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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why some people like Secret Santa?

88 replies

FortunesFave · 05/12/2021 22:19

I've managed to escape the things until this year...I now work part time in a place and my colleague has organised a SS.

She's arranged the gift exchange to happen on the drinks night...I hate drinks nights and was planning to avoid by saying I had a prior engagement but when I told her this and I said "Oh I can't participate as I don't think I can make it that night" she said, "Oh we'll put you down anyway and you can just pick up your gift when you come in a day later"

I can't get out of it! I don't mind spending the bit of money but I'll probably pick a shit gift...I've got a guy who is hard to buy for because he likes everything luxurious...he's known for always bringing his own "good" wine to events etc.

The budget won't extend to that!

I am going in today and will be alone and I'm going to swap him for someone else!

I don't give a bugger. I want an easy pick.

I'm wondering why people enjoy spending money on tat or on things which might not go down well? If you like them, can you say why?

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 06/12/2021 07:08

Honest?
I’ve worked for organisations where I have been overworked, unappreciated with terrible bosses. You know the sort, those who have favourites, constantly change their minds, blame staff for their mistakes etc etc.
I couldn’t leave as I desperately needed the money.
Getting the boss in the SS was a great chance to send a passive aggressive present that would make them look stupid.
No I didn’t resist the opportunity and be the bigger person. It still makes me laugh now.

thepeopleversuswork · 06/12/2021 08:08

Secret Santa only really works in fairly small workplaces where people know one another well. In those circumstances it can be quite good fun.

If you work for a huge company and have to buy for someone you don't know you're asking people to throw money away and I think its in pretty bad taste. I would never require a company wide SS.

Ragwort · 06/12/2021 08:17

I think Simonjt's idea is a good one, why not spend the budget on a book token or similar for the guy who has everything - or even better a charity goat? Grin

I rarely have to get involved with Secret Santa but I get the embarrassment of opening something really horrible and having to smile and pretend it's lovely - I love decent soap but the last time I did a SS I got the most foul smelling soap imaginable- like coal tar soap in a posh box Grin.

FirewomanSam · 06/12/2021 08:22

I love Secret Santa with friends and family, it means only having to buy one gift instead of everyone receiving loads of stuff they probably don’t want or need. I love that I can take the time over the gift for my recipient instead of ticking everyone off a big list.

I have never done one at work though and I am really grateful for that! I don’t think I’d enjoy it at all.

I once worked in an office where a new young woman joined a couple of months before Christmas. She asked if we were going to have a Secret Santa and very sweetly offered to organise it. A couple of the older women who had been there for years threw their hands up and said ‘No! We do NOT do Secret Santa! Never again, not after that time’ and gave each other haunted looks. I never did find out what happened and I will be forever curious!

WildStallyn · 06/12/2021 08:27

I'm with you on not liking work Secret Santas, my last company did it and I felt really pressurised to find something the person would either love or find hilarious. Not easy when it's someone you barely know. Half the gifts I received were tat that went straight in the bin, the rest were hand cream (I rarely use hand cream!).

SS definitely has a place for family/friendship groups though. We do one for the children amongst a group of close friends so each child gets one really nice gift.

Vapeyvapevape · 06/12/2021 08:31

My boss suggested a secret Santa and I said count me out before she’d even finished saying it.
It’s not just the money , it’s just one more thing to add to my list of things to do. We have a family member had an awful traumatic brain injury, they’re now in a care home and we’re trying to sort out their affairs- I just don’t have mental space for buying something for someone I don’t really know.

Member589500 · 06/12/2021 08:34

Get him a scratch card. Everyone likes the possibility of never having to work again

BarbaraofSeville · 06/12/2021 08:38

I'm wondering why people enjoy spending money on tat or on things which might not go down well? If you like them, can you say why

Some people enjoy shopping, and giving gifts is just another shopping opportunity. They want as many people as possible to participate in gift exchanges, because that increases the amount of shopping and buying they can do.

They probably also don't feel any guilt about waste, because they can just get rid of stuff if they have too much, then they can go out and buy more things.

2pinkginsplease · 06/12/2021 08:47

@VienneseWhirligig

We have a SS at work but we operate a wish list process, so everyone enters suggestions of things they might like up to the limit of SS budget, and you pick from that. It helps to make sure that people get something they want and makes it easier for the buyer to buy.
My new work place do this too and it’s made it much easier. Picked 2 gifts from list, job done!
DrSbaitso · 06/12/2021 08:52

I think they're a bit of fun goodwill, but you shouldn't have been suckered into it if you didn't want to do it. The dip should be open, anyone who wants to participate puts their name in, anyone who doesn't want to should be left alone, no pressure.

