To hate the obligation to buy Christmas gifts to work colleagues?

[AsEmptyAsParadise]

Miserable Grinch alert, but I really can't be bothered with this crap. I get on just fine with work colleagues but they're not my mates, and I resent feeling that I have to put effort, time and money into buying gifts for them. There's 12 of us in the chore team, and then around 4 or 5 who are like 'satellite members'. I rarely see them. I am closer to some members of the team than others (2 of them), but I would just rather have a blanket rule of no presents. Even a fiver per person works out quite expensive once I multiply it x 12, and what can you really get for that kind of money apart from chocolates anyway? Everyone's always on a diet (including me).

I know I don't have to buy anything, but some of them will. Not all. Some of them will come to my office and deliver extremely elaborately wrapped parcels which will contain things like a glade candle, a small can of lidl g&t, a little pocket mirror, a 100x recycled baylis & harding set, some beaded necklace from Clare's.... The list goes on. Honestly, crappy crap that I either chuck away or save for the following year's Christmas raffle.

I know I could just do the exact same thing and buy them similar gifts, or even recycle the gifts I've received, but honestly, even though I know that's what they're going to get me, I feel far too embarrassed to gift things like that. We're all middle aged women, not tweens!!! In fact, last year I showed my DD (12YO at the time) my 'loot', and she didn't want a single thing. Even she chose nicer things for her classmates' secret santa.

I have thought of sending a blank email saying I won't be doing gifts, please don't get me any, but this sound presumptuous. I wish someone initiated the secret santa thing, and I know that that person could be me, but I also can't be arsed with that and I genuinely don't have the time.

I know I am being miserable, but honestly, why do we have to go through the shit gifting charade with people I happen to be in the same team with??

I have never heard of this before unless it's the manager buying gifts for the team they supervise .

Have done in a very small office - 3/4 people but normally a secret Santa - and people are allowed to opt out .

Definitely yanbu. I would do the email, with a lovely Christmassy photo attached, saying that you’re not doing presents for environmental reasons but making a charity donation instead, feel free not to give me anything.

Either that, or do the mini Prosecco idea a pp suggested this year and send out the email a bit earlier next year to warn them.

Definitely don’t buy little bits of things though. You can get decent quality mini Proseccos or mini pannetones for around £3 each, I’d just buy 12 and give them out with a card if you have to do them.

I don’t buy anything for colleagues - have even stopped sending cards to them! Much better than giving / getting some random stuff just for the sake of it,

@CraftyGin

Just don't do it. Tell them you are opting out this year, but will make a donation to an environment charity instead.

I agree with this. I've never worked in an office where people buy presents for each other - thank god - but surely everyone hates it? It only takes one person to opt out and you'll probably find that with a sigh of relief everyone else will follow. Be brave and be the first to say 'thanks, but no thanks'.

Just don’t.

Buy a set of nice-ish Christmas ornaments and give them one each with a card.

I hate this crap as well. You've left it too late for this year but in 2022 I suggest you draft a sustainability strategy for your office that does away with this kind of giving

I didn’t even know buying gifts for colleagues was a ‘thing’. Secret Santa or nothing I’d say.

I'm so over presents; waste of resource, time and money. Just do secret Santa if anything. This year someone has suggested a free thing, like writing a poem. I think I'll write a funny poem for my team.

I honestly though I was going to get a roasting for being miserable!! It's good to see I am not the only one who feels this is an inappropriate waste of money, time and resources. It's given me some confidence to stay out of the whole thing, including the mini prosecco bottles.

I would genuinely love to hear from those of you who do this actually.

Especially those of you who suddenly decide to start doing it.

Do you not realise that it can be uncomfortable for the receiver and that it creates obligation?

Are you hoping that your work colleagues will like you more as a result?

Are you wrapping utter crap and gifting it in the hope that you get some crap back, or in the knowledge that people will feel too embarrassed to give back the type of shite you gift, and thus you will receive decent stuff back?

All of you who do this, FYI, anything that you've saved from previous years and re-gift, the recipient KNOWS you've done exactly this. Any crap you've bought from discount stores or the 'Christmas gift' shelves of your local supermarket, it's all a bunch of bloody crap NO ONE wants. Or do YOU actually want it when you give it to others FFS.

