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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old walking to school alone via a woodland track

327 replies

Loveagingernut · 06/12/2021 22:17

I am looking for others views, maybe I’m being too protective and should be promoting independence.

Back story….
School walk via roads and pavements is over a mile long, however there is a short cut through woodland area where the track is just less than half a mile but it is classed as a forest. On the left of the forest is an industrial estate with approx 60 different businesses. Due to the nature of 80% of these businesses, they mainly employ men. On the right of the forest there is a residential area and the primary school.
The track is popular with dog walkers, teenagers going in the opposite direction to the secondary school use this short cut, and lots of men that walk or cycle to their employment in the industrial estate.

So this is my concern…..
A young mum, that I support, was walking her 6 year old daughter to school via the track, but I have found out that in the cold, winter, dark mornings, the child is now walking to school alone on this route. She doesn’t need to cross any roads so no safety issues there but am I being over protective thinking it’s not acceptable for a 6 year old taking this route on her own.

Mum isn’t taking her, because she has to be elsewhere for 9am and doesn’t have the time to take her daughter to school, thus allowing daughter to walk through the forest alone.

Am I being too protective or do I promote independence.

OP posts:
ABCeasyasdohrayme · 07/12/2021 01:23

I have a 6yo, they walk in alone due to covid. Because the gates are so crowded it would be impossible to say who had a parent do drop off. The school may well not notice.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 01:39

@ABCeasyasdohrayme

I have a 6yo, they walk in alone due to covid. Because the gates are so crowded it would be impossible to say who had a parent do drop off. The school may well not notice.
Do you not have staggered drop-off if it's gate not playground?
SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 01:39

And walk in alone from how far away?

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 07/12/2021 01:43

Do you not have staggered drop-off if it's gate not playground?

No our school is a free for all, there are 2 different gates, a teacher at each and crowds of parents outside both.

The teachers are pretty much there to make sure kids don't leave the playground but they wouldn't be able to tell who's dropping kids off. It's so crowded a lot of parents drop off further down the road and watch their dc go through the gates as well so the teacher wouldn't spot them anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 01:51

I find that really shocking. Are they as lax at pickup?

So yes @Loveagingernut please make sure the school know as its quite possible they don't know.

kissmelittleass · 07/12/2021 01:58

Of course it's not ok the child is 6 ffs please don't ignore this for the child's sake there are as we all know too well many evil people out there who could be walking the same route as that innocent baby

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 07/12/2021 02:01

@SleepingStandingUp

I find that really shocking. Are they as lax at pickup?

So yes @Loveagingernut please make sure the school know as its quite possible they don't know.

Its not really lax, the teachers are there to make sure kids don't get out, it's up to the parents to make sure their kids get in, as it always has been.

Before covid no teachers were around at all and parents either dropped at the gate or stood in the playground with them.

Home time is different, the teachers make sure the kids are handed to their adult.

If this child's school is like mine then it would be like precovid times and the teacher wouldn't know who dropped the kid off so it would need to be brought to someone's attention.

1forAll74 · 07/12/2021 02:24

Absolutely not on,in the area that you describe.

MeanderingGently · 07/12/2021 02:43

This thread is really sad.
Sad because of the number of people who think a 6 year old shouldn't walk to school alone. Of course a 6 year old can walk to school alone, there's nothing wrong with that, why the hell should it be a safeguarding issue??
Attitudes like this explain exactly why kids in the UK grow up over-protected and unable to do anything by themselves.

Simonjt · 07/12/2021 02:57

@MeanderingGently

This thread is really sad. Sad because of the number of people who think a 6 year old shouldn't walk to school alone. Of course a 6 year old can walk to school alone, there's nothing wrong with that, why the hell should it be a safeguarding issue?? Attitudes like this explain exactly why kids in the UK grow up over-protected and unable to do anything by themselves.
I live in central London, I have a 6 year old, should I start sending him on the half an hour school walk alone? After all I have to now assume that busy streets and multiple busy roads are perfectly safe for a six year old.
nocnoc · 07/12/2021 03:17

I think you should report this to the school. Don’t show the thread to the mum.

BurnedToast · 07/12/2021 03:44

Report to the school OP.

@MeanderingGently. Do you have children? Do you really let your 6 year old walk alone to school? Or are you in a different country where it's the norm?

The issue here is that it is not in our culture to do this, so the child would be walking alone. It's different if they are walking in groups..

I grew up in the 80s and whilst I didn't walk to school at 6, I was probably around 8, it wouldn't have been unusual to see groups of young children walk to school and was culturally normal. Times have changed. More cars, better awareness of the dangers children can get into and possibly an instilled fear about stranger danger that's out of proportion with reality.

I don't agree that UK children 'can't do anything'. By the time my two were in year 6 (10/11) they were walking to school alone and now as teens they regularly make their way around Londons public transport.

I think we are thankfully more enlightened about the dangers than my parents were, who frankly didn't have a clue where I was for much of the time. I'd be out of the house all day in the holidays.

I

Connfused · 07/12/2021 04:14

@Loveagingernut

The child is on the schools radar
I don't see how she can be on their radar; if she is you need to also ask them why they are allowing a young child to walk in alone, regardless of route!

How do you (think you) know the child is on schools radar? You can't know unless the school have told you, and they won't have told you because they will not see it as it being any of your business!

If the mother has told you why have you believed her?

