Page 3 | What’s your verdict on this comment?

TheRigatonini · 2021-12-04T19:00:19+00:00

Two friends discussing dating, finding a LTR / life partner, etc. Friend 1: Describes using an OLD site a few years back, going on a few dates. Friend 2: I think I’m not that desperate yet. YANBU - totally normal, innocuous comment YABU - friend 1 might be offended by comment

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/12/2021 22:28

But youre not realising, you can't meet people at bars and pubs anymore

This is out of genuine interest… why not?

Wrongkindofovercoat · 04/12/2021 22:35

I know of at least 4 couples who met through OLD who are happily married now.

crystal1717 · 04/12/2021 22:36

1)People stay in the groups they came in.

2)Men do not approach women, it's no longer allowed. Ask anyone. Everyone I meet - friends / workmates, or on OLD, lament the loss of it. Like a culture that was fun, that is now lost.

3)On the rare occasion women approach men the men will not take it as sexual and insist (legitimately defensively) on remaining civil. Insist on keeping it to 'Would you say that to a fellow man.' However sexy etc. the woman looks this is still the response. The man has too much to lose by being flirty (inappropriate). It never goes anywhere.

Ditto at work.
Ditto at parties.
Ditto anywhere.

OLD is the only way. Unfortunately.

DickMabutt73962 · 04/12/2021 22:38

Men do not approach women, it's no longer allowed. Ask anyone. Everyone I meet - friends / workmates, or on OLD, lament the loss of it. Like a culture that was fun, that is now lost

This is absolute bullshit

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/12/2021 22:41

@crystal1717

1)People stay in the groups they came in.

2)Men do not approach women, it's no longer allowed. Ask anyone. Everyone I meet - friends / workmates, or on OLD, lament the loss of it. Like a culture that was fun, that is now lost.

3)On the rare occasion women approach men the men will not take it as sexual and insist (legitimately defensively) on remaining civil. Insist on keeping it to 'Would you say that to a fellow man.' However sexy etc. the woman looks this is still the response. The man has too much to lose by being flirty (inappropriate). It never goes anywhere.

Ditto at work.
Ditto at parties.
Ditto anywhere.

OLD is the only way. Unfortunately.

I think I agree that this is bollocks. I am married, but when I go to bars and clubs and parties men absolutely do approach women. I am still approached, despite being married. As are my friends. I see men and women flirting, jusy like they always did.

eatthepineapple · 04/12/2021 22:44

DH and I met online. I had only been on the site a week! I'd been on another site though for about a month and had a couple of dates off that though (nice guys, nothing dodgy at all, just not my cup of tea), but yes it was v successful for me!

I'm early/mid 30s and it's def normal in my circle of friends to meet on OLD. If you don't/can't meet someone at work and move to a new town like I did with no time for hobbies then how else do you do it?! Not desperate but I was interested to meet someone and was successful. No shame in that!

eatthepineapple · 04/12/2021 22:46

That being said the comment from
Friend 2 is exactly the sort of thing I say without meaning anything by it. I just always say stupid stuff that I know comes out wrong but don't realise til it's too late: not necessarily something to be upset by even though I can see why it's a bit judge

Summerdayshaze · 04/12/2021 22:46

Every now and then I join online dating sites and ALWAYS delete them within 24 hours because it’s so utterly awful. And yes, it is out of desperation and a pang of loneliness. Totally admit it.

FissionMailed · 04/12/2021 22:47

@crystal1717

1)People stay in the groups they came in.

2)Men do not approach women, it's no longer allowed. Ask anyone. Everyone I meet - friends / workmates, or on OLD, lament the loss of it. Like a culture that was fun, that is now lost.

3)On the rare occasion women approach men the men will not take it as sexual and insist (legitimately defensively) on remaining civil. Insist on keeping it to 'Would you say that to a fellow man.' However sexy etc. the woman looks this is still the response. The man has too much to lose by being flirty (inappropriate). It never goes anywhere.

Ditto at work.
Ditto at parties.
Ditto anywhere.

OLD is the only way. Unfortunately.

Bollocks...

