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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shouting at me to put her down

83 replies

Sleeplikelog · 07/12/2021 21:17

My 3.5 year old today.

Walking around the shops and she was grabbing things, going to the sweets etc, wouldn’t hold my hand, so I picked her up.
She proceeded to hit me and tell me go get off her and put her down. Ten people behind us in the queue watching.
Is this normal?!
How would you react to this, anyone been in a similar situation? is this just kids or what 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
TurnUpTurnip · 07/12/2021 22:15

My 4 year old loves being carried I wish she didn’t as she’s too heavy now 😒

Ohmybod · 07/12/2021 22:20

I’m amazed/jealous that you got to age 3.5 before this was a question!

Totally normal/may get worse/but will pass.

Minniem2020 · 07/12/2021 22:27

Mines taken to shouting "help me" whenever something doesn't suit him. That gets me some funny looks

Veggiepotamus · 07/12/2021 22:29

A craft and toy shop with a 3.5 year old? That would be utter utter carnage with my two (4.5 and 2.5.) but yes totally normal, I’ve long since stopped being embarrassed about what people think

Original poster
Sleeplikelog · 07/12/2021 22:44

God, now I feel for being cross in the car, I had got her some bubbles and took them away until the next day. Do you not discipline at all then when that happens 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleeplikelog · 07/12/2021 22:45

She has of course been difficult before but never hit me and shouted tinker hi if her before

OP posts:
BreadInCaptivity · 07/12/2021 22:58

Absolutely normal and no, taking the bubbles away until tomorrow is fine.

It's all about them testing boundaries as their brains develop and they become more self aware in terms of themselves as a person in their own right (as opposed to being your baby).

It's imho the most stressful time of parenting (until the teenage years - sorry OP).

You just have to keep calm and carry on.

Most of the "looks" you get are not "crap parent" but "thank god I'm not dealing with that phase any more".

BreadInCaptivity · 07/12/2021 23:01

Just to add I do remember a post on here that stuck with me about a MNetter with a threenager who she had to carry out of Waitrose like a screaming surfboard under her arm 😂

Dishwashersaurous · 07/12/2021 23:05

There's about a year when it's almost impossible to take children shopping. Too old for buggy. Too young to definitely be sensible

needmoreshinys · 07/12/2021 23:07

@BreadInCaptivity

Just to add I do remember a post on here that stuck with me about a MNetter with a threenager who she had to carry out of Waitrose like a screaming surfboard under her arm 😂
I am not sure if that was me, but I have done that, along with leaving the trolley in the middle of the isle and sitting outside in near tears while DS calmed down, if I could have gone home I would have done, but we were desperate for food and milk
TyphooMary · 07/12/2021 23:07

One of mine did this constantly. And I couldn't leave her home because I was a single parent.

Hard on me, it is hard on anyone, but my kids are autistic and have adhd, eldest ran because they had no concept of safety and were excited with the world. Youngest constantly fought and ran and screamed and hit etc, because reasons.

I used to hold my youngest under my arm til we were done. Wasn't easy, she's heavier than she looks.

Original poster
Sleeplikelog · 07/12/2021 23:10

*To get off her before

OP posts:
Spitspotsput · 07/12/2021 23:10

Have you tried cheese? I used to get 50g of cheese for DD to eat as we went round the supermarket. So funny handing empty wrapper over at till to pay. It was that or have her grab at everything.

Kanaloa · 07/12/2021 23:11

It’s not ideal but it’s not unusual. Whenever my kids did it when small DH used to remind me of the bit in the tv show Outnumbered. The dad grabs the little boy to drag him out of the shop because he won’t leave the toys and says ‘come on Ben,’ and the little boy is screaming ‘that’s not my dad! I’m not Ben!’

blackcurrantjam · 07/12/2021 23:17

Could have written this post. Mine is a threenager. Cannot take her anywhere - shops I mean - unless it's short and well timed 🤣

shreddednips · 07/12/2021 23:20

This is very normal 😁 my nearly 3yo just lets his legs go from under him in shops when he's feeling peevish. He's a large, lanky child and very difficult to move when he's completely floppy, as he well knows. He uses the opposite technique of resisting being strapped into a car seat by going completely stiff. He flatly refused the buggy (and could escape at lightning speed) from about 18 months so I've had many a mortifying shopping experience 😆

oakleaffy · 07/12/2021 23:43

@Sleeplikelog

I felt like a really crap parent who couldn’t control their child 😫
the very fact you have said this shows that you AREN'T a 'Crap parent' and that you are indeed being firm, and saying 'No'. Well done! I used to pick up my DS under my arm like a large and kicking rugby ball if he was being occasionally naughty outdoors. You sound like you are doing just fine. :)
oakleaffy · 07/12/2021 23:45

@Kanaloa

It’s not ideal but it’s not unusual. Whenever my kids did it when small DH used to remind me of the bit in the tv show Outnumbered. The dad grabs the little boy to drag him out of the shop because he won’t leave the toys and says ‘come on Ben,’ and the little boy is screaming ‘that’s not my dad! I’m not Ben!’
😂
Peakypolly · 08/12/2021 00:21

Too old for buggy. No!!

Mine were strapped into a buggy at every opportunity.

Ilovecats1234 · 08/12/2021 00:21

DD could either be an angel or a devil at that age. At this stage I would.leave the queue and take to a quiet spot and say we will leave now I'd you do not so xyz and there'll be no xyz. Sometimes works, sometimes doesnt. If she goes through a particularly bad time I'll take her our for one or two items with a reward at the end and really applaud her on being good. I always try to set expectations on the way too so explain no running off etc. Also trying to get them involved helps, hold your purse, pay with the card if contactless and no alcohol bought etc. It's a hard age though.

Sh05 · 08/12/2021 00:42

It's completely normal op. It's always in the queue as well!
I normally pick them up, they scream, I tell them they can stand and look ONLY, no touching! If they stand without touching then fine otherwise I'll pick up again which means more screaming from 3 year old.

thaegumathteth · 08/12/2021 00:44

I remember when I was about 4 being out shopping with my brother who was 14. He wouldn't buy a sweet so I SCREAMED 'I don't know him Help!' As he tried to get me to come with him snd STFU

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 08/12/2021 00:48

I think it can be normal. My niece and nephew would do this, as would some of my friends children.

My children don't really tantrum. They moan all day long but don't tantrum luckily.

What have you tried to reduce these tantrums? I know it's hard, but are you consistent with your threats/punishments? Eg if you say "if you kick me again Sarah, you are not having pudding/going to the park etc" whatever you have planned later and do you keep to it?

It's normal, but in my view, for lots of kids (not all of course) it can be parented out by having more defined and consistent boundaries and expectations. Yes, they may still have the odd tantrum but hurting you isn't on and I wouldn't want to accept that x

Juniper68 · 08/12/2021 00:49

I taught ds2 to unwrap chewitts at that age. He could do it very slowly and I'd get a full shop done. Prior to that he screamed like mad in shops.
Not the best parenting in the world but his screams were earth shattering so was worth it.

Juniper68 · 08/12/2021 00:50

Actually he was 2 not 3. At 3 he'd calmed. Ds1 was never noisy.

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