Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to refuse puppy in my bedroom?

57 replies

SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 08:33

Probably shouldn’t post on here but I’m sleep deprived and so exhausted.

I’ve had dogs before and they’ve always slept downstairs. Obviously, they all required time to settle but I’ve never had a problem like this.

My pup is a delight during the day and a menace all night. I initially slept on the sofa but I keep trying to go back to my bed upstairs and she screams. This isn’t a bit of whining, it’s full on screaming. She can go for hours! The sofa is uncomfortable and I can’t sleep on it so even if she’s quiet because I’m next to her dog bed, I’m wide awake.

Some people say I should bring her into my room but I don’t want to!! My room is very small and I want a tiny bit of sanctuary and space.

I’m getting mixed messages about how to deal with this. Some say sleep on the sofa for longer, some say to nip in the bud or she’ll get used to me being there and won’t ever sleep alone.

AIBU to refuse to entertain the idea of her being in my room? WTF do I do? Even my babies slept better than this. :(

P.S. I love her and I don’t regret her. I’m just tired and I want her to be settled at night. I hate hearing her screaming and she needs sleep too.

OP posts:

gogohm · 08/12/2021 15:36

Crate or small room with bed, water and a toy - leave until morning. It works

MatildaTheCat · 08/12/2021 15:37

My dog Walker suggested playing reggae to my dog when he’s very anxious and it actually helps. Have you tried leaving the radio on very quietly?

Catsrus · 08/12/2021 15:45

My trick was to sleep on sofa until they were settled - but I was generally leaving the pup with an older dog for company of the same breed.

My current dogs sleep with me - but sometimes choose to sleep elsewhere. The key, whatever you do, is to ensure you do not create a stressed and anxious dog. Some seem to be needier than others, I'm not convinced there is a "one size fits all" solution tbh. You work with the dog you have to create the best solution for everyone.

OhGiveUp · 08/12/2021 15:45

I have always had dogs and I refuse to have them in the bedrooms or on the furniture.
What I've always done with the whiners is put a baby gate across my bedroom door and left the door open when I go to bed with the dog bed on the hallway side of it
That way the dog can still see and hear me. I've found doing this has always settled them and stopped the drama.
You could try that.
I despise crates and have always refused to entertain the idea of one.

SirVixofVixHall · 08/12/2021 15:45

@ANameChangeAgain

She's a baby who has just been taken away from her mum and siblings. She's alone, confused and upset. I've always crashed on the floor by their crate when I've had a puppy for the first few nights. Not doing this gently and carefully will cause separation anxiety. Some say have the crate in your room to start with, then gradually move it out and downstairs. Its difficult because dogs are true pack animals, and we ask a lot of them when we want them to be independent.

I agree. Dogs find separation stressful, while humans convince themselves they are fine. My dog chooses to sleep downstairs as she likes the sofa, but if she is at all worried she will come up and find us.

If your puppy is of a temperament or breed that gets particularly anxious then she may not relax unless she is near you , isn’t it better that you both sleep ? Maybe have her crate in your room for a while ?

icedcoffees · 08/12/2021 15:48

Personally I would move her crate to my room so you can actually get some sleep and not be grumpy, tired and sore from sleeping on the sofa.

Then, once you're feeling more rested and she's happy, you can slowly start to move the crate further and further away from your bed until she's where you want her to be.

SprayedWithDettol · 08/12/2021 15:48

Come on OP. You know the drill. A picture or we revolt! 😉

PruGnu · 08/12/2021 15:56

I slept downstairs on the sofa for 3 weeks and gradually moved further away . What cracked it was having Alexa play music as soon as it was bedtime and through the night on repeat. He slept like a dream ever since, best sleeper in the house now!

Roselilly36 · 08/12/2021 16:16

@DrManhattan

I love dogs but not on the furniture and definitely not in the bedroom. Your pup will get used to being downstairs soon enough xxx

I agree.

Goawayangryman · 08/12/2021 16:38

I do think there is a tendency to anthropomorphise dogs and puppies, and apply the same logic and (quite shaky, actually) scientific evidence as applies to human babies and controlled crying. So much of the wisdom of dog-raising seems to be based on hearsay. There aren't many actual studies. Just he said she said. So here's my two-penneth!:

If you do decide to let your dog protest and do the quick and dirty method, then I wouldn't feel too guilty about it.