Sounds like something a bitter bollock owner would type.

crystal1717 · 04/12/2021 22:59

Ffs im a woman. Natural born woman. I just liked being approached, I liked flirting.
Like fuck it still exists!
Bring on the 'past-it' crap all you like, but I know young women have the same experience.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/12/2021 23:00

@crystal1717

Ffs im a woman. Natural born woman. I just liked being approached, I liked flirting. Like fuck it still exists! Bring on the 'past-it' crap all you like, but I know young women have the same experience.

And I’m saying it’s not my experience, at all. No ‘past it’ comments from me, I have no idea how old you are 🤷🏻‍♀️. It’s just not my experience. Maybe area dependent.

NumberTheory · 04/12/2021 23:06

I think it's a totally normal comment but friend 1 might be a bit insulted anyway if she's a bit of a drama lama.

It's always a bit tactless to diss something that the person you are talking to has done. But it's also narcissistic to assume that when someone is talking about a negative feeling they have for themselves doing something they are also judging everyone else who has ever done it in the same way.

With something like OLD with its partially deserved mythos of awful interactions and sleazy guys, it's hardly unreasonable for someone not to be totally sold on the idea just because their friend liked it.

EmpressCixi · 04/12/2021 23:29

@crystal1717

But youre not realising, you can't meet people at bars and pubs anymore. Even before covid.

Bet the anti-OLD pp on here havent realised.
Maybe they never go to bars or clubs or pubs?
When is the last time anyine had a house party you could pull at. Closest you get to house parties is smug marrieds dinner parties.

Even the young (18-23yo) don't pull at pubs / clubs / bars (It's been outlawed)

Where are you?

My DD20 recently “pulled” out clubbing as did two of the four other girlfriends she went out with. One actually was caught having sex in the toilets and was kicked out of the club.

She’s also been to numerous house parties and hooked up as well....

We talk often :)

LawnFever · 04/12/2021 23:31

[quote EmpressCixi]@LawnFever
What about Instafuck?

OLD is a spectrum......between these one night stand sites and the other long term dating ones like eharmony, or mastermatchmakers.[/quote]
Well yeah, obviously…

One night stand sites aren’t for dating, you’re clearly not going to get anyone looking to settle down if you join up to a site for hook ups, they’re two different things.

EmpressCixi · 04/12/2021 23:31

@crystal1717

1)People stay in the groups they came in.

2)Men do not approach women, it's no longer allowed. Ask anyone. Everyone I meet - friends / workmates, or on OLD, lament the loss of it. Like a culture that was fun, that is now lost.

3)On the rare occasion women approach men the men will not take it as sexual and insist (legitimately defensively) on remaining civil. Insist on keeping it to 'Would you say that to a fellow man.' However sexy etc. the woman looks this is still the response. The man has too much to lose by being flirty (inappropriate). It never goes anywhere.

Ditto at work.
Ditto at parties.
Ditto anywhere.

OLD is the only way. Unfortunately.

I think you’ve simply aged out of it. The 18-22yos I know are still doing this. They think OLD is for old “Millenials”

RealBecca · 04/12/2021 23:39

Innocent. Analagous to deciding not to use contraception amd let whatever happens happen compared to trying to conceive.

ellyeth · 04/12/2021 23:50

It was probably the sort of thing a person might say without really thinking that it might be taken seriously - and by saying "not that desperate YET" also suggests that the person means it lightheartedly. Adding the "yet" is important. That's my take on it anyway.

My response would have been to laugh and say "thanks for that!"

Grendalsmum · 05/12/2021 11:11

My kids are still pulling in clubs! They didn't get the memo.

OLD works for some, my brother met his wife online and she's lovely - they are both outdoorsy bird-watching types so god knows how they'd have ever hooked up with anyone otherwise as they spend all their spare time lurking in bushes with binoculars ...

Another friend met her partner on an OLD, it just wasn't with him! She had a long string of things she didn't want - tattoos, manual job etc and she went on a date with a bloke who fitted the bill but got totally legless and vanished half way through the evening. As her taxi wasn't booked for a couple of hours she stayed and watched the band, got chatting to a nice chap and that was that! (He's a blacksmith, lots of tattoos ...)