To hate the obligation to buy Christmas gifts to work colleagues?

[AsEmptyAsParadise]

Miserable Grinch alert, but I really can't be bothered with this crap. I get on just fine with work colleagues but they're not my mates, and I resent feeling that I have to put effort, time and money into buying gifts for them. There's 12 of us in the chore team, and then around 4 or 5 who are like 'satellite members'. I rarely see them. I am closer to some members of the team than others (2 of them), but I would just rather have a blanket rule of no presents. Even a fiver per person works out quite expensive once I multiply it x 12, and what can you really get for that kind of money apart from chocolates anyway? Everyone's always on a diet (including me).

I know I don't have to buy anything, but some of them will. Not all. Some of them will come to my office and deliver extremely elaborately wrapped parcels which will contain things like a glade candle, a small can of lidl g&t, a little pocket mirror, a 100x recycled baylis & harding set, some beaded necklace from Clare's.... The list goes on. Honestly, crappy crap that I either chuck away or save for the following year's Christmas raffle.

I know I could just do the exact same thing and buy them similar gifts, or even recycle the gifts I've received, but honestly, even though I know that's what they're going to get me, I feel far too embarrassed to gift things like that. We're all middle aged women, not tweens!!! In fact, last year I showed my DD (12YO at the time) my 'loot', and she didn't want a single thing. Even she chose nicer things for her classmates' secret santa.

I have thought of sending a blank email saying I won't be doing gifts, please don't get me any, but this sound presumptuous. I wish someone initiated the secret santa thing, and I know that that person could be me, but I also can't be arsed with that and I genuinely don't have the time.

I know I am being miserable, but honestly, why do we have to go through the shit gifting charade with people I happen to be in the same team with??

I used to run a Crisis donation alternative at work . Envelopes with CRISIS written on left somewhere , staff kitchen for example, donations anonymous and put into my pigeon hole. Saved on buying Christmas cards/ presents/ secret Santa / paper and plastic waste while doing something worthwhile.

You could yourself (and suggest that others also do) buy a gift from a women’s refuge wish list on Amazon etc. or donate eg to Women’s aid to buy something for a child in a refuge. Afaik these charities aren’t currently taking physical gift donations b/c of Covid, but are running wishlists - take a look at their websites.

I don't even agree with the suggestion of organising everyone to give to charity. And I say that as someone who has volunteered for Samaritans for the last 11 years, and no one at work knows about it. I feel it is sanctimonious and creates obligation.

Urgh. Crappy Christmas presents from colleagues and self-righteous charity donation initiatives at work. Two of my worst pet hates.

Ludicrous nonsense - Christmas is now nothing more than a celeration of gluttony, greed, excess, consumerism, mass production of waste packaging, food and resources, adding to the plastic waste blighting the planet. Just opt out of the whole sordid business!

I just stopped all this nonsense the year the Christmas Party was £35 a head. I announced loud and clear that if I had 70quid spare I would be spending it on my kids. Stopped all the work cards then too. These people are colleagues... I get paid to spend time with them. I exchange gifts with the people I CHOOSE to spend time with.. just say no.

someone at work gave me a christmas present in early december one year. i went TOTALLY down the martin lewis stock reply of "thank you for your present. i didn't get you anything though".

worked a TREAT. i.e. I didn't get her anything even though she was def. hoping for something seeing as she gave me the present REALLY early in december.

secret santa for a fiver is much more bettererest. etc.

Just be one of the ones that doesn't buy presents.

Look surprised if someone gives you one and say "Oh that's sweet but you really shouldn't have.". Don't be embarrassed that you don't have anything to give in return. Then leave them, still wrapped, on your desk for the holiday. Sweep them into the bin in the new year, ideally after the givers have had a chance to see that they didn't go home with you. People will get the message.

@AnotheBloodyChinHair

I don't even agree with the suggestion of organising everyone to give to charity. And I say that as someone who has volunteered for Samaritans for the last 11 years, and no one at work knows about it. I feel it is sanctimonious and creates obligation.

Is that the suggestion?

Why don't you suggest that, as a group, you all make a donation to the local food bank instead?

You need the Martin Lewis Unnecessary Christmas Presents Rant. All office email.

Suggest a secret Santa.
Yanbu.

YANBU. My work has a secret Santa and I don’t even want to do that. I barely know these people and don’t want to exchange tat. We keep getting emails reminding us to reply if we want to participate. I’ve ignored them all.

I love the ‘chore team’ Freudian slip 😆

That's so excessive! You definitely won't be the only one resenting that. I accept that I'm a total miser but I resent presents for colleagues full stop, every other week there's a collection for something.

YANBU to dislike or resent the time it takes and money it takes, but
YABU to just continue with it.

There are lots of options

1. Say you've decided you don't want to take part and ask people don't give to you either, without putting forward any excuse or reason
2. Say you aren't taking part and make up some reason - be it environmental or cost or time
3. Suggest a Secret Santa instead

4 Suggest rather than spending on presents for each other this year, you put the money into a sort of social fund and go out for a meal or something in January when things usually go quiet

1. Suggest putting the money towards a charity collection instead

YABU to keep doing it if you resent it.

We had a colleague start and she bought our team present each the first year (I got a Baylilss & Harding footcare set). She said that she bought because she wanted to and didn't expect anything back.

We all had a private chat without her and agreed that we weren't going to let her start something - so we didn't get her anything.

Next year she did it again and we still didn't buy her anything - we all were very polite and said thank you... think we all brought a box of celebrations/heroes/quality street/biscuits etc to share

She never did it again - we still buy team treats to share.

Just don't do it and give a card instead that's it. You don't owe anyone any explanation!

I have from the beginning refused to participate in these things. I don't even bring in any food when its my birthday (thankfully its just after xmas day so noone is around anyway) but still I wouldn't do it.

Only thing I'll contribute to is a leaving present for anyone I have worked closely with and know quite well.

Just find it utterly pointless and puts uneccessary pressure on people.

I HATE secret santa / office Xmas gifts. I buy wine and chocolates just to receive wine and chocolates in return . Makes no sense .

Plus someone always gets forgotten about or doesn't receive a gift till late February. It's a hassle to organise and it's just a load of junk.

I now buy a box of nice biscuits and a tin of quality street and stick them in the staff room for everyone to enjoy. Much less hassle 😅

Just got my name for the secret santa this year. I have to buy for this lady I have NEVER spoken to in my life. We've been in adjacent teams for 3 years but in different buildings (secondary school). I hate the whole thing.