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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DM if we can bring dog

105 replies

Jazzy1000 · 08/12/2021 21:32

My parents have a holiday house and kindly offer us a few days here and there when they're not using it. We got a dog last year and they said they'd prefer we didn't have her in holiday house so we put her into kennels last summer when we stayed.

They offered us another few days over Christmas - aibu to ask could we bring dog? We hate putting her in kennels so it kind of takes the good out of outting.

For context she's a non shed small whippet, never has accident s etc. The house is well worn in. My parents always had dogs themselves til a few years ago which they always had staying in same house. In fact they used to assume we d take care of their dog for weeks on end when our kids were small and we lived in apartment, it was really inconvenient but I never complained.

Aibu to ask is there any chance we could bring doggie with us this time?

OP posts:

TedGlenn · 09/12/2021 08:36

Depends. What will be your decision if they say no?

If its to go anyway (putting dog in kennels) then there is no harm in asking - they say no and you graciously accept that.

If its not to go, then you should not ask, because when they say no, you'll efectively say 'we won't come then' and that will look manipulative, and cause ill feeling. If this is your stance, then you should decline the invitation saying its because of the dog (and secretly hope they might then change mind).

devildeepbluesea · 09/12/2021 08:37

YANBU to ask of course. But if they say no you'll have to suck it up.

I do know what you mean though. Ask on Facebooke for local recommendations for home boarders.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/12/2021 09:21

@hotmeatymilk

Open communication is pretty much the key to life IMO. And the parents have openly communicated the dog isn’t welcome at the holiday house. Or does “open communication” in your world mean “keep badgering until the other person gives in”?

Bit of a stretch there. No one should be badgering anyone. But "can I check you're still not happy for the dog to come, as I'm not sure we'll be able to leave her this time" is hardly badgering. It's just clarifying the situation hasn't changed in 18 months. If they'd questioned the no last summer then that would be badgering.

WhenSepEnds · 09/12/2021 09:26

YABU. They've already made It clear they don't want your dog in the house. Asking again is going to put them in an uncomfortable position

grapewine · 09/12/2021 09:28

They've said no already. Why would they have changed their mind? If you don't want to leave your dog then decline the offer of staying over in their house.

Camembear · 09/12/2021 09:34

No harm in asking, she’s your mother.

If it’s a holiday house and they rent it out, they might be keen to keep it free of dog smell/dander etc. Something to consider.

User135792468 · 09/12/2021 09:52

If it was a friend or extended family, I would say that they have expressed a preference but maybe drop it in there subtly and give them an out.

In what world though is it unreasonable to ask your own parents something? Surely you can just ring your mum and explain to her and it’s a normal chat? Mumsnet is weird….

shiningstar2 · 09/12/2021 09:59

As you have looked after their dogs in the past could you ask if your dog could stay with them while you are away? You can ad that you wouldn't put him in kennels in the winter. She then might relent and let you take the dog. If she doesn't but agrees to have him you have a better solution than kennels.

User42729209 · 09/12/2021 10:03

You can ask, but don’t push it if they say no.

SilverHairedCat · 09/12/2021 10:05

By all means ask, but if they say no then what will you do? All the kennels by us were fully booked for Christmas in August judging by their posts on social media. If you've not booked anywhere for the dog, where will she go? Or will you just not go away?

ClaudiaJ1 · 09/12/2021 11:19

@Practicebeingpatient What is settees?

SilverHairedCat · 09/12/2021 11:21

@ClaudiaJ1 a settee is a sofa. Very common British word.

ClaudiaJ1 · 09/12/2021 11:30

[quote SilverHairedCat]@ClaudiaJ1 a settee is a sofa. Very common British word.[/quote]
Thanks.

saraclara · 09/12/2021 11:50

If it's let as pet-free, then no, you can't ask.

If not, then simply say that it's unlikely that you'll be able to find a kennels with space for your dog over Christmas, so you might not be able to take them up on their kind offer.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/12/2021 14:15

Ask - after all they may have NO idea how hard it is to find kennelling or sitters at short notice since when they last had a dog, they handed it over to you when they went away.