WaitingForSanity · 07/12/2021 05:07

I wouldn't allow this for a 10 year old, never mind a 6 year old. You need to report this. Anything could bloody happen to her!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/12/2021 05:13

Absolutely not OK. I do not allow my 8yo to walk to school alone, the school doesn't allow it either until Year 6 10/11 year olds.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/12/2021 05:17

@MeanderingGently

This thread is really sad. Sad because of the number of people who think a 6 year old shouldn't walk to school alone. Of course a 6 year old can walk to school alone, there's nothing wrong with that, why the hell should it be a safeguarding issue?? Attitudes like this explain exactly why kids in the UK grow up over-protected and unable to do anything by themselves.
This is really interesting.

The situation the OP obviously feels wrong to the majority, yet in other countries, it is perfectly normal, on reading the OP, I thought, well that's normal in Finland.

What is so different about the UK and are the German, Japanese or Finnish putting their children at risk by being more relaxed by what should be a perfectly safe journey?

It's unlikely that the UK has a higher concentration of 'bad people' than other nations and if other countries do this as a matter of course, you'd think that 'bad things' would happen very often, because there's a much higher number of unaccompanied DC walking through the woods alone, but it can't do, because then people wouldn't continue to allow their DC to walk alone through the woods.

As it happens, there is a very similar section of woodland that I use a lot, it's a section of old railway line, but then I wouldn't want to walk through it in the dark, even though it would probably be OK.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/12/2021 05:17

@MeanderingGently

This thread is really sad. Sad because of the number of people who think a 6 year old shouldn't walk to school alone. Of course a 6 year old can walk to school alone, there's nothing wrong with that, why the hell should it be a safeguarding issue?? Attitudes like this explain exactly why kids in the UK grow up over-protected and unable to do anything by themselves.
Most of us don't want to risk any harm to our kids if we can help it, but you're clearly fine with it. That's what's sad.
TooEarlyForBreakfast · 07/12/2021 05:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Connfused · 07/12/2021 05:28

@oakleaffy it's astounding that the feckless 'Mother' has care of the little girl being as so many risks are being taken with her vulnerable child.

Feckless? I'm guessing that you are referring to the mother as feckless because you think she is a single parent? I don't know if she is or isn't a single parent.

OP hasn't mentioned another parent but that could be because the father works long hours or starts earlier than the mum starts college, or doesn't live with the mother or has died. You keep on being you, and looking for the mum's bad points (feckless, FFS!!) rather than look for any other equally feasible reason.

I'm probably a lot older than the OP and I used to walk to school alone after the first day (I started school on my 5th birthday, which is how I recall it with clarity) and I've always know that 6yo is too young so please let's not play the age game?

garlictwist · 07/12/2021 05:28

@Loveagingernut is this woodland track in a city starting with L? If so I think I know where you mean and I wouldn't be happy either.

Anycrispsleft · 07/12/2021 05:40

@Wondergirl100

Well it would be unusual in the UK and normal in some countries like Germany.
That's what I was thinking, although to be fair it's a bit different when all the kids are doing it because most of them walk together.

They all know and talk to all the folk that live on the way to school and all the dog walkers as well. I don't know how well that would go down in the UK...

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2021 05:45

I presume you wrote this thread in such a way that you could show it to then little girl’s mum. That was obvious when you immediately said you agreed with posters that walking through a secluded area was wrong. Had you been too biased, she could accuse you of manipulating mumsnetters or not supporting her. Perhaps posters could have thought on that rather than seeing it as inconsistent and a means to criticise you.

However, please do not show the thread to this little girl’s mum. As was said upthread, she will see this as shaming her. The mum sounds manipulative and narcissistic and this will be felt as an act of extreme disloyalty.

You sound unsure of yourself and a people pleaser. Perhaps you aren’t a parent. Or maybe when your kids were young, things were very different. In any case, you’re struggling with this mother. And in these circumstances, you totally did the right thing by asking for help.

As for what to do next, I would contact the school and social services. As you believe the child is already on their radar, hopefully the mum will be offered more support. But whatever you do, never ever divulge you’ve spoken about this woman and her child to anyone, ever. Not online and obviously not to SS or the school. She will cut you off. You know this.

Please, however, do come back and ask for more advice whenever you need it. Maybe phrase it in a way of. I think this is wrong, what do people think and what should I do. You’re less likely to have a chorus of posters being pretty nasty.

And ffs don’t listen to the odd poster, who thinks this is not of concern. Meandering is way way off. This is not in our culture and as you’re in Scotland, it must barely be light! Just checked and sunrise in Edinburgh for example is 8.29 am today.

Jacaranda75 · 07/12/2021 05:56

I live near a highly exclusive private girls school. I am amazed by how young the girls are, taking themselves to school. It is common to see girls as young as 6 or 7 getting off the train and walking along the railway track on the other side of the fence, which is wooded and a bit scary. They always seem to have school bags, gym kits and musical instruments such as cello’s.

I admire these girls and their independence whilst driving my DS16 as I’m scared for him to walk along the railway track Grin.

Bumblebee2930 · 07/12/2021 06:08

Hell no. 6 is way too young to be walking to school even without the woodland walk by an industrial estate aspect.

I live in a village. The school is right behind me up a pretty open pathway - pretty much in sight from home. Do I let my 6 year old walk alone? No!

heelforheelandtoefortoe · 07/12/2021 06:28

OP, you can't be the only person who is looking out for this child, what if, as you say, the mum cuts you off? What happens to the child then?

Phone the school this morning (before she's due to arrive so they can maybe check if you are telling the truth / see it for themselves) and also phone social services. This child needs more help than you and the school. Don't worry about the mum, worry about the child. She needs better.

I'm in Scotland. I'm not letting my secondary DD walk to school any more. its too wet, dark and col!