Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What’s your verdict on this comment?

68 replies

TheRigatonini · 04/12/2021 19:00

Two friends discussing dating, finding a LTR / life partner, etc.

Friend 1: Describes using an OLD site a few years back, going on a few dates.

Friend 2: I think I’m not that desperate yet.

YANBU - totally normal, innocuous comment
YABU - friend 1 might be offended by comment

OP posts:
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 04/12/2021 19:01

OLD is the pits! Friend two is right to avoid.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 04/12/2021 19:03

I could see how friend 1 would take offense. If they were truly good friends I hope friend 1 said something like "oi, thanks!" and they were able to laugh it off. I am assuming you are friend 1.

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 04/12/2021 19:04

Friend 2 is right from most evidence I have seen tbh

Gottahavehighhopes · 04/12/2021 19:07

Friend 2 did imply that friend 1 was desperate

People do judge those who meet online as if its less valid

GetTheFlockOutOfHere · 04/12/2021 19:07

Afraid I agree with the friend.

If me and DH split, or he died, I probably would not bother with another man anyway, but if I DID start to feel a bit lonely/in need of male company, the LAST place I would go to is online dating!

Never mind 'not that desperate yet:' I would NEVER be that desperate.

Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep · 04/12/2021 19:09

I think it really depends on the nature of the friendship and the tone in which it was said. I can imagine two scenarios where friend 2 was incredibly offensive in one and teasingly inoffensive in the other.

And for what it's worth OLD was great fun and worked out very well for me, so mostly I just think friend 2 could be missing out

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/12/2021 19:10

Friend 2 did basically say friend 1 was desperate so I can see why they may have been offended. On the other hand friend 2 has got a point and it isn't something that would offend me

FissionMailed · 04/12/2021 19:11

That's one of those comments you'd have to be really nitpicky to get offended by.

The correct.response would be a more jovial,
"You calling me desperate?"

dustandfluf · 04/12/2021 19:17

I met my husband online. Know lots of people around my age group (early to mid 30's) who met this way as well. I wouldn't take offence at the comment but I know lots of judgy wankers who think it is desperate.

I find some of the comments on this thread far more offensive than your friends comment.

Whatinthelord · 04/12/2021 19:17

I think the reference to be “desperate” is insulting, as obviously the inference is that friend 1 must have been desperate to use the dating site.

Much better comments to make like “no I want to meet someone face to face” or “no that’s not for me” - would have got her point across with other being a backhanded comment about friend 1

I could imagine someone doing it unintentionally though, like if they’re a bit of a blunt person.

SickAndTiredAgain · 04/12/2021 19:21

Hard to say without the tone, and also the general relationship between the two.

But I think it sounds like a judgemental comment but not one I’d be offended by, and given how many people use OLD I’m not sure it’s seen as desperate any more is it? Maybe it’s an age thing, how old is friend 2? I know several married couples (DH and me included) who met on dating apps. It doesn’t seem that uncommon.

FreedomFaith · 04/12/2021 19:23

It's an insult to friend 1, likely unintentionally. Well I'd hope it was at least.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 04/12/2021 19:29

@dustandfluf

I met my husband online. Know lots of people around my age group (early to mid 30's) who met this way as well. I wouldn't take offence at the comment but I know lots of judgy wankers who think it is desperate.

I find some of the comments on this thread far more offensive than your friends comment.

This in spades Hmm How else do people meet, if you don't meet people at work, and don't want to trawl round all the bars etc. There's some really judgemental comments on here. It's a little naive, and simplistic to think that the only 'true' relationships happened when their eyes met across a crowded room Hmm
IncompleteSenten · 04/12/2021 19:30

That's a real foot in mouth situation.
There's no way it didn't come across like saying friend was desperate.

Elsiebear90 · 04/12/2021 19:31

Well yeah I think it’s implying that friend 1 and anyone else who uses online dating is desperate, which is pretty rude tbh and a bit odd considering it’s a very common way to meet people nowadays. I met my fiancée online 6 years ago, so I would be offended if someone said that to me, but I’m glad I found someone online rather than still being alone and judging the way other people meet their partners like they’re doing. I would just let them crack on and not make a big deal out of it, whatever makes people happy.

LawnFever · 04/12/2021 19:36

Friend 2 was rude, and also hugely out of touch!

Absolutely loads of people I know met their long term partners online, it’s no more ‘desperate’ than thinking you’d meet someone drunk in a pub/club and nobody seems to consider that ‘desperate’.

Ezydoesit · 04/12/2021 19:39

Online dating is just a means of meeting likeminded people. Yes, you have to pick through a lot of non-contenders, but not everyone using it is desperate.

I know a few people who think of it as the only option for desperate people but these people generally know very little about it, never mind had firsthand experience of it.

I think Friend 2 made the comment out of ignorance rather than inference of Friend 1 being desperate back in the day.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 04/12/2021 19:42

Jeezo, I would most certainly never be desperate enough for OLD. Advertising myself like goods on gumtree? No thanks!

girlmom21 · 04/12/2021 19:50

I doubt friend 2 meant it the way it's been taken.

G5000 · 04/12/2021 19:52

Everybody uses OLD nowadays, it has not been only for un-dateable weirdos for decades.

Shedmistress · 04/12/2021 19:52

I'm sitting on the sofa next to my OH of 18 years who I met on OLD.

Nothing desperate about it.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 04/12/2021 19:55

@Shedmistress

I'm sitting on the sofa next to my OH of 18 years who I met on OLD.

Nothing desperate about it.

In that case you haven’t had to do OLD recently! It’s very much changed in the last 18 years!
wolfmom · 04/12/2021 19:57

OLD not for me (I met my current partner at comic con) I do know a few who have found 'the one' through OLD though

RedRobyn2021 · 04/12/2021 20:01

@dustandfluf

I met my husband online. Know lots of people around my age group (early to mid 30's) who met this way as well. I wouldn't take offence at the comment but I know lots of judgy wankers who think it is desperate.

I find some of the comments on this thread far more offensive than your friends comment.

I totally agree.

I'm 30 and actually met my partner through a friend, but how anyone could actually think it's desperate to try to find a partner online.. well it's ridiculous. People are really showing their age in the comments.

I mean this is how the majority of people meet now.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 04/12/2021 20:03

People are really showing their age in the comments.

What age would that be?