It's very silly to get worked up over what you receive, though.

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/12/2021 08:54

I don’t like SS either, but I have voted YABU because, a) OBVIOUSLY, people like it as a form of team bonding, like work drinks, and b) you are making a ridiculously big deal out of this.

Buy the guy 2 cans of local craft beer, or some posh chocolate, or posh crackers for cheese - and stop making such a performance out of it.

I agree about not buying tat, but if you buy consumable stuff or things that can easily be passed on (eg socks) then you don’t have to.

Cornonthecobblers · 06/12/2021 08:59

SS at work is a pain, I agree you’re just gonna get tat to put at the back of your cupboard until you can use it for next year’s SS. What’s the point??
However my DC’s and my parents do one, £10 limit usually and we’re all good at getting things we all actually need or will like. If I get my Dad, I always get him a small selection of bottles of Ale that I know he will appreciate.

MrsFoxyplease · 06/12/2021 09:02

@Awalkintime

I love SS, I buy really inappropriate gifts for those who can take it and those who are wasp suckers rarely join in anyway. Is your workplace like that or are they all serious? I have my boss this year and I've gone to town on the gifts even thought it is a £5 limit! She will know it is me!!
Hmm Are you after promotion?
SSOYS · 06/12/2021 09:03

he’s known for always bringing his own "good" wine to events etc

Not the point of the thread but this guy sounds like an absolute tool.

Persephoned · 06/12/2021 09:15

You’re really making a mountain out of a molehill OP. Just get him something nice and consumable like chocolate or a tin of biscuits then forget all about it.

LagunaBubbles · 06/12/2021 09:24

Every year without fail there is a thread like this. What I dont get is how a grown adult can't understand just because they don't like something someone else can think differently!

CurzonDax · 06/12/2021 09:46

It's a bit of fun and laugh - that's all, and I enjoy it for those reasons.

I never expect anything fantastic - it's a small £5 budget, but I do like the thought that goes into the gifts. There is a challenge is finding something for the budget that the person will like.

rrhuth · 06/12/2021 09:54

I have never taken part, I would just email and say 'I would like to not take part in the Secret Santa, please could you give the person I have been allocated to the person who was allocated me and leace me out of the process. Thank you!' - usually people just do what you ask if you are direct.

ChaToilLeam · 06/12/2021 10:02

Aw, it’s just a bit of fun! But if you don’t want to join in, just say so right at the outset. We did it in my old workplace, and if anyone preferred not to participate then that was respected, no problem.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 06/12/2021 10:18

@LagunaBubbles

Every year without fail there is a thread like this. What I dont get is how a grown adult can't understand just because they don't like something someone else can think differently!
It's not that I don't understand how people think differently but it's the expectation that everyone has to join in or they're a wet blanket.

I love Christmas but don't want to waste money really. I would never buy a colleague a gift usually...not one of them!

But showing any reluctance gets you named as miserable! Why can't others understand not everyone likes it!

However...I did swap my pick today on the sly...nobody else had chosen apart from me and the colleague who arranged it all...and I did get a better one.

She's someone I do know more and can think of things she'd like so I'm not anxious about it now at least.

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 06/12/2021 10:44

Glad you swapped Lord Fauntleroy for someone else. I would do the same.

I'm not keen on Secret Sandra.
Someone always ends up very hurt and that happened again last year at my work because some twat gave someone perfectly nice a very hurtful gift. A real hard kick in the cock for him, especially as most people in my workplace are nice. I think I know which twat gave it to him.
I think I'll opt out if it this year. It's not compulsory, it's run using an online app and wish list.
I got a nice present last year so sod's law, I'll get a very shit/hurtful gift this year.

lisaandalan · 06/12/2021 13:07

I like secret Santa, it also works for big families too, my sisters in-laws are a big family and they each choose one adult and one child to buy for to cut down on costs.
Obviously the parents still buy for their own children and their own parents, x

Werehamster · 06/12/2021 16:02

Funnily, my kids decided to do Secret Santa this year, just the kids and parents and I think they are realising how stressful it is thinking of presents, buying them and wrapping them. I don't think they'll be rushing to do it again next year.

phoenixrosehere · 06/12/2021 16:35

Our Secret Santa is simply putting a gift on a table and people pick from what’s there and you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to or say that you didn’t. The only rule is that you don’t take your own gift. No one knows who bought what and people are choosing for themselves not having to buy for specific people. The max is £10. No need to hope you got someone you know well or fret about what to get them. Easy Peasy and I prefer it this way. The way you’ve mentioned I would groan too. No one should be forced or feel forced to participate in something they don’t want to.

Yogaandcocoa · 06/12/2021 18:15

So are the gifts wrapped @phoenixrosehere?