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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shouting at me to put her down

83 replies

Sleeplikelog · 07/12/2021 21:17

My 3.5 year old today.

Walking around the shops and she was grabbing things, going to the sweets etc, wouldn’t hold my hand, so I picked her up.
She proceeded to hit me and tell me go get off her and put her down. Ten people behind us in the queue watching.
Is this normal?!
How would you react to this, anyone been in a similar situation? is this just kids or what 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 08/12/2021 01:25

The quickest way to get it to stop is by being firm and a bit cross. Definitely dont get really cross or emotional (even if you feel that way inside) as that is like crack cocaine for a threenager. I also found that a quick chat in the car before we went into the shop about how when we are in shops we use inside voices, dont touch anything and stay next to Mummy…what do we do (they repeat it back) helps. THen when they throw the fit, you can just say WE dont behave like that in shops and pick them up and perform a tactical retreat to the car for a timeout/regrouping.

One memorable shopping trip I was in and out of a supermarket 3 times and the chemist twice before we actually bought what I went for. I was exhausted but it was the last tantrum that dc threw and luckily the baby slept through it all in his car seat. Anytime after that that a dc got iffy a quick retelling about the memorable day when…., helped snap the dc back into line

TulipsTwoLips · 08/12/2021 06:52

My niece did that to me in a shop, with a scream of "TulipsTwoLips I hate you!" thrown in for good measure. I was mortified!

RedDeadRoach · 08/12/2021 06:56

It's pretty pointless getting angry with her. It's her age.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 08/12/2021 07:23

Of course it's natural! She's got something exciting to do and your stopping her!

Turquoiseandgold · 08/12/2021 07:34

When my daughter was that age she had quite a temper and when she got angry in shops she'd sometimes hit me. I learnt that if I shouted "ow" really loudly people would look at us and that shamed her into stopping Grin

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/12/2021 07:36

Three year olds are goblins OP. Actual sodding goblins. It does pass.

londonrach · 08/12/2021 07:52

Vvvv normal. The age 3-4 was worse than 2-3. We now aged 5-6 and turned a corner.

gamerchick · 08/12/2021 07:57

One memorable shopping trip I was in and out of a supermarket 3 times and the chemist twice before we actually bought what I went for. I was exhausted but it was the last tantrum that dc threw and luckily the baby slept through it all in his car seat. Anytime after that that a dc got iffy a quick retelling about the memorable day when…., helped snap the dc back into line

Tbf, I'd have probably had a tantrum had I been with you.Grin

Nietzschethehiker · 08/12/2021 08:05

Another to reassure you its perfectly normal (and one of the more frustrating aspects of that age) my now mostly rational 9 year old was carried out of B and Q when he was 3 , under my arm like a rugby ball whilst he screamed " Help she's hurting me".

The darling little toe rag had also tried to run from me in the same trip on those polished B and Q floors and created a chain reaction which propelled me nearly over his head and nearly took out a full display and an innocent passerby.

That age was tough. DS2 was worse, think I've blocked out that age to protect my sanity with him!

Hankunamatata · 08/12/2021 08:08

I remember avoiding check outs like the plague as this happened everytime. I criedt tears of joy when the brought in self scan.
So yes you were right to be cross and yes she needed a consequence- taking away bubbles

Jayaywhynot · 08/12/2021 08:14

You're not a crap parent,
When all else fails pretend she's not yours 😂

muddyford · 08/12/2021 08:21

I'm just relieved that some parents still insist on their children behaving in public. So many can't be bothered, these days. Anyone dealing effectively with stroppy children has my vote and gratitude.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/12/2021 08:33

Nearly everyone will have experienced similar. Pick up, with flailing arms facing away from you, calmly ignore screaming and any disapproving expressions.

I well remember peeling (with difficulty) my screaming dd2’s fingers off the handle of a mini doll’s pram* she’d fallen in love with. It must be hard when you’re too little to realise that you can’t just have everything you take a fancy to in a shop.

