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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse puppy in my bedroom?

57 replies

SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 08:33

Probably shouldn’t post on here but I’m sleep deprived and so exhausted.

I’ve had dogs before and they’ve always slept downstairs. Obviously, they all required time to settle but I’ve never had a problem like this.

My pup is a delight during the day and a menace all night. I initially slept on the sofa but I keep trying to go back to my bed upstairs and she screams. This isn’t a bit of whining, it’s full on screaming. She can go for hours! The sofa is uncomfortable and I can’t sleep on it so even if she’s quiet because I’m next to her dog bed, I’m wide awake.

Some people say I should bring her into my room but I don’t want to!! My room is very small and I want a tiny bit of sanctuary and space.

I’m getting mixed messages about how to deal with this. Some say sleep on the sofa for longer, some say to nip in the bud or she’ll get used to me being there and won’t ever sleep alone.

AIBU to refuse to entertain the idea of her being in my room? WTF do I do? Even my babies slept better than this. :(

P.S. I love her and I don’t regret her. I’m just tired and I want her to be settled at night. I hate hearing her screaming and she needs sleep too.

OP posts:
Tooshytoshine · 08/12/2021 08:43

Have you tried crate training for night time, a microwaveable soft toy and a blanket over the top..? Oncethe pup is used to the crate you can leave the door open but they know it is their den.

My dog is clingy and sleeps on my bed. It is quite standard with her breed - pack hound - to have separation anxiety. No other dog I have had has been allowed in my room...

Original poster
SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 08:49

Thanks @Tooshytoshine she is crate trained. :) During the day, she happily goes in there. In fact, she chooses to nap in there when she fancies. If I close the door, she whines for 30 secs but is otherwise ok.
Crate is covered with a sheet. Her bed in there has a blanket that smells of dog mum and other pups and she has a t-shirt of mine. I have a ticking clock and a hot water bottle.

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 08/12/2021 08:53

Crate and you "sleep" downstairs for around a week?
I managed to creep back to my bed after a few days. Puppy will eventually get used to this.

Original poster
SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 08:57

@Ylvamoon

Crate and you "sleep" downstairs for around a week? I managed to creep back to my bed after a few days. Puppy will eventually get used to this.
Thanks. Happy to do this if you think it’ll work? I don’t mind “sleeping” Grin on the sofa if she’ll eventually learn to sleep alone but some people say not to get her in the habit of having me there? So hard!
OP posts:
GumsAndTeeth · 08/12/2021 09:01

We had the same problem the first few nights, we decided to just leave the crate door open and then she settled - I appreciate that might not stop your pup! But I would suggest just leaving her in there? Come down every 30 minutes to let her out, no talking, until she falls asleep. Give her a mental game before bed to wear her out a little bit and pop her in with a wood chew to keep her occupied.

What breed is she OP? Sometimes different breeds are better with different ways of training them to be alone x

ANameChangeAgain · 08/12/2021 09:02

She's a baby who has just been taken away from her mum and siblings. She's alone, confused and upset. I've always crashed on the floor by their crate when I've had a puppy for the first few nights.
Not doing this gently and carefully will cause separation anxiety. Some say have the crate in your room to start with, then gradually move it out and downstairs. Its difficult because dogs are true pack animals, and we ask a lot of them when we want them to be independent.

Ylvamoon · 08/12/2021 09:03

@SamPuppyBlues you need to keep the crate in its permanent place, don't touch but use your voice to reassure puppy.
If you feel puppy wants out... straight to the garden & back to crate. No fuss, no cuddles.

First 1-2 nights will be difficult.... but consistency will pay off! Xmas Grin

XmasElf10 · 08/12/2021 09:04

I’m definitely not the one to comment on this!

FlipFlops4Me · 08/12/2021 09:04

We bought a second crate and put it by the bed (moved DH's bedside table). We kept the crate door closed but it was snuggly, warm and had a radiator very close - she slept like a total log. Eventually when we knew she was house-trained we opened the crate door at night. She kips on the bed tucked in behind my neck (she's small).

Meanwhile, second dog who moved in a year ago as an adult rescue, inherited the night crate and loved it. The door is open all the time but he loves his crate. I think he feels more secure in it. He was rescued from a breeder where he was crated for 23 out of 24 hours.....