If they say no, then politely decline their offer as you can't go without dog/do not want to go without the dog/won't find care for dog at short notice.

If this were a friend or distant relative and there wasn't the history of you looking after their dog I might say differently, but the idea that you can't discuss the matter with your OWN parents is ridiculous.

Also the idea you can't ask because they've made a generous offer is also ridic - it is hardly generous to offer someone something they actually cannot use, particularly when its your rules that mean they can't use it!

Original poster

Jazzy1000 · 09/12/2021 17:49

Thanks everyone! I love mumsnet that you bash these small issues out..
I ll say thanks a million but we won't go as can't leave dog and maybe they ll say ok bring her! If they do I'll offer to keep dog downstairs cause dog sleeps on our beds which I think is what is bothering them .
They don't want to mind dog either (even tho we used to mind theirs for long stints) because my dad has gotten older and finds it stressful having an unfamiliar dog in house which is totally understandable.
Hopefully they won't mind us bringing her! I love staying in their house so would be great. They don't rent it out and don't have allergies... And the doggie really is such a polite, neat, quiet little thing, non shed, doesn't bark or chew (whippets are total dotes) she will have zero impact on house .

OP posts:

Elieza · 09/12/2021 19:09

Have they met your dog before? I’d introduce them and when they fall in love with the dog your problem is potentially solved.

Seashell1234 · 09/12/2021 21:02

@Jazzy1000

Thanks everyone! I love mumsnet that you bash these small issues out.. I ll say thanks a million but we won't go as can't leave dog and maybe they ll say ok bring her! If they do I'll offer to keep dog downstairs cause dog sleeps on our beds which I think is what is bothering them . They don't want to mind dog either (even tho we used to mind theirs for long stints) because my dad has gotten older and finds it stressful having an unfamiliar dog in house which is totally understandable. Hopefully they won't mind us bringing her! I love staying in their house so would be great. They don't rent it out and don't have allergies... And the doggie really is such a polite, neat, quiet little thing, non shed, doesn't bark or chew (whippets are total dotes) she will have zero impact on house .

Whippets do shed. You don't notice it as frequently due to the single coat, but when they shed, a LOT comes out. I have 2 and I'm always covered in a light layer of dog hair. They can chew like demons too, when they want to.

They have said they don't want your dog there. How many times will they have to repeat this before you will respect the view of someone who is trying to offer you a favour.

Original poster

Jazzy1000 · 09/12/2021 21:55

Our dog is a whippet crossed with bedlington terrior and definitely doesn't shed.
They have only said it once so far and I'm not asking them again just telling them we cant take up their offer cause of dog

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 10/12/2021 09:09

Does this mean you will never go on a holiday ever again, anywhere, if you can’t take your dog. So no overseas trips or anything?

wtaf37 · 10/12/2021 09:37

@LawnFever

Yeah ask, weird that they’ve had dogs in the past and have suddenly taken against the idea - unless your dog was a crazy destructive puppy which it doesn’t sound like it is!

Perhaps they let out this holiday home to non-family members, in which case, they won't necessarily want pets there.

Most dog owners don't take against dogs suddenly, there is probably an ordinary, sensible explanation for their request!

SilverHairedCat · 10/12/2021 10:15

@HoppingPavlova I highly doubt that - this seems to be purely logistics. Getting a dog on short notice into kennels or a home stay at Christmas is nigh on impossible.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 10/12/2021 10:22

I wouldn't go if I couldn't take the dog and family couldn't have him. He'd really struggle in kennels

FateHasRedesignedMost · 10/12/2021 14:44

I think it would be rude and disrespectful to ask when she’s already said no dogs. Presumably she knew you had a whippet then and that it was house trained?

Even whippets have a doggy smell that rubs off on furnishings. And dogs are unpredictable, she may be unsettled in a new environment with lots of people and get excited or barky, chewy or jump on the furniture.

I’d respect their preference.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 10/12/2021 14:47

Why do you have to go ? Stay home with the dog if that's what you prefer.
Invitations can be declined

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