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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just found out my dad threw away all of our school pictures

58 replies

Christmasbirdchristmasherd · 07/12/2021 14:22

School pictures, cards we made, photos of us stuck in taken at school, our school work we saved over the years, postcards from my dead nans holidays sent to us cards, handprints, self portraits. the lot. All of it I wanted to take, put in folders to look through easily.
I wasn't allowed to take it though.
Now the whole lot has been binned. I feel sick. I know some people aren't sentimental but I am and my parents know it. Me and my siblings look through it fairly frequently. Every few years or so
I was looking for something specific, a little book I had made when I was a child about the romans because my son is learning about it now and I wanted to show him. Its in a dump somewhere after being saved for decades.

I don't understand if he wanted to free up space why not ask me to come and get it. I wanted to take it before so he knew I wanted it.
And we go through it all often enough for it to not be deemed junk.
I feel sick.

The hpuse is cluttered up with all kinds of shit but they want to make room by dumping all of my childhood treasures.
I wouldn't have minded if they were thrown at the time but they have been kept for years and I'm an adult now. I have asked for it and been denied but it has been thrown away without my knowledge and without giving me a chance to take it to my own house.

I actually feel like never talking to my dad again, he has form for this.
When nan died we spent a few weeks going through her things, again I was told I couldn't take the lot to sort at my house, and so half was dumped without me knowing. AGAIN, I had asked for it all, AGAIN I was refused, AGAIN it was dumped.

ps I know it sounds like it but I'm not actually a hoarder.

OP posts:

QuestionNumberOne · 07/12/2021 14:25

You don’t sound like a hoarder at all. What your father did was horribly cruel.

He obviously doesn’t value those memories or even consider your needs and wishes at all.

lunar1 · 07/12/2021 14:28

It's an awful feeling isn't it. My mum threw everything of mine and my brothers away because she didn't want to be reminded of my dad. There literally isn't a single picture of us from that time in existence, not even a baby photo.

I don't blame you for being angry at all.

BorgQueen · 07/12/2021 14:38

As someone whose entire family photo collection going back to the 1920’s was destroyed by the abusive pig that is my ex BiL, I sympathise.
I’ve never seen a photo of myself as a child and barely any evidence that my mostly dead family ever existed.

MorningStarling · 07/12/2021 14:41

I know the feeling, my parents have a habit of chucking my childhood stuff away without asking if I want it. I've got custody of the things that were undoubtedly "mine" but shared/family things that I have no right to claim other than if nobody else wanted them I'd rather have them than them being in a landfill somewhere. Lego sets, 60s/70s boardgames, four different models of ZX Spectrum have all been buried in a waste mountain somewhere.

ChessieFL · 07/12/2021 14:47

I’m so sorry OP. I would feel the same.

Fetchthevet · 07/12/2021 14:50

I would be upset too if my Dad did this.

simpledeer · 07/12/2021 14:53

So sorry OP.

He is a total arsehole.

Dacquoise · 07/12/2021 14:54

@Christmasbirdchristmasherd, you have my full sympathy . My DD was also a control freak and thrower away. I would come home from school and he would have sorted through my things and got rid of stuff he 'decided' I no longer needed. Never consulted about it. It's a power trip for them. Has he always been like this?

My parents marriage broke up when I was on a gap year abroad before university. Cue massive throw out of ALL my things bar my birth certificate and exams certificates which he sent to me on the other side of the world. I have nothing left from my childhood, not a single item.

My attic is full of my DDs things from her childhood and it will stay there until she is ready to take them away. Like you, she goes through it periodically remembering good times.

HangingDitch · 07/12/2021 14:55

A horrible thing to do. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Thegreencup · 07/12/2021 14:58

Hmm, photos I can understand why you would want to keep.

A book that a primary school child has written about the Romans over 20 years ago? Nope. I would chuck that too. I have absolutely no sentimental attachment to stuff.

In defence of your dad, was the stuff in decent condition? We've had to recently chuck out a lot of our kids stuff we'd kept because it was water damaged. Thankfully, all of the photos were backed up electronically. But the rest is gone.

MrsFin · 07/12/2021 15:02

My Dad threw my record collection out. It would have been worth a few bob these days . He hated clutter though.

again2020 · 07/12/2021 15:06

My Dad would do this for sure.
It's pretty horrible

Prescottdanni123 · 07/12/2021 15:22

@Thegreencup

Hmm, photos I can understand why you would want to keep.

A book that a primary school child has written about the Romans over 20 years ago? Nope. I would chuck that too. I have absolutely no sentimental attachment to stuff.

We all have different ideas on what is valuable. It wasn't for OP's dad to decide that it was worthless.

Sorry this happened @Christmasbirdchristmasherd

LiquidSodaCrystal · 07/12/2021 15:25

Well it’s a shame he didn’t ask you, but it obviously wasn’t sentimental to him. I’ve done the same tbh and thrown out all my kids’ stuff. I don’t like keeping old mementoes, it depresses me.

If he has anything left that you’d like to keep, ask if you can go through it and keep it yourself.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 07/12/2021 15:26

@Thegreencup

Hmm, photos I can understand why you would want to keep.

A book that a primary school child has written about the Romans over 20 years ago? Nope. I would chuck that too. I have absolutely no sentimental attachment to stuff.

If your child had kept it for decades would you not just ask them if they wanted it before throwing it though? Even if you wouldn't have kept it when they originally brought it home, surely it's just common sense/decency to see if something not belonging to you wanted to be kept

QuestionNumberOne · 07/12/2021 15:27

thegreencup You might not have attachment to things, but it’s decent behaviour to remember that others may feel differently before you chuck their stuff away.

Theunamedcat · 07/12/2021 15:30

You asked him for it and he threw it away is there anything left at all

tallduckandhandsome · 07/12/2021 15:31

Well, you know what the answer is next time he asks anything of you. A resounding NO.

Wanker

PanettoneSeason · 07/12/2021 15:34

@Christmasbirdchristmasherd I’m so sorry OP 😓 I would be devastated by this too.

My FIL is the most unsentimental person I know. MIL and FIL split when DH was mid teens. She left with a new partner (affair) and left him with the 2 kids in the family home. 2 years later he moved his new wife and her 3 kids in - had a clear out to make more space and threw out EVERYTHING. All family pictures, sentimental things from when he was younger, their birth certificates - literally everything. We now have our own DC and DH is gutted that he has no pictures or anything to show from when he was younger

Swirlywoo · 07/12/2021 15:34

I'd feel awful about this too. Sorry OP.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 07/12/2021 15:38

Have you asked him why?

SeaToSki · 07/12/2021 15:45

Why wouldnt he let you take it all years ago… you said you had already asked to have it right?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 07/12/2021 15:45

Yanbu. My grandmother threw away all of thr family photos going back to the 1930s including those of my grandads family.
It's inforgivable.

Skeumorph · 07/12/2021 15:47

He has form? Then he's not unsentimental or 'anti clutter' at all, he's nasty.

So yes I'd tell him you're done. Spiteful man, spiteful actions - there's no need to contact me again, thanks.

I'm sorry.

trumpisagit · 07/12/2021 15:50

If he form for this you should have taken some of the things that were "yours" years ago.
You are an adult and you don't have to ask for your own belongings.

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