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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playing games

61 replies

WhatamI87 · 04/12/2021 20:32

My partner works full time I'm at the moment on maternity leave. As soon as he finishes work he plays games. It's now the weekend I'm in the living room with our baby and he's playing games Instead of spending time as a family

OP posts:
Extragherkinsplease · 04/12/2021 20:37

Have you spoken to him about it?

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 04/12/2021 20:44

Yeah he just says I'm allowed to as I work all week. It's like he hates spending quality time with us. It just hurts hed rather play games than spend time with me and his baby.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 04/12/2021 20:45

Tell him he's currently working 37.5 (or whatever) hours a week and you're working 24/7. Ask him to explain how that's fair.

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 04/12/2021 20:47

I've said I don't stop looking after the baby. Which I don't mind at all. Just pisses me off he doesn't bother he'd rather play games

OP posts:
Chely · 04/12/2021 20:55

If he's not willing to put a time limit on it I would be weighing up if I wanted to stay in a relationship like that or not.
Gaming can be addictive and most don't think they have a problem.

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 04/12/2021 21:06

He said when I was pregnant that the gaming won't stop Guess he wasn't lying.

OP posts:
bravefox · 04/12/2021 22:07

Christ what a man-child. Let me guess, do you do all his laundry, housework, food shopping, cooking too?

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 04/12/2021 22:11

Yeah I pretty much do everything in the house. He will do the dishes sometimes. He never does the laundry or housework. He does online food shopping.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 04/12/2021 22:52

Well you'd want to stop washing his clothes and dishes so.

oviraptor21 · 04/12/2021 22:56

Did you jointly decide to have a baby?
Does he add anything beyond an income?

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 05/12/2021 04:12

He was against the baby to begin with. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose. Sorry what do you mean fies he add anything beyond an income.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 05/12/2021 08:13

He told you exactly how things would be and you're upset that he's doing what he said he would - so why are you still with him waiting for him to change? He won't. He doesn't care.

HugeAckmansWife · 05/12/2021 08:30

Does he contribute to the household in any way other than financial? Time, attention, good company, childcare? Tats what the pp meant by 'add'. If the answer to that is no, then for Christ's sake, get out of this. Was the pregnancy planned? If he was against it from the start and was clear with you about that, you can't really be surprised or disappointed. But you don't have to put up with it. Do your homework, find out what you'd be entitled to re UC etc and maintenance from him (put his wage into the cms calculator online) and make a plan. Better your child grow up with one loving parent than one stressed and resentful one and one who ignores them and has utter contempt for their mother.

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 05/12/2021 09:58

The baby wasn't planned. No he clearly doesn't care about me. He's definitely changed since I've had the baby for example no kisses at all. He won't hug me. He will occasionally have sex but that's like once a month. He doesn't talk to me. All he wants to do is work - I know he has to work to keep our money going. He will play games yeah I know he said he would continue playing when the baby arrived but I didn't expect him to be like this. We don't talk at all. I just feel I'm just here to look after his baby. I will play with our baby for like 10-20 minutes but that's about it. I'm constantly with our baby.

OP posts:
Coriandersucks · 05/12/2021 10:05

Sorry but he’s checked out op and he isn’t going to change.

You need to decide what you’re going to do about it - keep going as is or make a life for yourself and your baby

Itsalmostanaccessory · 05/12/2021 10:09

In this day and age, with the preventative we have, an unplanned pregnancy is really easily avoided. There are also options when they happen.

He didnt want a child. He told you what he would be like. You chose to get pregnant and have a baby. You knew what it would be like. You cant complain now if you choose to stay with him.

He needs to provide financially. If you have sex, you may end up with a child and need to support it. But that's all he needs to do. Leave him, make a better life for yourself. And make better decisions in the future.

nimbuscloud · 05/12/2021 10:11

Split up
That’s no life for you or your child

AuntieMarys · 05/12/2021 10:26

This isn't going to work. Have some self respect and leave.

Rainbowqueeen · 05/12/2021 10:30

Start planning for a future without him. Sorry OP
You can’t force someone to change, he has made his feelings clear and you need to use your time and energy on improving your own life not trying to persuade him to step up

Original poster
WhatamI87 · 05/12/2021 11:34

I know I can't change him but surely his child is more important than playing games he's missing out on so much. He stayed downstairs last night until like 12 o clock while me and baby were asleep. Then I did the night feeds and changed the baby he just slept through pissed me off

OP posts:
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 05/12/2021 11:37

He didn't want a baby and he's proving that. Women tend to step up in these situations, men don't. That's not an excuse far from it, just don't pin your hopes on him suddenly becoming an engaged parent and partner. You need to think about why you are staying in this relationship

nimbuscloud · 05/12/2021 11:38

He didn’t want the baby
He still doesn’t want the baby
That’s it really

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 05/12/2021 11:47

@WhatamI87

He said when I was pregnant that the gaming won't stop Guess he wasn't lying.
He was telling you who he was - you should've listened. He didn't want the baby, he put his cards on the table by telling you this. I'm not sure why you would have expected anything different.
Original poster
WhatamI87 · 05/12/2021 12:05

I always thought he would change but clearly he hasn't. The relationship isn't going well at all. Sex is important I know after a baby things change ie tired etc. But he won't even kiss me. I go to kiss him and he pushes away. He loves the baby no doubt in my mind about that. But I don't see why he don't want to spend time with us

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 05/12/2021 12:12

Baby wasn't planned.

He said that he didn't want a child.

You chose to go ahead anyway.

You knew that you were choosing to be a single parent, he was really clear in his position.

Why are you even still living together?

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