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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why some people like Secret Santa?

88 replies

FortunesFave · 05/12/2021 22:19

I've managed to escape the things until this year...I now work part time in a place and my colleague has organised a SS.

She's arranged the gift exchange to happen on the drinks night...I hate drinks nights and was planning to avoid by saying I had a prior engagement but when I told her this and I said "Oh I can't participate as I don't think I can make it that night" she said, "Oh we'll put you down anyway and you can just pick up your gift when you come in a day later"

I can't get out of it! I don't mind spending the bit of money but I'll probably pick a shit gift...I've got a guy who is hard to buy for because he likes everything luxurious...he's known for always bringing his own "good" wine to events etc.

The budget won't extend to that!

I am going in today and will be alone and I'm going to swap him for someone else!

I don't give a bugger. I want an easy pick.

I'm wondering why people enjoy spending money on tat or on things which might not go down well? If you like them, can you say why?

OP posts:

Awalkintime · 05/12/2021 22:28

I love SS, I buy really inappropriate gifts for those who can take it and those who are wasp suckers rarely join in anyway. Is your workplace like that or are they all serious? I have my boss this year and I've gone to town on the gifts even thought it is a £5 limit! She will know it is me!!

5keletor · 05/12/2021 22:30

YANBU, just seems like pointless spending to me. 🙈 I would also avoid both secret Santa and drinks nights!

Blueeilidh · 05/12/2021 22:34

It's really aimed at groups of friends who have an idea what people might like but resort to buy for 1 than half a dozen. I'm less keen when it is random person not known well and where there is pressure to participate.

PanettoneSeason · 05/12/2021 22:36

@FortunesFave I hate it too OP. We have a very small team of 8 but the manager who organises it every year prefers that we do it without picking names 🙄 So we get a limit (usually £15) and you buy a gift, wrap it nicely, all put them away I a certain location in work them when it comes to it we all pick one that isn’t the one we bought.
Feels like such a waste of money not to even be buying for someone specific. Plus, we have one team member who is pretty strictly Vegan and another who has a long list of allergies (Dairy, Soya, Gluten, Eggs, most fragrances cosmetics, certain alcohols 😬) so it means having to pick a gift that fits round all these restrictions just incase they pick your gift!

User00000000 · 05/12/2021 22:37

Depends on your workplace and colleagues I think.

I work with a nice team and we don't do joke gifts, just things people will hopefully like. Mine this year loves wine, so I'm getting her a nice bottle.

Ormally · 05/12/2021 22:48

I quite like it because I feel the stakes are much lower than the rest of the gift giving, wrapping, posting, that I'll be doing. It's one thing to think 'Well, I'll probably not get it that right for someone but they won't really be devastated as it's a Secret Santa for a tenner, not the thing they wish someone would get them to show them how tuned in they are to them', and another to think 'I have to post this by X time at the latest, so have to sort out this gift but have no real ideas and opportunities - oh, and isn't it their DS's 18 this December too?'

middleager · 05/12/2021 22:57

It's tedious.

FangsForTheMemory · 05/12/2021 22:58

It's fun, unless you get landed with a bloke you barely know.

bizboz · 05/12/2021 22:59

Yanbu. I find it hard enough to pick gifts for my friends and family, let alone a colleague I barely know anything about. Luckily it's opt-in at my workplace so I just don't.

bizboz · 05/12/2021 23:00

Also it's so wasteful if you buy something the person doesn't want or need.

GorgonzolaSouffle · 05/12/2021 23:00

I get sweaty and nervous watching people do secret Santa.

It’s dreadful.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 05/12/2021 23:01

I think you need the right group of people to make it work - people who know one another well, give enough of a shit to make an effort, and have a sense of humour but not a crass one.

The chances of finding such a group in the average workplace are slim to none. There's always one twat who buys something offensive and another who buys something below budget and someone else who doesn't buy anything at all.

Crinkle77 · 05/12/2021 23:02

Just say you don't want to do it. I pulled out of my work one a few years ago and it seems other people felt the same and followed suit. I don't care if people think I'm miserable.

Landlubber2019 · 05/12/2021 23:02

My workplace stopped doing SS a few years ago, instead we are all asked to donate to a local food Bank and collect toys to be donated locally.

This seems much less indulgent and less wasteful .

Sometimeswinning · 05/12/2021 23:04

It's just suppose to be a bit of fun. I don't agree with people being forced into it. However, you had every right to say 'You misunderstood, I'm not taking part' Easy solution. Or you could just go along with it and bitch on mumsnet

DixonD · 05/12/2021 23:13

I hate it. I’ve always refused to take part. You look like a Scrooge but I accept that. I hate buying for someone I barely know, and I don’t want someone I barely know buying for me. It’s always so awkward.

steff13 · 05/12/2021 23:19

Is it genuinely outside the scope of your imagination to think that someone might find it fun? I always wonder with threads like this, can you genuinely not grasp that someone might like something different from you?

CovidFreeChristmas · 05/12/2021 23:25

We do it for our little team because it means just having to buy 1 gift instead of 7. £10 limit is much better on all our wallets than £70.

But if you weren't planning on buying gifts anyway I can see it would be a pain. It only works if you'd be buying anyway, just to reduce costs for all of you. Christmas time is expensive enough as it is!

QuinceTamarillo · 05/12/2021 23:29

I find it quite fun if it's genuinely opt-in so everybody who joins is enthusiastic. Too many corporate settings pressure people to participate, which annoys not just those who'd rather not, but anyone matched with a reluctant partner.

Also people tend to like it when it reduces buying a bunch of gifts for each of a large group down to one gift to give/get, without slighting anyone. In a case where you'd not buy a gift for any of your colleagues but you get roped into SS, it may just seem like a hassle.

SoSoTiredToday · 05/12/2021 23:33

I love it! I have some lovely colleagues and I really enjoy spending time thinking about whoever I'm guven and choosing a gift that I hope will give them a smile when they open it. I love it!
Come OP, stop being all 'bar humbug!' and just enjoy

coodawoodashooda · 05/12/2021 23:34

@GorgonzolaSouffle

I get sweaty and nervous watching people do secret Santa.

It’s dreadful.

Me too. I hate it aswell.

Blackbutler86 · 05/12/2021 23:37

My old workplace had an ‘opt in if you want’ attitude about it, I don’t understand why all SS’s aren’t like that. That way only the people interested will do it and it is just a bit of fun. I’d buy that guy you got a money clip if it were me. Possibly initial engraved if the budget fit (stuff like that isn’t actually super expensive).

Langsdestiny · 05/12/2021 23:40

It's never bloody voluntary. We are an office of 8. No way I could say no without it being a complete drama.

XelaM · 05/12/2021 23:40

It's a bit of fun!!

Honestly people are so utterly miserable on MN. No Secret Santa, no school Christmas jumper day, God forbid grandparents ask the parents what to get the grandkids for Christmas MN is just full of miserable people who like to complaint about the slightest thing

Jumpingintochristmas · 05/12/2021 23:41

@Blueeilidh

Exactly this. We use it in our friendship group - instead of all buying something around £10 for each other (group of 7) we spend £30/£35 on one gift each and bring it wrapped to our Christmas lunch the day before the children break up for holidays. I much prefer it as instead of getting random stuff you tend to get a decent present. Last year’s offerings included a handbag, a pair of nice pyjamas, jo Malone hand cream etc.

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