To think school didn’t handle this right?

[Adylans]

DS is 8, in year 4 and autistic. Doing generally well at school now after a really difficult first few years. Has an EHCP in place.
This morning he was refusing to go into school. He has a new preventer inhaler and he hates it basically and it causes a lot of issues and that is what triggered the whole thing this morning. Last night he had an hour + long meltdown over it and this morning was similar when he had to have it.
I really don’t think his school handled the situation properly at all and I just feel, I don’t know upset/worried about the way they were acting towards him.
The first thing that concerned me was that they were stood there saying to each other “he’s smiling” “yeah I know he is” insinuating that they think he’s just doing it on purpose for attention or whatever. He wasn’t he just smiles inappropriately sometimes, so do I. it’s not exactly unheard of. And he was probably feeling awkward because they were grabbing him. They kept telling him “mums not going to take you home” if I’m honest if they hadn’t said that I would have suggested I take him home to cool off then bring him in after half an hour or so.
Second was that two teachers grabbed him and tried to drag him into school and I said I didn’t want them to and they were clearly annoyed by this.
It had been about 2 minutes of him not going in, he usually goes in just fine (finally after a lot of issues ) and I just don’t think he really deserves to be physically dragged into school. I’ve watched them do it once before and it was horrible, he’s 8 and quite strong so it takes a lot of force and he just throws himself to the ground and then they try pulling him up and he grabs o to the fence etc and It’s all ends up really unpleasant/ quite extreme and not helpful and he wasn’t doing anything to warrant it- he wasn’t hurting anyone or doing anything dangerous. Then the headteacher came out and (again, clearly annoyed with me for not letting them drag him in) and said to “take him home then we don’t have enough staff” so I did.
The whole thing was only about 15 minutes it’s not like he was kicking off refusing for ages he wasn’t. He wasn’t even kicking off because he was completely shut down and not speaking at all.
I feel like they all just think I’m awkward and let him get away with everything now but I’m not and I don’t, I just don’t want my autistic kid dragged into school and through a classroom full of his peers for no real reason whatsoever. W being going in fine for almost a year with no issue. Honestly if they didn’t try to grab him and just gave him a bit of time he’d have been fine.
I’m going to try and see if the dr can prescribe something different for his asthma as he just isn’t getting used to it at all but there will always be something, he isn’t going to be perfectly fine 100% of the time and I hate the idea of him being treated like a nuisance for something he can’t help.

@Adylans

HangryHangryHippo- I’m not sure he is completely fine with the relief/blue one but just absolutely hates the brown one, says it tastes bad but I think it may be because he has to have it every morning and night and it’s a bit of a demand avoidance thing I’m not 100% sure

Hi @Adylans Hope you get somewhere with the school that sounds really frustrating and upsetting. Apologies if this is off tangent but I wonder if a 'spacer' would make taking the brown inhaler easier for your son? I did a first aid course recently and was recommended to get one for myself. I found loads on Amazon or I think that you can get them free so your GP surgery should be able to help.

• suggestion for an email

Dear senior leadership team. I’m emailing to express concern over an incident that happened at the school gates on the (date and time) My child was shutting down due to acute anxiety and was unable to follow instructions to go into the school building. He was then physically handled by two members of staff in an attempt to bring him inside. He was not displaying any behaviour that may have lead either member of staff to believe he was being a danger to himself or others. Can you please forward me your behaviour management policy with regards to physical handling of children. I would also like to request a meeting to discuss the incident and what we can put in place should future incidents occur. Regards

• personally I’d be after some mega changes or I’d be removing him. You need it in writing what they plan to do to help him when he is overwhelmed like this.

I was merrily assuming your son must have a spacer given his age - if he doesn’t, unless he has breath-actuated reliever inhalers, that’s… Not. Good.

Definitely put it in an email so that you have a record. If you get fobbed off you then need to complain to the governors - check your school's complaint policy.

Well if this child didn't have school based anxiety before they will do now.

It's horrendous OP, manhandling a child with a disability into school against their wishes is inexcusable.

I would put in a formal complaint and ask for an early review of his ehcp. Using restraining techniques is a last resort not a first resort because of staffing issues. If the school can't manage his needs due to poor staffing they should be asking the LA for additional funding not taking it out on him.

As for anxiety based absence they can, categorically, mark this as authorised. You can refuse to send him until you know his needs can be met. I had to do this with my autistic daughter when they said she was fine but I knew she wasn't and was in the process of an EHC Needs Assessment.

Look at the Not Fine At School website or facebook page for more information.

I'm no help with the school, but thinking sideways with the inhaler- can you get the asthma nurse to do you an areochamber (without a mask)? It might dilute the taste of the inhaler. Agree with the pp who suggested the best inhaler for the dose required.