*I did later buy it for her, for Christmas.

user1471462428 · 08/12/2021 08:39

I’m reading this trying to remember the last time I went into a shop with either of my children. I buy very little these days as I’m so embarrassed by their behaviour. Really helps saving money!!

blobby10 · 08/12/2021 08:42

Many times with each of my 3 did I find myself standing in a queue with a screaming squirming 3-4 year old tucked under my arm like a rugby ball/sack of potatoes or even on one memorable occasion hanging horizontal just above the floor as i held their reins!! That one didn't last long - said child had thickly padded coat on so wasn't in any pain from the reins but quickly realised that staring at the floor and screaming wouldn't get a response Grin. All 3 are beautifully behaved, well mannered and absolutely awesome twenty somethings now so clearly my way of dealing with tantrums didn't cause any lifelong damage Grin

whoami24601 · 08/12/2021 08:43

Think yourself lucky - DS (3) has taken to shouting 'you're hurting me mummy!' At the top of his voice the instant I try to restrain him at all. Even just holding hands!

lurker69 · 08/12/2021 08:48

Yeah its normal, one of mine used to shout help me. Its fine its just a stage, i mean bringing kids up really seems to be reassuring yourself its just a stage for them to enter another, terrible 2s transition into threenagers, then they go to school and learn all manner of shit from kids in their class, then they are pre-teenagers then actual teenagers Grin i haven't got past the teenagers stage yet so I'm hoping it might be the end of stages that make you wonder if you are doing it all wrong!

Maray1967 · 08/12/2021 08:48

Just remember that it’s a bad parent who stares disapprovingly at other parents who are struggling. Either offer to help if you practically can - mind another child in pram or guard their shopping - or look away and don’t stare.
OP, my best advice having been through this twice is to pick your shopping time carefully. Mid morning was my best time. Afternoon - no way. Keep the trip short or if it needs to be longer then break it up with snack in cafe or quick runaround eg i used to use Waterstones kids area for a quick play. Use reins or take the buggy - even at almost 4, if need be. I did. Make sure they have something to hold/play with, or engage them in tasks or challenges. As PP mentioned, talk in clear, short phrases before you set off about how we behave in shops - keep it positive ie what we should do, not what we don’t do.
She hit you so it is absolutely appropriate to not give the treat.
If you’ve got to this age without experiencing this so far I am impressed.

KevinTheKoala · 08/12/2021 09:06

Completley normal, one very memorable tantrum my eldest threw at 3.5 involved her screaming at me 'you're hurting me mummy' whilst stood 4 feet away from me and then laying on the floor crying while I was trying to pick her up at 8 months pregnant. I still feel sick thinking about it - completley mortifying and definitely a low point of parenting for me.

YesIcan3 · 08/12/2021 09:11

Aw don't feel rubbish, I'm that mum who can't control there child. It will pass for sure been through it with my other children too! At the moment when picking up other children from school, I'm sure the teachers will just look over at the field where I'm often chasing after my lo. It's draining but will get easier! X

YesIcan3 · 08/12/2021 09:13

By the way it's normal anyone who looks disapproval is just a nob Grin it's normal behaviour.

ArtichokeAardvark · 08/12/2021 09:17

Totally normal, and anyone who looks disapproving has never been around kids. Most adults completely sympathise! My nearly 4 year old still does this, and it's a case of a flailing fireman's lift and marching him out.

TroysMammy · 08/12/2021 09:20

I remember shopping with my friend and her 3 year old. She used the buggy as it was easier. He was in and out of it numerous times and she was getting fed up of the hundredth time of "push me Mum" when she'd stop to look at something. In exasperation she replied "I'll push you off a cliff". The cat's bum look on a passing shopper's face who had heard her was quite funny.

HoppingPavlova · 08/12/2021 09:20

Just wait and say on they will add ‘you are not my mummy’ as the encore when they have the tantrum in public and are screaming at you to put them down. Good times.

Newmumatlast · 08/12/2021 09:23

@Cocomarine

Amazed you’ve got to 3.5 and still need to ask if that’s normal Grin Have you heard the word “threenager”? Wink All very very normal, you have my sympathy though! It helps to engage them with tasks at the checkout, and then chat - if there’s a sweets display, you can play, “first one to find a green packet / packet with an animal on / etc”.

It’s also perfectly acceptable to hand your phone over to them to get them to STFU Grin

Lol exactly. Mine does this at 2. She always wants to walk and explore. She's a quick runner too so you're always on guard when queuing Grin