Non-descript creams, soaps and candles are shite and no one wants to put that on their bodies or inhale them. Stop giving them to people.

See OP? In the miserable grinch competition, I win

i dipped out completely . lovely people but i work to spend money on my family
no one was offended

That’s crazy (like primary school or something!) - secret Santa if they feel the need.

Explain it as an environmental drive to reduce landfill consumerism - adding a plea that ss presents can be consumed or can usefully be passed on if not wanted (socks - yes, musical Christmas tie - no).

It’s a seriously thing actually - ss is the worst for landfill tat

I've never worked anywhere that did this. I've only ever had a £10 Secret Santa and the current set-up involves us donating a £20 toy to a charity that supplies gifts to kids who might not otherwise get one.

I would not have the headspace to buy 20 shitty gifts to randoms I work with. Be the one the say 'let's end this'. I bet there'll be enthusiastic support.

Well with all the focus on the climate change crisis why not suggest secret Santa for environmental reasons, cut down on all that packaging and plastic, better for the environment and for everyone's pocket...🤔

YANBU to hate this nonsense. There is no way I would participate. Many years ago I unilaterally stopped sending Christmas cards to colleagues and bought in a box of biscuits instead. The following year, everyone else did the same.

YABU for moaning about the situation. Either unilaterally opt out or suggesting a secret Santa and opt out if the idea isn’t accepted.

@AnotheBloodyChinHair

I would genuinely love to hear from those of you who do this actually.

Especially those of you who suddenly decide to start doing it.

Do you not realise that it can be uncomfortable for the receiver and that it creates obligation?

Are you hoping that your work colleagues will like you more as a result?

Are you wrapping utter crap and gifting it in the hope that you get some crap back, or in the knowledge that people will feel too embarrassed to give back the type of shite you gift, and thus you will receive decent stuff back?

All of you who do this, FYI, anything that you've saved from previous years and re-gift, the recipient KNOWS you've done exactly this. Any crap you've bought from discount stores or the 'Christmas gift' shelves of your local supermarket, it's all a bunch of bloody crap NO ONE wants. Or do YOU actually want it when you give it to others FFS.

Non-descript creams, soaps and candles are shite and no one wants to put that on their bodies or inhale them. Stop giving them to people.

See OP? In the miserable grinch competition, I win

😂😂👏🏻👏🏻 Totally agree. What is the thinking of people who do this??

I’d say do secret Santa- there’s websites that sort it all out. You put everyone’s email in and it tells you who your secret Santa- people can write in what they would prefer to get too.

I think you are a bit late to do anything but wrap up bottles of Lidl fizz prettily. Then in October next year, suggest that rather than doing presents at all (because secret santa is shit too) that everyone brings in £5/£10 worth of things on the local food banks christmas wish list

You aren’t a miserable grinch. You are being perfectly reasonable. Gift giving out of obligation is not good. It wastes people’s time, money and negatively impacts on the environment.
It’s perfectly reasonable to just stop. You won’t be the only one especially as more people are becoming more conscious about environmental protection.
Make a choice you are comfortable with and not buy anything for the sake of it.

Maybe instead you could suggest a charity collection. Food item for a food bank? Pet food for a sanctuary? Gloves, scarves etc for a homeless charity? Lots of options.

I actually really hate Secret Santa too. My co-workers are gift-givers. For example, someone was off sick, so brought a gift for the person who covered for them. I never reciprocate, so now no one buys for me and I'm a lot happier. Just don't buy this year and they will get the hint or send the email.

The food bank idea is great - definitely going to suggest that at work!

This is why most workplaces do secret Santa if they bother with gifts at all. Make it optional, set a reasonable price limit, much easier!

If you’re close friends with one or two colleagues then you can still get them something and give it to them outside of work.

Even secret Santa is a total ballache that is too much admin and everyone can’t be fagged with either. What’s the point? Why does there have to be so much stuff?

I'm 73 and worked for a long time and in that time I have never brought a present, Christmas, birthday etc., for a colleague other than someone who was also a personal friend! I've made the statutory contributions to wedding, baby etc presents and when I was the head of my department I took cakes and wine in for the end of term, that's all. I can't imagine having to buy for all and sundry.

I like the food bank idea but I think if people like giving and receiving presents, then that's up to them. Just quietly opt out and leave them to it.