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AIBU?

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Original poster

What’s your verdict on this comment?

68 replies

TheRigatonini · 04/12/2021 19:00

Two friends discussing dating, finding a LTR / life partner, etc.

Friend 1: Describes using an OLD site a few years back, going on a few dates.

Friend 2: I think I’m not that desperate yet.

YANBU - totally normal, innocuous comment
YABU - friend 1 might be offended by comment

OP posts:
fabricfanatic · 04/12/2021 20:05

Met DH online, but not through an OLD site. We were in a group discussing other things, got to know one another and started chatting separately from the rest, and it went from there. Married 20 years, now.

I do believe it's not easy to find the right person through OLD, but that's true for face-to-face dating, too. I'd think it was a foot-in-mouth moment, made worse by the attitude some have that there must be something wrong with you if you met your partner online. Hmm

As a PP said, how else are you meant to meet someone, if you don't happen to find someone at work, church/temple/etc., uni, or wherever else? It would be stupid for me to go to a pub or club looking for a partner, because that's not "me", and presumably the men I'd meet there would enjoy going out for drinks regularly. OLD isn't less valid a form of dating, despite its problems.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 04/12/2021 20:08

For those who have had good recent experience with OLD- what sites do you recommend?

TheSnowyOwl · 04/12/2021 20:11

I think that it isn’t the sort of thing to cause offence amongst friends.

evelynhugo · 04/12/2021 20:11

Friend 2 is totally out of touch (seriously how old are they?), OLD is totally normal. It was also a bitchy comment.

IgneousRock · 04/12/2021 20:12

It's the kind of thing Friend 2 would say just with themselves in mind, not meaning anything about Friend 1. Silly to get offended.

crystal1717 · 04/12/2021 20:13

Is there any other way nowadays?

Summerfun54321 · 04/12/2021 20:16

I wouldn’t take offence, I’d feel sorry for them for being so closed minded.

Summerfun54321 · 04/12/2021 20:22

I did 3 online dates, all guys were great and I married one of them. My friend on the other hand was primarily looking for someone “cool” online and selected everyone based primarily on looks. Needless to say she had a string of shit dates, slated online dating and eventually settled with another friend’s ex. I don’t think the method of dating is necessarily the problem, more the type of men you choose to date.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2021 21:11

It must be an age thing maybe, as at mine, 46, and my lifestyle, OLD is the only possible way I would meet anyone. I guess if you're younger with no kids you could still meet at bars/clubs/hobbies but that's not really possible for me. So, OLD it is. And it's absolutely normal. There are, obviously, the same weirdos on there (and the same nice ones) as there are in normal life. Cos, it's everyone who wants to date.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 04/12/2021 21:16

As well as the offensive comments about online dating, there are some bloody ageist comments on here too!
I’m 37. Met my DH 12 years ago. OLD was nowhere near as common place then as it is now. So it’s quite possible to not be aware of how mainstream online dating now is, and also to not be ancient 😂.
Anyway… yes it was a mildly offensive comment but one that would usually be laughed off between friends.

funinthesun19 · 04/12/2021 21:23

I agree with friend 2.

I would have to be very very desperate to meet someone to use OLD.

That doesn’t mean other people are desperate, as OLD may be their go to thing to find a date. It’s very convenient and I see the reason why it exists. It’s just not for me and if only ever use it if I became… desperate.

lljkk · 04/12/2021 21:25

omg, why so serious?
Why take it so seriously.

Everyone using OLD has pretty much exhausted other avenues.

KateInHappyland · 04/12/2021 21:40

I wouldn't do OLD either, I don't like the idea. However, that's just a personal preference and I wouldn't go around calling people who use it 'desperate'! I can see how that comment would have upset Friend 1.
Friend 2 is BU.

Legomania · 04/12/2021 21:45

It was a pretty tactless comment!
I'd also wonder where my friend had been for the last decade.
(In fact, I did get these comments when I met DH online and at 27 and living in Central London did not consider that I had exhausted other avenues. )

SickAndTiredAgain · 04/12/2021 21:55

@lljkk

omg, why so serious? Why take it so seriously.

Everyone using OLD has pretty much exhausted other avenues.

How is it even possible to exhaust every other option? They can’t have already dated every single person they might meet in a pub/bar, for example, and are now thinking “well, that’s the meeting in a pub possibility out the window, what next” Plus my single friends that use dating apps will also maybe go on a date with someone they meet at a party, or at a bar, or through a friend. It’s not like you have to pick one way of meeting someone at a time and stick to it.
EmpressCixi · 04/12/2021 21:59

Depends on the OLD site discussed? Like if it’s OneNightFriend....that’s desperate.

LawnFever · 04/12/2021 22:14

I’ll take a bet that anyone who thinks OLD is desperate has been married/in a relationship forever or met their partner really easily, it’s a perfectly normal way to meet someone.

LawnFever · 04/12/2021 22:15

@EmpressCixi

Depends on the OLD site discussed? Like if it’s OneNightFriend....that’s desperate.
I don’t think that site is for dating Grin
LawnFever · 04/12/2021 22:16

@lljkk

omg, why so serious? Why take it so seriously.

Everyone using OLD has pretty much exhausted other avenues.

Not everyone has a huge circle of friends where they might meet someone new, having exhausted their own avenues doesn’t mean it’s desperate.
Overreactingmom · 04/12/2021 22:19

Met my husband on tinder 7 years ago Smile though wouldn’t be offended by the comment.

theriverrunsthrough · 04/12/2021 22:19

On line dating is dire. I think it really has changed the face of dating.Its a sweet shop for men to pick what they 'consider' desperate women up.

My bill always has about 3/4 women on the go through them.

EmpressCixi · 04/12/2021 22:20

@LawnFever
What about Instafuck?

OLD is a spectrum......between these one night stand sites and the other long term dating ones like eharmony, or mastermatchmakers.

TheCategoryIs · 04/12/2021 22:23

OLD is a practical way to meet people. Especially in the new world where we seem to interact less so may have fewer casual acquaintances and serendipitous meetings. The fact people can be dicks when OLD is a separate issue imo, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and I know several couples who met this way. They were not desperate, just interested in speeding up meeting someone.

greenlynx · 04/12/2021 22:24

I haven’t got personal experience with OLD but the comment was a bit rude imo. Friend 2 basically said that Friend 1 was desperate to meet somebody and said in a negative way. There was no need for this.

crystal1717 · 04/12/2021 22:27

But youre not realising, you can't meet people at bars and pubs anymore. Even before covid.

Bet the anti-OLD pp on here havent realised.
Maybe they never go to bars or clubs or pubs?
When is the last time anyine had a house party you could pull at. Closest you get to house parties is smug marrieds dinner parties.

Even the young (18-23yo) don't pull at pubs / clubs / bars (It's been outlawed)