XmasElf10 · 08/12/2021 09:05

Mine sleeps on the bed and he is a lovely hot water bottle!!

Returnoftheowl · 08/12/2021 09:43

On the Doghouse section there's long running puppy threads, where lots of new owners contribute... Might be worth looking there for some advice as lots of people have had the same issue.

Original poster
SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 10:47

@XmasElf10

I’m definitely not the one to comment on this!
Too cute though!!! Grin
OP posts:
Undisclosedlocation · 08/12/2021 10:55

As a dog trainer I have 2 approaches which I tell clients to pick between. Both work, but depending on you circumstances/house layout ,tolerance for sleeping in the sofa one may be easier for you than the other.

  1. Pup in Crate, by your bed. Covered if possible (if pup objects, then uncovered for first day or so, then covered asap. We need to break any dependence on sight of you for comfort. YOU MUST IGNORE THE PUPPY for this to work, the only reason for the crate being placed there is the smell and knowledge of your presence to help settle her. Once that can be achieved without trauma, move the crate progressively towards the door for a few nights until pup is now on the landing/in another room. You can then respite the crate in your preferred longer term spot
  2. The same principle, but with pup in lounge with you asleep on the sofa. Once puppy is out of the room, you can put the crate in its long term spot and get back to your bed
FatBettyintheCoop · 08/12/2021 10:56

Ours whined a bit for the first night in his crate then he was fine. He's 4 now and not allowed upstairs although he has his own sofa and throw to sleep on downstairs so hardly deprived. Smile

Bushkin · 08/12/2021 10:56

We slept beside crate then on sofa near crate for about 2 weeks, then we left with white noise on for a further week or so. That seemed to work

Spidey66 · 08/12/2021 11:04

Ours responded well to crate training, which we did for thest year, now she is in her bed in the ithen with the door closed.

There has been some research showing that dogs respond well to classical music and it helps calm them. Maybe put a radio in the room overnight with R3 or Classic FM quietly on in the background?

Spidey66 · 08/12/2021 11:05

the first year
in the kitchen

HumpreyDowny · 08/12/2021 11:10

Must be very tiring, but please treat like her like the baby a puppy is - in the night she feels like you abandoned her. She might be hungry, feeling alone. Keep her in your bedroom, and only gradually, after a few weeks, start moving out e.g. stairs, but leave door open etc. Luckily this stage lasts less than human babies.

SmolCat · 08/12/2021 11:10

Oh my goodness we had this, it seemed to go on forever. We had just about cracked it but then it was Christmas and with us and family visiting in and out all progress went out the window. I needed sleep and gave in. He sleeps in our bed now...

Goawayangryman · 08/12/2021 11:11

Some (mine included) do better with the crate door open, and surrounded by a pen with high sides. Have you got space for one of those?
I did the gradual retreat thing but to be honest I'm not sure it was the right approach as it went on a bit....

SexyNeckbeard · 08/12/2021 11:20

She's a baby puppy and she's crying because she needs you. Giving her comfort now isn't going to create a clingy dog it's more likely to create one that's happy abd confident being alone.

Can you put the crate in your room and when she's settled in there gradually move the crate/bed downstairs? I know you don't want her in your room and you don't have to have her there forever but if it were me I would start there till she's secure and happy then move her out slowly (over a period of a couple of weeks). Otherwise I'd make the sofa more comfy and accept that's where I sleep for a couple of weeks.

DrManhattan · 08/12/2021 11:41

I love dogs but not on the furniture and definitely not in the bedroom. Your pup will get used to being downstairs soon enough xxx

rookiemere · 08/12/2021 11:46

Can you bring a mattress downstairs and use that for the next few nights?

BeagleBeagled · 08/12/2021 14:46

What happens when you leave the room in the day?

Elphame · 08/12/2021 15:30

Both my dogs spent the night in their crates in my bedroom for the first 2 weeks whilst they settled in.

The crate was then moved out on to the landing and then downstairs over the next few days. Each time the change was accepted with no fuss at all. Both now sleep downstairs as I'm not a fan of dogs in bedrooms either but it eased their transition from Mum and siblings into a world full of strangers.