Obviously mistreatment is awful, but an otherwise loved, coddled, trained, and adequately fed puppy - probably alright if left to work out that crying doesn't bring mum back during the night.

speakout · 08/12/2021 16:42

I am glad this thread has been posted.
Two family membes are pressuring me for a dog, but reading all this has strengthened my resolve not to get one.
I am a dog lover- and have owned 4 dogs in my life so have experience- but I could not put up with all the hassle and work that dogs bring.

Blossomtoes · 08/12/2021 16:45

We had ours in with us in her crate for about three months. We moved the crate downstairs during the day. One night she was asleep in the crate when I went to bed so I just left her there and she’s slept downstairs ever since. So she decided for herself.

Horst · 08/12/2021 17:04

Honestly we just put up with the couple of nights of crying then the pup settled.

We figured sleeping downstairs or giving to much attention would reinforce a bad habit of us coming down on demand to a cry.

We let out last thing for the toilet as late as possible and came down by 6am for toileting again.
Pup had a scent blanket, a toy, bed, the radio was left on, dark room etc.

SnarkyBag · 08/12/2021 17:08

Ddog manage to break me after 9 months wish I’d just given in from the start and got some sleep!

ArabellaScott · 08/12/2021 18:59

What I found was that by allowing my pup to sleep at the bottom of the bed on a cushion for a few nights and then putting her far more comfortable bed in the other room, she eventually made the choice to sleep in the other room. Go slower to go faster, kind of thing.

Splashinginpuddles15 · 08/12/2021 19:44

The key is not to be broken down . I gave in and 13 years later we still share the double bed !

SirVixofVixHall · 08/12/2021 19:59

@SnarkyBag

Ddog manage to break me after 9 months wish I’d just given in from the start and got some sleep!

😍😍😍😍😍😍

Spidey66 · 08/12/2021 21:10

@MatildaTheCat

My dog Walker suggested playing reggae to my dog when he’s very anxious and it actually helps. Have you tried leaving the radio on very quietly?

I read this as your dog called Walker lol. I had a picture in my head of your dog wanting to listen to Bob Marley and Peter Tosh.

Mum2jenny · 08/12/2021 21:15

Mine sleeps with me, it was easier and she’d get cold in her crate in winter. Not a problem as she is small. Wouldn’t want a large dog in my bed though!

underneaththeash · 08/12/2021 21:20

Just put some earplugs in and ignore...it's a dog.

PinotPony · 08/12/2021 21:24

Yes ignore her. Going to her might seem like a great idea but trust me they learn fast that yelling brings you running.

Pups yell. This is nothing new to them. They yell in the litter even with 7 siblings next to them and even mum if they 'fancy yelling'. They scream like they are being murdered and their heart is breaking....! Yet have all the comfort and company in the world around them..... so don't be worrying about yelling.

Take a bottle of wine to your neighbour, put earplugs in and ignore it.

Trust me breeders do not go down and let 8 pups out at 3 in the morning. So don't suddenly start doing it .... but so many owners do because they think the pup needs the loo.

Well they might. But trust me they will just GO (again, as they do in the litter!) if they need to. Don't be worrying about that.

They are shrieking to be let out of this 'damn shitty place you've put me that I don't want to be!!'They aren't laying there heartbroken.

Ignore it. And if you really want to offer them the loo, wait til it eventually goes quiet and go down and briefly with no fuss take the quiet pup out.

But trust me, them going in the crate bothers them absolutely zero. Absolutely zero. And should bother you that much too.

Chely · 08/12/2021 21:25

Fuck that!! Our dog only gets invited upstairs for a bath or if there are loads of fireworks going off and nobody to sit with her downstairs.
When she was a pup the 1st night we had her in the crate in our bedroom, we gave her an old shirt with our scent on the following night and left her downstairs.

Witchcraftandhokum · 08/12/2021 21:43

She's a baby on her own and she's scared, and you want 'sanctuary' from her?

Original poster

SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 21:49

@Witchcraftandhokum

She's a baby on her own and she's scared, and you want 'sanctuary' from her?

Nope. I want her to feel safe and secure. I just don’t want her to sleep in my bedroom. I’ll sleep on the sofa if necessary for as long as it takes. :) I was just having a tired moan.

OP posts:

Original poster

SamPuppyBlues · 08/12/2021 21:51

Thank you for all the advice.
I was going a bit mad with sleep deprivation. Fingers crossed that we have a better night.

I’ve had a big old glass of wine 🍷 and cake so I’m feeling happier.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread