How independent is your 10/11 year old?

[Crunchytoastandbutter]

My DS(10) is in year 6 due to start secondary next year. He's very young for his age and not very independent so I'm keen to try and build this for next year.
How independent is your year6 (10/11) year old? What chores do they do? How much freedom do they have (though my son is quite happy to just veg out on the computer/watch TV - so he'll need a bit of a push/gentle encouragement!)

DS (11) and DD (9) get up, tidies room, dresses and looks after uniform, makes breakfast
Walks dog
Helps with laundry, dishwasher
Sets and clears table
Feed dog
DS - Takes care of homework - asks for help if needed
Manages his own meet ups with friends in park, and his own sleepovers
General tidying in house
Goes to school himself and walks back - about a mile each way.
Goes into town on weekend days with friends
Manages his own pocket money/spending
Can make breakfast or basic meals for himself and DD
He runs errands for us
Does the bins and recycling - we help too.

If you do everything for your child I don’t think you’re doing them any favours. I know it’s tempting esp when they’re young and getting them to do something like laundry properly can take twice as long as just doing it yourself but it’s worth it later.

I know some parents who don’t make their boys do as much household stuff or say they’re not as ‘good’ at it cos they’re boys but I think that’s BS. And as we’re 2 mums we don’t have ‘blue’ or ‘pink’ jobs - we just all muck in and play to our strengths.

And stuff he struggles with are things like - tying shoes ( still!) , doing his tie and remembering to brush his flipping teeth!
Mostly he likes that he is more independent, he likes being able to go to the shop for us for eg even though it also means we have higher expectations and he has to do chores.

My 10 year old can do most of the stuff listed on here but needs prompting for most of it eg clean teeth, use deodorant, do homework, remember stuff for school etc. No idea how to move on from that to doing it all without a prompt?? Especially worried about secondary as the ones near us are really strict about forgotten stuff.

I think my ten year old could probably do most of these things but hasn't done, and that is on me.
He plays out with a friend 2 streets away, and he walks to and from school himself (2 min walk)

He has never been left alone, my husband wouldn't allow it. He has never attempted to make a got drink or a hot meal as again we wouldn't allow him to do that as we don't think he's old enough. He can make a sandwich etc.
He keeps his room tidy and feeds the dog for me every day. Doesn't do any other chores. I'm a housewife so I do everything and haven't even thought to ask him to use the washing machine /dishwasher etc because I just do everything.
He wants to go to the shop but doesn't really have the full understanding of money and change. Reading this thread has shown me that we need to do alot of work with him between now and next September when he starts high school.

This thread is eye opening - my son is great but very young in his presentation. He does almost none of the things mentioned. I drive him to and from school as it's not close, if he plays with friends I drop him off as he has no friends in our immediate community....he does chores but only at our insistence and oversight - same with homework. He is never left alone, has never cooked, we make all of his meals. We still harangue him out of bed and to get dressed pack his bags for school and sports. He doesn't independently arrange meet ups with friends - he has no phone, no tablet and again doesn't live in the same neighbourhood as his school/schoolmates (big mistake). I guess we have a ways to go

By 11 I was expected to regularly look after my 3 younger siblings, do most of the housework and cook meals unsupervised for younger siblings!

Of course I don’t expect any of that from my kids.

But I’m raising my boys to be self sufficient and, well based on all the horrendous partner threads on here… raising them to be decent partners in the future.
A healthy sense of fairness and equality with contributions to the workload.
So yes, they do pitch in.

My ds is 11. He can make his own drinks and meals - he absolutely loves cooking and baking. He'll get himself up with an alarm, sort PE kit and school books for the day, empties and fills the dishwasher, washes up, helps sort the food shop when it arrives. He walks to the park with friends, gets the school bus alone, goes down the city with friends for the day, walks to rhe shop in the village (when we lived in a village with a shop), goes for a run on his own.

In terms of survival skills mine have been able to care for themselves probably from 8 or 9. They did / do scouts and guides, so could make a cup of tea, bake cakes and prepare an easy meal from quite young. People won't approve, but we have a different lifestyle to most in that we have a farm, so in terms of a zombie apocalypse, l'll be behind them. The son particularly can hunt for food, care for livestock, they can build shelters and shoot really well. In terms of catching a bus or actually being street wise, they would be hopeless. That's life though, isn't it, we all have different skills.

My year 6 daughter walks home from school by herself / with friends. She can make a simple dinner (oven crap usually! Though she does like to chop a cucumber 😂) and can bake a cake unsupervised. She pops to the shops roun the corner (3 min walk) by herself when it isn't dark.

She seems completely unable to tidy her bedroom though 🤷‍♀️ 😂

You will need to work on this as secondary schools expect the children to sort themselves out.

DD walked to and from school on her own and from Summer term had also a key to let herself in if DH wasn't at home.

She was able to make her breakfast, tidy up behind her after a meal. She doesn't have fixed chores but is expected to help when needed. So emptying the dishwasher, bringing out the rubbish, helping with the washing.

She was expected to sort out her school bag and bring. down dirty washing/clear away clean one. She changes her own bed.

We started letting her go to friends on her own incl. taking the bus and leave her in the shopping mall. She had strict rules like answering the phone or phoning back immediately and we did check on her in the beginning.

Luckily for us, she loves the independence so wanted as. much as she could get.

I would start small and built up.
Maybe get him to walk to school and back on his own. Be in charge of school bags (primary is a lot more forgiving if things are forgotten than secondary) and homework. Help him developing a system which works for him (calendar, phone alarm reminders).

If he doesn't have one, get him an alarm clock so he can wake up, shower (if he does it. in the morning) and get dressed.

Ask him to do small chores to train him and if you want make him to do some on a regular basis or at least he knows that he is expected to help.

My nearly 10 year old can

• get himself up and dressed in the morning
• make his breakfast
• go to the corner shop by himself

We are working on being responsible for his own belongings (not assuming that mum will have picked it up!). He helps me cook - he’s very good at peeling carrots! He will help with chores if asked.

Y6 11yo makes drinks and light meals (she's making a pasta salad for her packed lunched at the time of writing)
Walks home by herself from school twice weekly - doesn't have a key yet as these are the days I'm home
Pops to the corner shop
Has a good awareness of what's needed each day at school, packs own bag and plans own homework (IMO this is really important if you don't want eventually to be micromanaging 17yos)
Stays home alone for a hour or so.
Can do basic chores like dishwasher/laundry but doesn't unless prompted

Our blind spot is public transport. At the moment everything's either within walking distance, or we take the car. I need to do some tram-training with her.

Thanks for all the replies. We clearly have a long way to go! He's not even making his own breakfast most days!
Definitely need to change things before secondary.

My DD is 10.5 and has a year and a half until high school as we live in Scotland.

She makes her own breakfast daily. Walks to and from school alone, is left in the house by herself for periods up to 30 minutes.

She can also make herself lunch, but prefers if I do it, obviously.

She can put a load of laundry in the washing machine and hang it outside, although she's not great at this.

My ten year olds, august born, y6

Get their own breakfast
Make their packed lunch
Make their lunch at the weekend unless we are eating something as a family
Can cook chilli / spaghetti Bol / curry type meals
Bake a cake following a recipe
Make tea / coffee
Responsible for their laundry getting from their floor to the basket and helping fold and put it away
Walk to and from school (it's only 7 minutes up the road with no roads to cross)
Fiercely independent about doing their own hair, choosing their own clothes

They don't:
Go to the park / shops on their own / play out, the roads are just too busy and the park too far away for that yet.
I've just started to leave them in the house if I need to go to the shop for something. I think I would have done it sooner if there was only one of them but they are still very capable of getting up to mischief.

On holidays they can go to the site shop/ playground / ride their bikes etc

My now 11-year-old was not allowed to walk home alone from primary school at all, not even at the end of year 6. (Other parent's rule, not mine.) She's a perfectly competent normal child. Now, one term into secondary, she takes two tubes and a bus on her own to and from school. But apparently she still can't be allowed to walk ten minutes from the local tube station to home on her own "because it's dark." (Very safe area, no busy roads no through-traffic. It's not dark, there are street lights.)

They're all so very very different OP. Also, independence doesn't necessarily develop equally in all areas all the time. DD2, now adult, would fly on her own to boarding school at 9 (with airline 'chaperone'), once there were expected to stay on top of a complicated performance and practice timetable (music school). So that kind of thing she was OK at. Washing regularly? Changing duvet covers? Homework? Not so much.
Likewise DD1, (also now adult who didn't board) found herself summer jobs unaided, always completed homework in a timely manner, keeps herself and home clean and tidy but to this day gets lost or in other occasionally very dangerous predicaments with frightening regularity.
We can guide and steer and encourage -but so much will be to do with their own personality and abilities.

He could do allsorts but he's too lazy. He does walk to school and back on his own, used to go to the park for half an hour on his way home from school with friends when the weather was niver and he goes to the shop 5 mins away on his own

My 11 year old is in yr 7 but is young in her year. Really I only started on getting her to be more independent in the summer term before starting secondary. Luckily she has a small group of sensible friends who live nearby so they would walk down to town (20 mins), go on missions to the shop with a list etc.

It didn't take long before she started to feel confident. She now happily gets herself up and ready for school, meets friends, walks to the bus etc, with very little input from me.

The thing that has been a challenge is organising her books for school the next day etc. She needs a routine otherwise she forgets things.

If you ds doesn't have a watch I would perhaps get him used to wearing and using one now. It really helps them to have a sense of urgency and getting to places on time. They also start to realise how long it takes to get to places etc

My yr. 6, 10 yr old gets himself up, does his own breakfast (cereal or toast), gets his clothes out, baths and hair washes himself, can make his lunch, sorts what he needs for school. Will go to the shops for bread, milk etc if I need him to. Also strips and remakes his bed, but I wash it. Tidies and hoovers his room when I ask him to.