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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DM if we can bring dog

105 replies

Jazzy1000 · 08/12/2021 21:32

My parents have a holiday house and kindly offer us a few days here and there when they're not using it. We got a dog last year and they said they'd prefer we didn't have her in holiday house so we put her into kennels last summer when we stayed.

They offered us another few days over Christmas - aibu to ask could we bring dog? We hate putting her in kennels so it kind of takes the good out of outting.

For context she's a non shed small whippet, never has accident s etc. The house is well worn in. My parents always had dogs themselves til a few years ago which they always had staying in same house. In fact they used to assume we d take care of their dog for weeks on end when our kids were small and we lived in apartment, it was really inconvenient but I never complained.

Aibu to ask is there any chance we could bring doggie with us this time?

OP posts:
Mindareno · 09/12/2021 06:51

Personally I think that parents or not, if they’ve told you no before it’s rude to put them in the awkward position of having to say no again.

Botherfreedays · 09/12/2021 06:52

@Andylion

My parents always had dogs themselves til a few years ago which they always had staying in same house. In fact they used to assume we d take care of their dog for weeks on end when our kids were small and we lived in apartment, it was really inconvenient but I never complained.

Ask your DM if she will take care of your dog, just as you used to take care of hers.

This is a perfect response!
LoveGrooveDanceParty · 09/12/2021 06:54

Yeah. Ask them.

It only puts them in one of those awkward situations where they really want to say no, wish you’d never put them in that situation, and have to figure out how to say ‘no’ without you getting massively pissed off.

And it all could have been avoided if you’d just had enough self-awareness not to put them in that situation in the first place.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2021 07:01

I thought you were unreasonable until I read that they automatically assumed without asking that you'd do very long stints of inconvenient dog sitting for their dogs in the past! Generally I think its absolutely cheeky and pushy when people expect dogs to be invited into other people's houses, but in your specific parents' case, having foisted their own dogs on you for extended stays in your apartment, its utter hypocrisy to say your dog has to go into kennels.

Do they rent the house out or has one of them developed allergies? If one of those things is the case then they obviously can't let you take your dog.

You aren't obligated to accept your parents' offer though - if you don't want to go with the conditions they attach then say thanks but no thanks.

liveforsummer · 09/12/2021 07:09

Just say we'd love to but it's too late to think about kennels for ddog at this stage. They might say ok take her however it's possible too that now they don't have dogs themselves, that it's let out as a pet free property

LondonWolf · 09/12/2021 07:13

Stull finding the dog hairs even tho the dog didn't come!

Really? So dog wasn’t even there but the owners were so covered in shed hair that even a period of time later you’re finding hairs in your home. What breed?

LondonWolf · 09/12/2021 07:14

OP - I don’t think it hurts to ask. I’m not sure why so many MNetters would be affronted by a perfectly reasonable request to a family member.

rwalker · 09/12/2021 07:16

RUDE they made it clear they don't want your dog there. How awful to put them in that position of having to say no again .

hotmeatymilk · 09/12/2021 07:18

Please don't holiday in the UK without your dog (unless going to central London), it's just too sad.
Eh?

OP, you can ask, but it makes you sound like a whiney nag. Would you be asking if it were anyone other than your parents? The backstory that they used to own dogs, you used to dogsit their dogs, etc, is entirely irrelevant: they don’t want dogs in the holiday house. So you either kennel the dog or don’t go.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2021 07:22

rwalker it sounds as though her parents are even ruder though, having dumped their own dogs on the OP in the past without any consideration for the fact she lived in a small flat and it was inconvenient. Given the context it's a bit rich to expect her to self flagellate for considering asking a question - she's putting them in a far less "awful" situation in needing to say no than they put her in when they didn't even ask and just assumed she'd take in their dogs for extended stays!

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 09/12/2021 07:22

I agree with pp. they've already said they don't want the dog in their holiday home, so why would this time be any different?

Ask them if they can look after your dog

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/12/2021 07:23

@Briony123

Decline gracefully and say that the dog is part of your family. They will either accept that you can't go or say the dog can go as well. Please don't holiday in the UK without your dog (unless going to central London), it's just too sad.
Agree with this.

It's the same as asking really but without the awkwardness of actually asking.

Also there are SO many dog friendly uk places I would just make other arrangements.
I know some dogs are more chilled but our girl would just be so upset and scared in a kennel Sad

JustALittleHelpPlease · 09/12/2021 07:25

I've always had dogs until the last few years. Now my adult dc assume it is fine to bring their dogs to my house. However I'd really rather they didn't, I love the lack of smells and mud. I love that my cat is undisturbed and calm. The fact that they used to have dogs is not necessarily relevant, things change.

By all means ask but couch it so they can freely refuse.

GoodnightGrandma · 09/12/2021 07:27

I just wouldn’t go if I couldn’t take my dog.

Kshhuxnxk · 09/12/2021 07:29

Presumably its marketed aa pet free holiday home in which case YABU. To have a dog in a house takes a very deep clean in case the next person has allergies. By all means ask then to take your dog in their home. Also you could have said no to looking after their dogs.

IgneousRock · 09/12/2021 07:29

I voted YANBU but only because of the bit about you looking after their dogs in the past.

londonrach · 09/12/2021 07:30

They said no before which I suspect if because they renting the house out pet free. Yabu to think you can take dog there if been told no. The Kennel thing is your problem not there's. If you don't want to go decline their kind offer.

rookiemere · 09/12/2021 07:57

Ask your DM, but take a refusal gracefully.

As to the rest, we often go away in the UK without ddog. Either our wonderful borrowmydoggy comes and stays at our house, or ddog stays with the fantastic dog walker and has an amazing time with her dogs. Last time he was distinctly grumpy about coming back.

The reason is that we have extended family holidays with a toddler or there are lots of activities during the day that aren't dog friendly. Once DS 15 no longer comes with us we'll do the whole UK country cottage with rookiedog thing.

Austen33 · 09/12/2021 08:02

@peboh

There's no harm in asking, but don't expect their stance to change. The may have had dogs in the past, but decided now that they don't want dogs on their properties and that's their prerogative.
There might well be a harm in asking.

Many people don't like having to say no to their loved ones as it makes them feel mean. If you ask again they will either have to say no again, which might well annoy them or upset them, or let you do something which they wont want you to do. That way resentment lies.

Sure if you ask you may get what you want, but there may well be a long term price to pay.

ReeseWitherfork · 09/12/2021 08:07

Shocked so many people have said no. Open communication is pretty much the key to life IMO. They really might not realise it's an issue.

Can't see an issue in asking in a polite, no pressure way, especially if you're prepared to accept the answer either way.

rookiemere · 09/12/2021 08:09

Circumstances have changed though as they may have been worried that dog would have accidents, be a big shedder or destroy furniture. As it does none of these things, then they may have changed their minds.

hotmeatymilk · 09/12/2021 08:20

Open communication is pretty much the key to life IMO.
And the parents have openly communicated the dog isn’t welcome at the holiday house. Or does “open communication” in your world mean “keep badgering until the other person gives in”?

CornishGem1975 · 09/12/2021 08:22

YANBU to ask, but YABU if you get the hump about her saying no. A lot of people don't like dogs in their property.

trumpisagit · 09/12/2021 08:23

Because you looked after their dog many times before I would ask, explaining why.
Or just say we really don't want to go without the dog.

rrhuth · 09/12/2021 08:24

People taking their dogs usually spoils things for everyone else.

You need to arrange appropriate care for your dog IMO.