To hate the obligation to buy Christmas gifts to work colleagues?

[AsEmptyAsParadise]

Miserable Grinch alert, but I really can't be bothered with this crap. I get on just fine with work colleagues but they're not my mates, and I resent feeling that I have to put effort, time and money into buying gifts for them. There's 12 of us in the chore team, and then around 4 or 5 who are like 'satellite members'. I rarely see them. I am closer to some members of the team than others (2 of them), but I would just rather have a blanket rule of no presents. Even a fiver per person works out quite expensive once I multiply it x 12, and what can you really get for that kind of money apart from chocolates anyway? Everyone's always on a diet (including me).

I know I don't have to buy anything, but some of them will. Not all. Some of them will come to my office and deliver extremely elaborately wrapped parcels which will contain things like a glade candle, a small can of lidl g&t, a little pocket mirror, a 100x recycled baylis & harding set, some beaded necklace from Clare's.... The list goes on. Honestly, crappy crap that I either chuck away or save for the following year's Christmas raffle.

I know I could just do the exact same thing and buy them similar gifts, or even recycle the gifts I've received, but honestly, even though I know that's what they're going to get me, I feel far too embarrassed to gift things like that. We're all middle aged women, not tweens!!! In fact, last year I showed my DD (12YO at the time) my 'loot', and she didn't want a single thing. Even she chose nicer things for her classmates' secret santa.

I have thought of sending a blank email saying I won't be doing gifts, please don't get me any, but this sound presumptuous. I wish someone initiated the secret santa thing, and I know that that person could be me, but I also can't be arsed with that and I genuinely don't have the time.

I know I am being miserable, but honestly, why do we have to go through the shit gifting charade with people I happen to be in the same team with??

I agree...we do secret Santa. Names in hat £10 limit. Only one present to buy.

I would get some beautiful cards and hand those out instead, at some point this week. A casual ‘oh, I’m not doing presents this year so I thought I would at least say merry Christmas!’.

Less odd than a group email.

That's madness. A secret Santa would be far better.

Yeah it's crap but maybe suggest a secret santa and those who want to take part, can and the others don't have to. Then you all only buy 1 gift instead of 12.

100% not being unreasonable. What nonsense.

Secret Santa absolutely!

Could u suggest it and ask if anyone would volunteer to organise?

£5 Costa/Starbucks/nearest coffee shop voucher for each of them.

Then in the New Year, I'd bring up the conversation of Secret Santa for next year. Probably too late now as many will have bought presents already.

I agree…We do a secret Santa through Elfster, so your recipient can make a wish list that I believe is linked to Amazon, so easy, job done.

Whaaat? Are you saying that everyone at work buys gifts for eachother? I've never heard of such a thing. This is the very reason that Secret Santa exists.

Propose Secret Santa as that means buying for 1 person only. I bet many of your colleagues will be relieved someone spoke up

@TheOpenRoad

Whaaat? Are you saying that everyone at work buys gifts for eachother? I've never heard of such a thing. This is the very reason that Secret Santa exists.

Propose Secret Santa as that means buying for 1 person only. I bet many of your colleagues will be relieved someone spoke up

Not all 12 to be fair, and a couple of them will be from people I report to (usually a bottle of wine), which whilst I don't expect it, it feels okay to receive. No one reports to me by the way.

@TokenGinger

£5 Costa/Starbucks/nearest coffee shop voucher for each of them.

Then in the New Year, I'd bring up the conversation of Secret Santa for next year. Probably too late now as many will have bought presents already.

That's so much money for a bunch of people I truly don't care about, I don't spend that money on my mates!!! We just go out for a meal!

And they've also tried to get me excited about other people's birthdays when again, I truly don't give a shit and I don't expect them to acknowledge mine (which they NEVER do by the way, as it happens in the holidays).

Just don't do it. Tell them you are opting out this year, but will make a donation to an environment charity instead.

I know this takes a bit of effort, but it's certainly cheaper - I am making bags of fudge sprinkled with holly & ivy decorations (Asda).

Box under your desk, 10× mini (1 or 2 glass size) cheap, bottles of fizz prewrapped. Someone gives you something, you say, oh here's yours. If they don't all go, keep them til next year... Can't be arsed with it all myself.

Just do a secret Santa. It’s easy to set up and would save you time in buying 12+ presents! Just send an email or put an notice up asking who wants to take part, draw names out of a hat. Much less hassle and saves a lot of time and money.

@Musicaltheatremum

I agree...we do secret Santa. Names in hat £10 limit. Only one present to buy.

This. It is outrageous to buy for every team member. Way too expensive to get anything meaningful. Secret Santa is a team thing in that everyone sees everyone else open gifts and can be combined with festive nibbles, a bit of cheesy Christmas carols and a bit of time out . The gift itself isn’t the key part.

God, what a faff.

I also used to hate this when I was working (retired now).

I don't do Christmas due to cultural reasons and never even thought about giving present at my last job until everyone bought presents in for one another on the last day of work before the holidays.

I had never come across this at any other place I'd worked and was incredibly embarrassed that I had nothing to give anyone.

When we went back to work after the new year I bought everyone a bottle of wine, saying it was for the new year.

I continued to buy wine for everyone each Christmas until I retired.

I know it raised a few eyebrows that I didn't make more effort to find something more original but it wasn't plonk, it was always decent wine, and frankly I didn't care.

Thankfully, it was a small team, half a dozen people, but having to buy for 12 people is madness.

Instigating a secret santa sounds like something you need to think about, that or just tell everyone you won't be doing it any more and just tough it out.

A couple of years ago I stopped participating in the secret Santa for same reasons. This year it's been cancelled completely as only a handful of people wanted to take part. It's not being a grinch, it's thinking about the amount of plastic and other rubbish that is generated at Christmas and wanting to steadily chip away at reducing it.

Why the hell aren’t you doing a secret Santa? This is madness!

You are not being one bit unreasonable. What a bloody faff and what a waste of time and money. And how wasteful!!! My team is kind of similar in that respect unfortunately. Thankfully there's less of us, but still, I don't want to get drawn into this nonsense because they are not my people, and I have friends and family that I genuinely want to spend time, money, effort and thinking space on. If you're a miserable grinch, so am I!!

I agree, 2 or 3 people will buy for me, at least one that’s on a lower pay band, in the past I’ve not engaged, I’m senior in my team but not the boss and feel bad that I don’t buy something for junior team, but there’s a dozen of them only a couple I know well. Complete mine field. I may suggest dept secret Santa.. I’m not going to work do either, I’m a proper grinch, all gets so expensive though!

As a manager, I have always bought gifts for my team (and Easter eggs too).

Sometimes food, sometimes plants etc.

But I agree, secret santa is the way to go amongst peer group.

We do Secret Santa but, to be honest, I resent that and it's only a fiver from a charity shop.

In a similar team I’ve just written everyone a card and then bought a tin of chocolates (celebrations/quality street) to put in the staff room for everyone to share with a note on the lid saying that I’ve donated money to charity instead of individual gifts.

I’d much rather someone did that rather than buying me a cheap candle/bubble bath/chocolate.
Buying generic gifts for people you don’t know particularly well always seems like such a waste of time/money/resources at a time of year that’s already expensive and busy.