Don’t even know if I can give an answer to your vote really 🤦🏼♀️ Firstly I would say though that there could be women swinging round your husband’s neck naked and he still shouldn’t take any interest if he’s loyal so I think people do jump at the women very quickly when she owed you absolutely nothing, it was him that betrayed you.
Secondly I’ve been in a sort of situation like this before, not revenge as such though. A guy I fancied for years from a distance was with a girl for years who ended up moving away for a year and dumping him for someone else while she was away. At this point, for the first time in my life I may add, we started messaging. He was single, I was single, things were going well. I think I had us sailing off into the sunset in my head when he saw it as a casual thing and ‘didn’t want a relationship’ due to what had happened though. It had gone on for a year and it was basically a relationship but had no label, he’d even started taking me on actual dates by this point, not just a casual thing. The ex then returned back unexpectedly from abroad and the whole thing came crashing down. I also know she coincidentally only came back within weeks of hearing we were ‘together’. He got back with her, as expected and I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like it. She knew we were together yet went out of her way to take him from me and I can still remember the intense jealousy I felt now. However as I’ve said above, not her problem, it was him I had the ‘relationship’ with.
So we just didn’t speak until one night 6 months later when we ended up in the same pub (she wasn’t there). I couldn’t even look at him because I was still so let down by the way he’d dropped me. We all ended up back at a friends house though and we very very briefly spoke and he ended up texting me when he left. I went home and he messaged saying he was coming round. We spoke for a while then I went to bed and left him on the sofa. I lay in bed like why on earth is he in my house? What is he doing? 🤔 Again though, no loyalty’s to her and I hadn’t done anything so I certainly wasn’t going to phone her and tell her. He then got in my bed and we ended up kissing, nothing more. For the next few months to a year he would regularly go out for the night then show up at my door in the early hours. Looking back I really wish I’d shown myself more respect and just ignored him but when you’re that desperate to be with someone you really don’t care about your morals and let them back into your life 🙄 I repeatedly tried to stop it though, nothing untoward was ever happening when he came, he just seemed to like to come and speak to me for hours. As time went on he’d start messaging me saying he really wished he was with me and he hated spending time with her etc. Again, I didn’t encourage anything but again wish I just hadn’t replied at all. She ended up finding my name in his phone saved as one of his friends names and clicked that he was still into me. I’d never spoke to the girl in my life and she came up to me on a night out asking me for advice about him 🤔 I told her the truth that he regularly came to my door in the middle of the night wanting to come in and he’d message me etc. She was absolutely livid at this, almost like it was my fault, yet she’d just walked up to a random girl who had been honest and told her all this.
Anyway time went on and it did briefly escalate into being more intimate (which I do majorly regret now) but again, I didnt owe her anything and she didn’t think about my feelings when she did the same to me 🙄 (tit for tat, I know, no pun intended 😂).
Eventually I grew a back bone and started going on dates with other people. As much as I tried to like anyone else, he was literally the only person on earth I’d ever ‘fancied’ or felt like that about. We got on so well and he made me laugh constantly, which made it even harder trying to force something with other people on dates. I would sit looking at them thinking you’re lovely but you’re just not him and I’m selfishly here just to make myself feel better. I would imagine my future, marrying someone, having children with someone and just feeling so flat about it all because my heart was really elsewhere. I stopped talking to him for a couple of weeks.
I still remember it clear as day but I was at my mums birthday party when my friend came up to me to say have you heard and have split up? In that moment my entire life that I’d been imagining, standing at the alter with a guy I really don’t want to be marrying just flashed before my eyes, I could of cried. I obviously had no idea why they’d split up and no indication that it was for my benefit but I don’t think I’ve ever had a better feeling in my life 🙈 (is that bad?) It just felt like such a relief that potentially I wasn’t going to have to fake being happy with someone else for the rest of my life when I knew I just didn’t feel a thing for anyone but him. A few weeks past and he got in contact with me again and I casually mentioned that I knew. The following week we went on our first date (for the second time) and we’re now about to get married and have a baby.
It was a bit of a rocky start and I do regret bits of it but would I have changed it and had the outcome be different from it is now? No! I think first time round I wasn’t ‘keen’ enough and he was too immature but the timing was right by the second time. Occasionally my friends (who don’t know all of those details) will make a comment about how it all started but I think if they were to have walked in my shoes they would have really struggled to have made different decisions and it all worked out for the best in the end so I’m very happy I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend ☺️