From what the OP said the child put their feet up because they went to physically move him, so in reaction to it @LolaSmiles, in my mind, not justified
I've been trained in both teamteach & Scip and I'm struggling to get my head around this, the way the OP described it.
However, I appreciate we weren't there, but the OP must question the school so they are singing from the same hymn sheet. Something has clearly gone wrong

I 100% agree with you. I'm also Team Teach trained.
I think I've heard/seen enough I 'grab/shove/pushed for no reason' accounts when that were either not a grab/shove/push and there was a reason to use a guide/hold to be wary giving advice that situations told on here are always as black and white as posters retell events.

Taking at face value what the OP says it doesn't sound to me like reasonable use of Team Teach holds. It's something worth raising with the school.

Did the OP say whether they were spoken to about the use of a hold? We always tell parents which hold was used and why on the rare occasions we have to take hold.

@Adylans

I’m not sure how is best to bring this up- email? I’m terrible at writing emails but if I speak to them in person they’ll just dismiss it I’m sure. I’ve complained to the headteacher before about a different issues and got the rudest most patronising reply back that just made me feel like I was being a total idiot.

Put it in writing and ask for a response in writing. If you're not happy with the answer then follow the school's complaints policy and escalate (usually to head of governors).

The use of force was unnecessary in that situation. They should have a positive handling policy in place - check their website.

It sounds to me that he isn't in the right provision. Schools have so many children now in the mainstream that really shouldn't be there. We don't have the staffing to follow a single child round, wait for them to make decisions, if only we did.

Call an annual review meeting (they can be called as many times as you want) and look at more suitable provisions

As an Attendace Officer , a DSL , Parent Adviser and Pastoral Lead at a primary school .
They can not decide to send a child home , its an ilegal exclusion .
No child SEN or otherwise can be physicaly handled in school unless they are endangering themselves or others or part of an intimate care plan.
Should physical intervention happen it would have to be recorded as a safeguarding and all systems/plans in place for that child be urgently reviewed along side parental imput.
Step on and Step up ,two levels of training required before any level of contact can be usd by any staff member to support any child physicaly SEN or other wise with the exclusion of intimate care.
In addition to all procedures being followed all staff would need to write a report which would be scrutinised by the Pastoral team followed by actions ,interventions,support ,next steps agreed along side parent and child voice and an over veiw submitted to governers.
It is assault and you need to report it as such.

LolaSmiles- I wasn’t spoken to about it at all other than to be told today that it was “I know it’s not nice for you but it’s for the best so that it doesn’t become a pattern of refusal” I disagree and think it’s the cause of a pattern school refusal tbh.
His class teacher did have to hold him today because he was trying to run out of the gate after me- which is dangerous because the school gate leads onto a main road. the way she did it, I was OK with. He likes her, they have a good relationship and she wasn’t mean or sneery towards him and was clearly being as gentle as she could with him and understood he was genuinely having a hard time not just being petulant. This was in the afternoon not in the morning because he goes to a little farm school some mornings, so the gate was locked but had to be opened for mento leave and he was trying to run out. (Which he hasn’t done in ages and I’m fairly sure it caused by the fact that they grabbed him and tried to force him into school for no good reason yesterday)
Yesterday was just entirely uncalled for and I would completely describe it as grabbing and dragging and it felt completely wrong, especially as they made it clear that they thought he was putting it on.
I’ve spoken to school, fortunately none of the staff involved have much involvement with DS and his class teacher and the TA’s in his class are great and there’s a plan for helping him into school to avoid refusal now.

friedeggandsauce- there isn’t really any suitable provision for him. He is academically able and almost all of the SS around here are more for children with severe learning difficulties.
He actually loves school, and gets on pretty well there in general. He goes to a farm two mornings a week which has helped him so much and also means he only has 3 full days of school, and never two in a row. Mainstream with help is the most suitable place for him at the moment though not perfect of course

The complacency.The staff involved in the incident including the head work in other areas of the school so your son will be ok. What about protection for all children ?, a voice for the children in the class room/school where those staff involved work ?

Mocara- no I’m still going to complain. I spoke to his class teacher and a ta about how to help ds and a plan for the meantime not any senior staff about the incident- I’m going to email that when I’ve worked out what to say. I did mention some things and I think made it
clear that it wasnt OK how they were towards him. The head is awful and there’s no point in me speaking to her in person I want to try and properly get my point across in writing.

OP don't let the head teacher's attitude put you off so what if she tries to patronise you or dismiss you.
I would also call or any behaviour from teacher's that suggest they believe him to be being naughty rather than autistic.
I know it's hard but you can do it & it feels good when you do.
I once emailed after a meeting where my DD teacher rolled her eyes at something I said, I raised it my saying when I said X Mrs U gave me the impression she doesn't believe that of so why is that when the is evidence here and here.

