How independent is your 10/11 year old?

[Crunchytoastandbutter]

My DS(10) is in year 6 due to start secondary next year. He's very young for his age and not very independent so I'm keen to try and build this for next year.
How independent is your year6 (10/11) year old? What chores do they do? How much freedom do they have (though my son is quite happy to just veg out on the computer/watch TV - so he'll need a bit of a push/gentle encouragement!)

my 10 yr old will put on laundry / hang it up / empty the dishwasher but all only if she is told to
she will do homework independently & wants to walk home from school alone (not in the dark, I said).

What do you want him to be able to do?
What does he want to be able to do?
Between you, make a list, e.g.

• Get up when own alarm clock goes off. Get ready for school without prompting.

• Make and eat own breakfast. Put crockery and cutlery in dishwasher.

• Make scrambled egg, and beans on toast

• Air bed when get up

• Do own washing once a week or Do one wash for family per week

• Go to local shop alone to buy bread / milk / comic

• Go to cinema alone with a friend ( parents drop off/ pick up

• cycle to secondary school alone, crossing two main roads

...or whatever.

Then choose one, break down the stages towards independence, and set a start date.

Tick them off, or traffic-light them as you go. Make sure you mix in things you want to be more independent (getting up and dressed, keeping room tidy) with things he wants to do (going to shop alone, playing in the park with friends).

My 10yo can do things like hoovering, dishwasher, laundry, dusting etc. But doesn't do it regularly. (Its help as required not set jobs).

She can make her own breakfast and lunch. Cook simple meals with supervision. Bake cakes with supervision on oven.

She can go to the corner shop for simple groceries.

Walk to and from school alone.
She can at home alone for short periods. Knows how to contact me, her father and grandparents if necessary (all numbers in her phone).

She is also terrified of most films, books and TV programmes and appears to believe in Santa, unicorns and fairies.

In Y6 my DD was walking herself to school twice a week, including locking the door after herself and letting herself in (secondary age DD1 was leaving around the same time but they never walked together!) Would go to the corner shop on her own, occasionally met friends in town (small town!) if I dropped her off first.

Now aged 11 and in Y7 she makes her own packed lunch (out of choice, I make DD1’s!) and is able to make a cup of tea, make herself something like scrambled eggs, beans on toast etc.

My dd 10 also in yr 6, walks herself to school and we’ve just given her a key to let herself in with after school - she stays on her own for 45min a couple of times a week and so far so good.
She can put a wash on but wouldn’t hang it out after and wouldn’t plan when it needs to happen - we are working on this
She is happy to use oven/microwave for simple meals but needs prompting
We let her walk down to friends houses about 10 mins away and she can play out for a couple of hours but has to tell us if going on to a different house/area.
She is responsible for getting whatever she needs for school/hobbies ready and to plan her time for that
Doesn’t have any set chores but will generally do stuff when asked but nothing too complicated.

Oh she is also happy to be sent to shop for whatever we need and will go into the local fish and chip shop, order for all of us and wait to bring it home which is very handy.

My Y6 10yo is useless!! He can make himself a drink but usually spills it everywhere. He could probably put a wash on, hoover and steam mop, but he doesn't. He can order his own food from the screen at McDonald's and pay for it though

My DS is also in Y6. I'd say he is fairly independent. He gets himself up, washed and dressed ready for school. He gets himself breakfast. If I ask him, he will make his own packed lunch (sandwich). He keeps his own room clean and tidy, including hoovering and dusting it. He has just chosen Xmas gifts for family, wrapped them himself and put them under the tree. He will do his homework unprompted. He walks to/from school sometimes (15-20 min walk) and has his own key. I am pretty sure me working full time has meant he has had to learn things earlier but it is in his nature too to be organised.
He has taken a recent interest in cooking/baking so I am encouraging him to join in with that but he doesn't cook for himself yet.
He can operate the microwave and makes himself a hot chocolate though.

My goodness - we are a long way behind all of this. Re the question of what he actually wants to do - not much of any of these things. He enjoys being looked after - who doesn't if given half a chance 😆. But is also pretty anxious so not keen on say going to the park/walking to school independently.
I'm conscious we need to work on this pre secondary so I'm keen to get a bit of a plan in place to work towards.

My 10 year old gets himself up (80% of the time), showers, dresses himself, makes his own breakfast (either weetabix, toast or scrambled egg), will happily go and speak to shop staff and pay for items himself, goes into shops alone if we're outside.

We live in the middle of nowhere so he can't safely walk any distance to a destination but does sometimes go down to the ancient woodland down a footpath alone.

He's crap at organisation - we have to nag him to sort homework etc and he forgets to flush the toilet after a wee. We're working on that!!!

He set himself up an Amazon account last week and managed to put my bank card as the payment option so he's pretty cheeky savvy...

My 11 year old had just started walking to school and back alone (year 7)

Compared to everyone else answers though, he's bloody useless
His 7 year old sister makes her own breakfast, would happily make her own packed lunch, will help cleaning.
He does nothing!
I honestly think if I didn't exist, he'd literally not have a CLUE what to do with himself!
This has made me realise he needs to do more. Totally my fault, I think he's spoilt

I would try and push him through the anxiety so he can gain more confidence and independence.

Sometimes my similar aged DD has a bit of a wobble and I will cajole her into the task, she’s then very proud of herself on completion. I don’t mean household tasks (have had my DC in training since toddlerhood on that front) but things like, going to the shops, planning a meal and finding the ingredients, posting a parcel, buying cinema tickets, phoning the doctors etc. I follow the rule from about this age that whenever I’m doing anything for her, I think can she/would she/should she do this herself. Not to say she’s slaving away, I still seem to run round after her a lot! Just always looking for opportunities for her to learn and become independent and hopefully confident in her own abilities. It’s worked with my older children.

Practising things like getting school uniform, pe kit, swimming kit etc ready the night before and remembering to take them when needed. Using public transport if they'll need to use it to get to secondary school. Once they know what school they'll be going to, practising the journey, knowing how long it takes, what alternative routes there are, if any, what to do if anything goes wrong such as the bus not turning up.

Basically, learning to be organised and taking responsibility for looking after their possessions - skills they'll need from Day One at secondary school.

My year 6 DD gets herself up and sorts everything except brushing her hair in the morning. She walks to and from school on her own (5 min), but we're always here when she gets back.

She can make basic meals and makes a really good carbonara. She can bake too.

She doesn't do any chores and tends to leave a mess in her wake.

She mostly sorts her own homework, though occasionally needs a bit of prompting or it all gets saved until too late.

Y6 dc1, who has adhd, is fairly independent in that he walks to & from school and to & from the shop by himself. He gets himself ready for school and generally remembers the things he needs to take on certain days.

At home he can make basic microwaveable meals and toast and serve his own cereal, can use the washer and is happy to stay in the house for a while by himself. He's very messy though and his room looks like it's been ransacked.

Dd is just 11, she is fairly independent - gets herself up and ready for school most days (although in there to remind her of things). Sometimes walks to / from school if someone to walk with but we are at very outer edge of catchment.

Doesn't do chores as standard but helps when asked . Can tidy up really well, do dishwasher / hang washing etc but can moan

She often goes to the shop along the road with her friends or for a Frappuccino at Starbucks etc.

She would be able to walk the dog but he's too strong.

In contrast ds at this age was very dependent but he's dyspraxic so I think that's a large part of it.

Sorry, I’ve read that back an I sound very smug. There is still a long way to go and quite a bit of nagging and picking up the pieces on my part. To answer your actually question, usually manages the following:

Gets self up, washed and dressed for school
Packs bag and puts out uniform (night before) also picks snack for break time
Makes own breakfast
Walks independently to and from school or chooses to take the bus (in London so v easy)
Picks things up from shops for me on way home
Collects my parcels from local shop
Relatively confident asking in shops/buying tickets etc
Puts her own washing away
Sorts her own dirty washing into appropriate baskets
Keeps bedroom tidy, militant about hoovering less keen on dusting
Strips bed every Saturday morning, our house rule, making it again is a work in progress
Sets dinner table
Can be left alone for a few hours
Can make simple meals (scrambled egg, jacket potato, pasta bake etc) but rarely does
Can make herself hot drinks/tea but a task relegated to me most often
Could operate washing machine, dishwasher and dryer but absolutely doesn’t

As with another poster can also successfully diddle me out of various Amazon and ITunes purchases.

Does he do anything independently? Like getting up for school himself,getting dressed/washed by himself? Or are you literally doing everything?

Well,it's not like he's 25. He's only 10 so its about as good a time as any to start with some more responsibility. As a pp said, make a list of the things you would like to see him do more of and work from there.

My 10yo gets herself ready for school, she can get herself up with an alarm but I wouldn't like to trust then this alone.

She can tidy her room, hoover, dust, stack and unload the dishwasher, but doesn't do laundry yet.

She plays out and can go round the village, to the playground or woods, and will reliably be back for the time I tell her.

She can do her homeschool work independently and make some lunch for herself and her sister (like a sandwich and fruit) if I am in a meeting.

She can bake on her own and follow a recipe.

Wow. All of this is a real eye-opener.

I have twins, DD and DS both aged 12 (Y7 at school). They're both autistic - DD was in mainstream and outwardly you'd never know she's different. DS has a lot more challenges, still in nappies and special school although technically no learning disability.

So, I knew DS was very different and I knew DD was also "young" for her age. But I think over the years we've just gotten used to things and reading a thread like this is a huge shock to see how different our lives are. DS has lots of needs, I knew that. I don't know if he'll ever live independently. But DD is outwardly much more functional and engaged with the world. But yet she can't bath or shower on her own, needs prompting to wash, dress, eat. Can't make food for herself, gets overwhelmed even trying to work out what to eat. If I'm doing chores she is very willing to help and when supervised/guided and the tasks are being broken down into tiny steps, she's enthusiastic. She wouldn't be safe crossing a road on her own, or even walking across a car park.

Sorry, I know this is a complete derail. It's just that occasionally a reminder about how other families live gives me a real dose of reality and it comes as a shock.

My older two children (boy and girl) were so independent at ten. Younger child though is 11 and is so much lazier and childish. They’ve definitely all been brought up the same though so I don’t know what happened with our youngest son 😆 must be a personality thing.

Ds10 gets himself up, makes breakfast and clears away. Loads and unloads dishwasher if asked, same with laundry. Cleans the kitchen unprompted with his brother ever night, feeds the dog if asked, sorts his homework and school bag. Can cook basic stuff and more complicated dishes if supervised. Has entire responsibility for his fish.

He’s a good lad and I love him.

@Crunchytoastandbutter

My goodness - we are a long way behind all of this. Re the question of what he actually wants to do - not much of any of these things. He enjoys being looked after - who doesn't if given half a chance 😆. But is also pretty anxious so not keen on say going to the park/walking to school independently. I'm conscious we need to work on this pre secondary so I'm keen to get a bit of a plan in place to work towards.

Is he a Sagittarius? They love being waited on hand and foot and they love the high life. [in jest]

My 11 year old is just finishing year 5 (Australia) and he does all his own personal care tasks although I do dry his hair as he gets bored and leaves it wet (it’s thick and takes ages to dry!). He comes home on the public bus from school, walks around 1km to the bus stop, he will do a basic shop for me, will cycle 5k to our local shops to pick up odds and ends etc.
He could cook although has no inclination to do so. He stays at home by himself for a couple of hours etc. He does chores when asked, wouldn’t think to do them without prompting. He’s a good kid, no dramas so far!

Wow, i am excited that my son turned 10 this month. He has grown up. Now he could do his personal day-to-day activities and his own works by himself without my help.