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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think being the other woman is acceptable in some circumstances?

83 replies

Yesssahhh · 07/12/2021 22:41

Do you think becoming “the other woman” is understandable in certain circumstances?

My friend is currently doing this right now with another woman’s man and has done similar before. She also has a boyfriend of her own.
Basically, my friend thinks that when women have been horrible to her (unprovoked) being the other woman with their significant others as a form of revenge is understandable. I’m wondering if other people would think this is acceptable or at least understandable?

I didn’t know what to say when I first heard this. My other friend hearing this was like, “you better not get on the wrong side of X”. Lol.

OP posts:
westofnormal · 08/12/2021 01:35

Of course it is. Single people can do what they want. Men are always going to cheat. Women will take what they get. If it's not you he's cheating with it will be another woman. Do what you want with your own life.

westofnormal · 08/12/2021 01:36

Ohh.. I don't think it's acceptable in those circumstances. That's just plain weird. If you are doing it for genuine reasons it's fine but not great.

Dita73 · 08/12/2021 02:05

If this is real then your friend needs to grow the fuck up

Marvellousmadness · 08/12/2021 02:49

Righto...

My God. Boredom must be hitting you hard op jezus

MimiDaisy11 · 08/12/2021 03:04

Your friend sounds totally unjustified. How horrible do women have to be to her for her to say ok I’m going after her husband?

I have seen people argue it’s acceptable to cheat if your partner has some illness like dementia and you’re basically reduced to their carer. I can sort of understand that as the relationship has changed so much and you don’t want to abandon them.

lunar1 · 08/12/2021 03:06

Find better friends.

Blossom64265 · 08/12/2021 03:08

Wife has been in a coma for 20 years, but he is staying married so he maintains legal rights to represent her in medical care.

The wife is one of the first astronauts going to Mars and has given him permission to have a relationship since she is going to be gone for such a long time/forever.

A super-villain is going to blow up the planet of the two of you don’t have sex right here, right now.

As you can see, there are plenty of scenarios where it is ok to be the other woman.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 08/12/2021 05:40

So go on then. Confused

Tell us why you need to be friends with this drop-kick.

IncompleteSenten · 08/12/2021 05:41

No

user53782991 · 08/12/2021 06:22

Your “friend” or if that’s you, you should see a therapist and work on your mental health issues. Focus on yourself and why you would need to do this to take “revenge”.

FuckeryOmbudsman · 08/12/2021 06:39

She sounds like she has no self esteem whatsoever, and really weird (I'd go as far as to say harmful) ideas about relationships.

It's not your role to be a therapist though, but I wouldn't want to be more than an acquaintance of someone like that.

BigYellowHat · 08/12/2021 06:45

I wasn’t really sure I understand your question when I answered so I put YANBU. Basically, I think you’re friend is in the wrong.

BigYellowHat · 08/12/2021 06:46

Dreadful grammar! Hopefully the message came across.

Rainydayss · 08/12/2021 06:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainydayss · 08/12/2021 06:56

Opps posted in wrong thread, meant for other adultery type post

evelynhugo · 08/12/2021 07:00

I know two women like this, one I'm related to and the other banged my ex husband (bye boy). For these two (both repeat offenders) it seems to also be jealousy. If they can manage to shag another woman's husband/partner then they feel 'better' than the woman who pissed them off or are jealous of and it makes them feel like the winner. Obviously the good feeling doesn't last for long and the guy has to be an easy jerk in the first place so his 'opinion's not worth anything to anyone. Both very sad women. I wish more men turned them down. Both easy and pushy as oppose to stunningly irresistible.

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 08/12/2021 07:03

You are judged by the company you keep. Time to look for new friends!

Amberflames · 08/12/2021 07:13

This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard. There aren’t many times it’s appropriate to use the word slut but I think this might be one of them.

MrsLarry · 08/12/2021 07:16

Your "friend" sounds like a vile example of a woman. I'd keep away from someone like her tbh.

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:24

You sound awfully defensive OP, you mix with very strange friends.

Birds of a feather flock together I suppose?

Fatgalslim · 08/12/2021 07:41

Glad I'm not friends with you or any of yours

Rainydayss · 08/12/2021 07:48

Your friend sounds like a narcissist and/or deep rooted issues. karma will come and bite her on her bum at some point.
I couldn't be friends with someone like that, in terms of friendships, like generally attracts like. I hope that isn't the case with you.

MarshmallowSwede · 08/12/2021 08:17

Your friend is a sociopath. This sort of behavior is common (intense need to vengeance) with people who have borderline personality disorder. Your friends history of doing this many times is why I said she is a sociopath. Anyone who cannot regulate their emotions in a healthy way.. anyone who would seek vengeance for perceived slights by sleeping with men to get back at another woman is not someone I would think has any idea on how to behave in an emotionally mature way. It’s a sure sign of your friends emotionally instability.

And no it’s not ok. If someone is unkind to you, then just have nothing to do with them.

Your friend clearly has some emotional issues and needs a therapist. Why would you want a friend who does this?

One day you will upset her and it will be your husband she screws. I hope you’re prepared for this. And you being her “friend” making it unlikely for her to do this I wouldn’t be too sure about.

FabriqueBelgique · 08/12/2021 08:20

Sounds like your friend has some deep issues. I would tell her that’s not normal, it’s desperation.

WhenSepEnds · 08/12/2021 08:47

@Yesssahhh

Do you think becoming “the other woman” is understandable in certain circumstances?

My friend is currently doing this right now with another woman’s man and has done similar before. She also has a boyfriend of her own.
Basically, my friend thinks that when women have been horrible to her (unprovoked) being the other woman with their significant others as a form of revenge is understandable. I’m wondering if other people would think this is acceptable or at least understandable?

I didn’t know what to say when I first heard this. My other friend hearing this was like, “you better not get on the wrong side of X”. Lol.

Your friend is a (insert expletive here) that's all there really is to say. No respect for marriage, other women or herself. She will end up alone if there's any karma in the world. To have done this multiple times - she should be ashamed
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