That's awful that nobody spoke to you about it OP.
If it happened like that and haven't spoken to you, then school can't be confident that they acted appropriately.

Please do complain and raise concerns. Not all contact counts as force, but what you describe sounds like they've not followed the rules.

Using TeamTeach holds should be done in a way that is reasonable, proportionate, necessary, and for the shortest possible time. (Eg a hold might be used to remove a child lashing out from a classroom but once they're in a safe space the hold is released, or a hold might be used to prevent a student harming others whilst others are removed from the room).

The more I think about this thread, I wonder if they used a proper Team Teach hold as if staff were skilled and using an appropriate hold then it would not generally take 15 minutes to get a student into school.

The brown inhaler does taste notoriously disgusting. If he will take the blue one okay (which is still strong tasting but nor rank), definitely talk to the doctor about trying a different one. There are at least 2 others, one is more pricey so the NHS doesn't start people on it, the other is slightly different but does similar. I know that doesn't help with what happened at school, but hopefully helps in the long run :)

what a shitty thing of them to do!

You sound like you're doubting yourself, it doesn't matter how patronising the head is, the teachers were in the wrong if your child was not being a danger.

I think you need to get some support to help you complain more forcefully? A friend, a relative?

Kids these days are luckier than in the past because their parents advocate for them. He's lucky to have you and it sounds like you know what's right and wrong.

This is what it says in his EHCP

Arrangements should be made for DS to withdraw to an agreed ‘safe place’ when he is becoming overwhelmed. Provide calming resources and activities that will help him regulate/ de-stress himself.

When DS is in this distressed state, it may be helpful to consider the following:

• Give DS some space. If it is safe to do so, allow DS to move to a quiet area, if not stand back as far as is safe to do so to help him calm.
• If DS is lashing out, move others from his environment rather than trying to move him
• Minimise verbal communication as this may heighten the distress.
• Avoid talking about feelings.
• Try to refocus DS using a favourite object or interest.

Effective calming strategies need to be shared amongst all those working with DS e.g. to consider volume and tone of voice when speaking to him after an incident.

Goals and information about ‘what works well’ need to be applied across all contexts for consistency.

Which honestly doesn’t seem like they’ve considered at all

@Adylans did you accidentally leave your DS real name in there? Start of second paragraph.

Oh you’ve changed it - ignore me

My two were in this situation the gap between mainstream and SEN they are now home educated under an EOTAS arrangement when it became abundantly clear (by the end of primary) that mainstream was too overwhelming and causing them significant harm.

I know not everyone can do this but there are options if there genuinely is no suitable SEN school and mainstream is too overwhelming.

I'm not saying you are in that place yet or ever will be just for future reference should you need it.

I would definitely put in a complaint. That EHCP if it is the provision in section F isn't really adequate either as 'it may be helpful to do the following' is not quantified and specified provision. You need it to be crystal clear what happens when he is either having a shut down or melt down.

Does he have a positive handling plan in place. In SEN education we sometimes have to positively handle pupils into school. They usually arrive on transportation and the positive handling is weighed up against the risk of the pupil absconding into traffic.
There must always be a positive handling plan in place, the staff must always have had training and positive language must always be used whilst doing it.

It usually consists of two staff linking arms with the pupil and guiding the pupils into school whilst using humour or kind encouragement.

We would never drag a pupil into a school as that can cause escalation or injury to the child.

I would be enquiring with the head if any of this is in place.

Playing devil's advocate here @Adylans but I think they haven't recognised that your son shutting down is a 'distressed state'
I'm not excusing them in any way btw

@HiJenny35

In no other situation would people try to defend the actions and question the mothers behaviour. If her child had no lower limbs and required a wheelchair but they were really busy and didn't have time would it be OK for them to just drag him in? If the child was blind but they didn't have time to find his cane would it be OK to drag him in? You are legally ONLY allowed to lay your hands on a child in order to move them if they are a danger to themselves or others. This child was not a danger to himself or others so they were not allowed to act like this, that the end of it. Just because the additional need isn't visible doesn't mean you can ignore it. As for staff are stretched I couldn't care less, schools get funding for taking children with additional needs, don't want them, state you can't meet their needs and they will be reallocated. Sen and mainstream teacher for over 20 years, absolutely no excuse.

👏👏👏👏This, exactly 👍 OP, YANBU but they were. Schools so often think this is the answer but then the child finds school attendance harder and harder because dragging them in like that will cause anxiety. They may mask and appear fine and then let it all out at home where they feel safe. Yours, a mum of 2 children with ASD, one of which hasn't been in school since mid October due to years of struggling in the school environment eventually contributing to their mental health being in the toilet, as it were. OP