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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like I am living in a nightmare

115 replies

newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:30

Sorry if this is a long post but dont want to drip feed.
I live in a shared house in a housing co-op. For the last two years myself and family (and one other tenant) have been harrassed by another tenant. It has got to the point that I am on two types of medication due to this issue.
He was an aquaintance that showed up at my door asking could he leave his bike at my place, so I said of course. It them transpired he had been eviceted and asked to stay. As the house was very underoccupied I said of course. He was granted a tenancy, even though he was evicted due to none payment of rent/bills at his last place due to me sticking up for him as I thought it was only fair as he was street homeless and the co-op house was vertually empty.
Anyway since then he has inflicted a living nightmare on everyone else who lives here.
Ill feeling started off when the bills came in. He took my asking him to pay his share as a person attack and since then has sworn to make our lives a misery.
He assulted me about a year ago and the police did nothing. He sends long rambling abusive emails and texts. He has called me a sloppy bitch in an email that he sent round to the whole co-op. He messes around with the bills, getting the power company to delay issuing bills till they mount up and then claims he is not liable. These are just a few highlights of an ongoing campaign.
He has described his behaviour as 'psychological warefare' and warned me that he knows what he is doing. And he does, he is careful to stay just inside the law. (forinstance he no longer used my name in his abusive letters, small details like that, that I only find out when I go to the police that it counts as not addressed to me)
The housing co-op have been worse than useless and are doing nothing. Because I have never been in a relationship with him all the domestic violence services say its not DV. The police say the landlord should be dealing with it.
I am at the point of feeling utterly hopeless and can see anyway out of this.

  • *[Edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info] **
OP posts:
Ohmych · 09/12/2021 11:33

Can you leave? I think that's your only option if the police or landlord won't do anything.

DowntonCrabby · 09/12/2021 11:34

It seems too obvious a suggestion so I’m sure there’s a good reason why not, and of course you shouldn’t have to but I’d be giving notice and moving out ASAP.

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:34

I dont earn much and the rent is super cheep so though I would take an offer of rehousning, I could not afford a market rent.

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 09/12/2021 11:35

Move.

ChangeChingyChange · 09/12/2021 11:36

Just find another less crazy house share thats a similar cost.

SlashBeef · 09/12/2021 11:38

Yup just move

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:39

I have lived in the house for about twenty years and its a good area, my kids grew up there. The rent is about £40 a week so it realy is cheap.
I dont want to share anymore as this experiance had been one of the worst in my life. I have never come accross someone of this personallity type before.

OP posts:
Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:41

All the furniture in the house is mine and I have spent alot of money on doing the garden up also.

OP posts:
SlashBeef · 09/12/2021 11:42

Taken your stuff too. It's not worth staying there if it's making you unwell.

SlashBeef · 09/12/2021 11:42

*take

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:43

I would not know how to go about finding somewhere else, espicially on my budget?

OP posts:
SweetsAndChocolates · 09/12/2021 11:47

You mentioned one other tenant, are they harassed in a similar way?
If you, your family and that tenant were to make enough 'noise' surely the landlord would have ti step in (hopefully) and remove this person.

Jossbow · 09/12/2021 11:52

Whyisnt your landlord taking action? Although its a co-operativ, theremust be some sort of contract between you and the landlord or a tenancy agreement or something!

How can one person delay the Bills? that sounds squeue- Bills arrive when the utilities send them- How are they paid when they do arrive?

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:52

Yes the other tenant is also being harrassed. He has complained as much as we have.
The co-op is worse than useless. I finally got someone to call me last night, I got some slurred management speak, repetedly said their solicitor is saying they just need to document evidence (its been two years of evidence) and long silences (with giggling). The person was drunk imp.
I politly asked this morning if we can talk again when they have a clearer head and are more sober. I got a response that 'I dont do drink or drugs'
I just dont know where to go from here.

OP posts:
Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:55

There is a tenancy agreement that we all have and yes he has broken it numerous times. They just keep saying they are gathering evidence and its complicated. I dont think they know how to handle the situation or the abusive tenant. I think he is now claiming mental health (which I am sure is true) and is also a vexatious complainant. Their worker said she gets three to four LONG email a day complaining about all the other tenants from this guy.

OP posts:
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 09/12/2021 11:56

How does the co-op work? I lived in an independent one of two households and there was a requirement for all members to attend meetings. At the very least you should be allowed to attend a meeting held by the co-op's management I think? He is harrassing you and the others. Either they are landlord or you are an equal member, but eiher way you shouldn't be powerless in this situation. If they won't help, I would find out what organisation they answer to and complain to them directly.

