Not everything is a dig, and I’m happier if I assume good intentions from the vast majority of people. Even if I am occasionally proved wrong.

MsAgnesDiPesto · 10/12/2021 13:40

Actually having seen your updates she is just being horrible.

Buy her a cardi a size too small for Christmas and alter the label.

knittingaddict · 10/12/2021 13:43

I would think that she had food issues.

Soup without a stock cube or salt would be incredibly bland. I don't overuse salt, but some recipes really need it. Her approach to food sounds rather old fashioned to me, as "good" oils in moderation are not really a problem.

AlternativePerspective · 10/12/2021 13:51

It sounds like she is having a dig but tbh I think that a lot of people would be shocked if they looked at just how much salt they put in their food.

Given that your daily limit should be 6g of salt you’d be surprised at how easy it is to reach that. And supermarket own brand stuff is generally the worst. E.g did you know that 1 Aldi chicken stock cube contains 4.2g of salt? Shock

And there are plenty of other ingredients out there which are good salt substitutes, garlic for instance is an excellent substitute.

I actually stopped cooking with salt when I was pregnant with DS that way I knew he could easily eat what we did when he got older, so I’ve never gone back to cooking with it. But since then I’ve been diagnosed with a serious heart condition, I am in heart failure, am on diuretics and have a fluid restriction of 1500ml a day. And one of the things which causes the most fluid retention is salt, so where possible I cut it out.

I do use butter and some stock, and my food most definitely does not taste bland. But everyone who knows me knows that I don’t cook with salt, and that there are foods I personally avoid such as bacon, but because they know they’re free to add salt at the table if they wish.

And if I go to their houses then I will turn down foods such as bacon, and e.g. my mum doesn’t cook with salt as a rule for my benefit, but it’s not something we need to discuss on a regular basis, it’s just a known fact.

But I do think that many people don’t actually know how much salt they’re eating on a daily basis, and would be shocked if they kept track.

Scbchl · 10/12/2021 13:53

You add oil to your soup?

gagababy · 10/12/2021 13:54

@Scbchl

You add oil to your soup?
No never. But sometimes when you use stock cubes, it can look like you've put a little oil in.
OP posts:
gagababy · 10/12/2021 13:56

@AlternativePerspective

It sounds like she is having a dig but tbh I think that a lot of people would be shocked if they looked at just how much salt they put in their food.

Given that your daily limit should be 6g of salt you’d be surprised at how easy it is to reach that. And supermarket own brand stuff is generally the worst. E.g did you know that 1 Aldi chicken stock cube contains 4.2g of salt? Shock

And there are plenty of other ingredients out there which are good salt substitutes, garlic for instance is an excellent substitute.

I actually stopped cooking with salt when I was pregnant with DS that way I knew he could easily eat what we did when he got older, so I’ve never gone back to cooking with it. But since then I’ve been diagnosed with a serious heart condition, I am in heart failure, am on diuretics and have a fluid restriction of 1500ml a day. And one of the things which causes the most fluid retention is salt, so where possible I cut it out.

I do use butter and some stock, and my food most definitely does not taste bland. But everyone who knows me knows that I don’t cook with salt, and that there are foods I personally avoid such as bacon, but because they know they’re free to add salt at the table if they wish.

And if I go to their houses then I will turn down foods such as bacon, and e.g. my mum doesn’t cook with salt as a rule for my benefit, but it’s not something we need to discuss on a regular basis, it’s just a known fact.

But I do think that many people don’t actually know how much salt they’re eating on a daily basis, and would be shocked if they kept track.

I actually try to be quite careful with it too.

And my mother in law does cook with salt. I never find that her food doesn't have enough salt.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 10/12/2021 13:57

Soup without a stock cube or salt would be incredibly bland. I don't overuse salt, but some recipes really need it. Her approach to food sounds rather old fashioned to me, as "good" oils in moderation are not really a problem. it absolutely is, but if I make soup then I look at what else I’m cooking that day to balance it out.

And often it isn’t necessarily needed.I have a pot of chicken stock on the stove at the moment which absolutely does not need more than a pinch of salt adding to it so has virtually none in it. And once I mix it with the meat juices on Sunday to make the gravy it is delicious. Home-made vegetable stock is bland and horrible so isn’t worth making, but a lot of salt is used in our cooking where it really isn’t needed but is used to add flavour. E.g. in low-fat sauces, jar bought ones, etc.

Anordinarymum · 10/12/2021 14:04

I am a mum and a grandmother. My family are here all the time in and out of my house and they all cook here too.
I would never dream of saying a thing to any of them, I mean, why would I? I actually want their company !
Some women just do not get it. The jealousy when a son has a relationship baffles me. I wonder if some women feel they are being replaced when their son gets married??
It's almost like a mental illness.
Rise above it OP. Ignore or just tell her 'well done you' when she harps on about salt or oil.

And SMILE

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