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 11:58

How can one person delay the Bills? that sounds squeue- Bills arrive when the utilities send them
Believe me this is what I also thought. If I knew how easy it is to fool/ mess around utilities...
Its been an eye opener to me how easily he has got away with this, I like others have always believed things were set and always paid up on time but the things I have learned since you would not believe.

OP posts:
MrsGhastlyCrumb · 09/12/2021 11:59

Go and see your GP and ask them to back you up. You've stated that this is affecting your health as well- his shouldn't be taking precedence.

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 12:01

The co-op is run by a management comittee, which is made up of ordinary members (that is people who live in the co-op) I have been on MC before and they mean well generally but are not professionals.

OP posts:
Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 12:04

I will get a letter from the GP, yes that is a good idea. But they have already had letters from the council, the MP and they basically told me that 'I was trying to get them in to trouble and not to go running to anyone else'

I know how shocking this is and its things like this that make me feel like this is a night mare.

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 09/12/2021 12:14

You and your neighbor need letters from the MP, GP, any advocates at all to state that he is breaking the terms of his tenancy. You need a Police number because this is harrassment and as he is probably mentally ill you are vulnerable. Gather all the evidence together one last time and present it to the management.

I would also point out to it that it does not make economic sense for your family and the other tenant to leave whilst the one causing issues and not paying bills and harrassing its staff is allowed to stay. Also, in your tenancy it will state "quiet enjoyment" and whilst this sort of means that the landlord cannot unduly bother you it also means that if it is aware that someone (the other tenant) is not allowing you quiet enjoyment the management are liable legally.

I would really push back and demand that he is made to leave.

I don't understand how cowardly some organisations are. But then it is not happening to them.

Squaffle · 09/12/2021 12:16

So sorry to hear you are going through this. We also live in co-op housing and I am a member of its complaints committee. Your co-op should have one too and if not they should have a clear policy on how to make a formal complaint, which this situation definitely warrants.

First, get a letter from your GP and also write to your local MP outlining your concerns about how the co-op have dealt with it so far. (Your MP will probably have a timeline in terms of how long they take to respond.)

For your complaint, try and give a timeline and as much info as possible, along with any supporting evidence that comes back from your GP or MP.

Understandably it might feel overwhelming to have to do this when you have so much else going on, so maybe try and aim to put something together by doing a little bit of the complaint every day until you're ready to send it.

Good luck Flowers

stalkersaga · 09/12/2021 12:22

Look, just leave. You can't afford to stay. It's wrecking your health.

As Dr Phil liked to say, you can be right, or you can be happy. The coop and the police have both proved to you that they aren't going to help you, and even if they did any progress would likely take months. Another shared house would be better than this. Take your furniture and just go.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/12/2021 12:22

@user1471538283

You and your neighbor need letters from the MP, GP, any advocates at all to state that he is breaking the terms of his tenancy. You need a Police number because this is harrassment and as he is probably mentally ill you are vulnerable. Gather all the evidence together one last time and present it to the management.

I would also point out to it that it does not make economic sense for your family and the other tenant to leave whilst the one causing issues and not paying bills and harrassing its staff is allowed to stay. Also, in your tenancy it will state "quiet enjoyment" and whilst this sort of means that the landlord cannot unduly bother you it also means that if it is aware that someone (the other tenant) is not allowing you quiet enjoyment the management are liable legally.

I would really push back and demand that he is made to leave.

I don't understand how cowardly some organisations are. But then it is not happening to them.

Absolutely this...

I havent read all the thread...

How many others are there in the co-op?

Cba you get some private legal advice and then the other people he is harassing, join together and put pressure on landlord to give him notice.

Also have you thought re recording him... A covert body cam? To show how awful je is?

This is completely untenable...

it is outrageous that you should move out, as you have been there all this time, presumably without hassle until this man used your good nature and levered himself into your home...

If he's says he's using 'psychological warfare', make sure you document all of this.

Original poster
newnamesa · 09/12/2021 12:23

Thank you for all the advice. I will def make an appointment today for the GP.
I will aslo write a litte each day, that is a great idea as I am now compleatly overwhelmed with it and the lack of any cohearent response from the co-op has left us with no recourse.
Its a miserable situation and has left me suicidal.

OP posts: