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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selling your home to pay for your care in your old age

462 replies

BlueCarnation · 04/12/2021 14:47

Please explain why this is such an issue? I’m not from the UK but have worked and lived here for about 10 years. The amount of financial help the government provides is incredible and I’m still amazed by it after being here for so long. NHS, schools, SMP, different types of benefits, child credits etc. My country provides absolute no help like that for it’s residents.

One thing I can’t get my head around is the outrage people feel regarding paying for your own care when you’re older. A few weeks ago there was a news special where people were upset that their parents had to sell their homes to go into care. Surely that’s the point of years of hard work - so that when the time comes you have sufficient money? If I recall correctly, a woman said she would no longer be able to live in her mums house and would be homeless. Her mum was already in a care home but needed extra specialised care ( I think she had dementia) which government support was not enough for. The daughter said the house would need to be sold and her mum would have been devastated if she knew her home was being used to pay for her care. Why is that wrong or unfair?

Can you explain if you cannot live safely in your house anymore why shouldn’t the proceeds from your house sale be used to care for you until death? Why are adult children so up in arms at the thought of that? I don’t understand.

OP posts:
Bagamoyo1 · 04/12/2021 15:26

The people saying it isn’t fair, that someone can scrimp and save all their lives to pay for their house, so it shouldn’t be taking off them.....what about their descendants, who might be lazy feckless lumps who never worked a day in their life, and certainly didn’t “scrimp and save” - they then inherit, and when they get old and need care, what happens then? Are they entitled to keep their house, even though they did bugger all to earn it?

Isseywith3witchycats · 04/12/2021 15:26

My MIl when her husband died he left in place her being comfortable in her old age and then she got dementia and the care home she was in wiped out £270000 of the £300000 she had in assets in just two years so the ones who gained from their careful use of money went straight to the care home, if they hadnt been careful this would have cost them almost nothing so no the system isnt always fair

BorgQueen · 04/12/2021 15:27

Just to put one common myth to bed - if your spouse needs a care home, your home’s value is disregarded, as is half their personal (not state) pension pot.
You will not have to sell your home or have a charging order put on it to fund your spouse’s care.

Bagamoyo1 · 04/12/2021 15:29

@Isseywith3witchycats

My MIl when her husband died he left in place her being comfortable in her old age and then she got dementia and the care home she was in wiped out £270000 of the £300000 she had in assets in just two years so the ones who gained from their careful use of money went straight to the care home, if they hadnt been careful this would have cost them almost nothing so no the system isnt always fair
Well the option is always there to spend all your money while you’re young and then let the state take over when you need care. It’s not compulsory to live frugally.
Starcup · 04/12/2021 15:29

@Chely

Many sign their houses over to their children to avoid this. Work hard and pay taxes for most of your life then have to sell your assets to pay for care. A person who paid little to nothing gets the same care free of charge because they have no assets.
This. I’ve got a close family member that has only worked about 10 years out of 35 years. Left school at 15, now 51.

They are work shy, lazy, idle so and so’s. Doesn’t want to work, never has, so has been on the ‘dole’ most of their lives.

Their partner works for themselves and does work hard, but fiddles they system and makes out they get a minimum income, in order to get maximum UC/tax credits etc… which facilitates idle arse to stay at home.

They rent because on paper they can’t afford a mortgage, though if they were honest then they probably could get some kind of mortgage, though clearly they aren’t bothered.

They’ll get everything paid and have nothing left to help their children.

I went to uni, got a decent job and mortgage and work hard to provide for my children. In an ideal world I won’t need care and they’ll get my house, though obviously that’s circumstantial.

Not everyone that doesn’t have money is lazy and work shy of course, but let’s not pretend that they’re are no work shy people out there!

Comedycook · 04/12/2021 15:29

I bought my house, I paid tax on my wages so why should my asset not be used for my kids?

Well why should it be used for your kids? Why should you live absolutely free in a care home, with no bills to pay, all food provided free, so your house can sit empty and then go to your children?

toconclude · 04/12/2021 15:29

@Chely

Many sign their houses over to their children to avoid this. Work hard and pay taxes for most of your life then have to sell your assets to pay for care. A person who paid little to nothing gets the same care free of charge because they have no assets.
NO, they don't get free care. They get subsidised care. They have to pay all capital over around 23k and all income save about 30 quid a week pocket money. I do wish people would stop trotting out this line.
MrsLarry · 04/12/2021 15:30

Why?

Because some of us work our backsides off to afford to buy our own home.. Some of us do this as single parents whilst making massive sacrifices. We would like to be able to pass everything we've worked for onto our children.

Some people never work and get their housing paid their whole life as well as being given money to live on paod for out of taxes paid for by those who work. They end up in the same care home as the aforementioned person but don't have to pay a penny.

Is it clear?

CallmeHendricks · 04/12/2021 15:31

I agree with you, OP.
When people first start out and buy, say, a flat, they will sell that to finance a larger place as their family grows and their needs change.
So what's the difference at the other end of your life? If your current home doesn't meet your needs, you sell it to fund something that does.

MrsLarry · 04/12/2021 15:31

@Comedycook

I bought my house, I paid tax on my wages so why should my asset not be used for my kids?

Well why should it be used for your kids? Why should you live absolutely free in a care home, with no bills to pay, all food provided free, so your house can sit empty and then go to your children?

Because the person next door who's never worked lives for free in the same care home. Ffs
RandomMess · 04/12/2021 15:31

Money gets you into a better/nicer care home!

toconclude · 04/12/2021 15:32

Also they don't get the same care unless you as a private payer choose the cheapest care home.
People who don't have savings have often worked bloody hard fyi.
Totally happy to pay for my own care as was my late mum and mil.

GotToGoBye · 04/12/2021 15:32

The adult children are up in arms as they want to inherit the money.
The people involved often stored that money over years and in the end find it hard to part with/want to pass it to loves ones.
I completely agree with you OP but also it is a bit of a “lottery” in some ways. A person could drop dead and have no care needs or they could spend decades needing very expensive care.

Original poster
BlueCarnation · 04/12/2021 15:33

@PinkiOcelot

Could be because some people don’t work a day in their lives therefore when they need care they get it free (benefits takes - £30 a week currently) whereas someone who has worked all their lives, struggled to pay their mortgage etc, paid their taxes has to sell their hard earned home to pay for care. Don’t see what is so hard to understand about that Unless of course you were being obtuse pretending not to know!!
Thank you I must be obtuse then as it is hard for me to understand.
OP posts:
Starcup · 04/12/2021 15:33

@PinkiOcelot

Could be because some people don’t work a day in their lives therefore when they need care they get it free (benefits takes - £30 a week currently) whereas someone who has worked all their lives, struggled to pay their mortgage etc, paid their taxes has to sell their hard earned home to pay for care. Don’t see what is so hard to understand about that Unless of course you were being obtuse pretending not to know!!
This
Comedycook · 04/12/2021 15:33

Because the person next door who's never worked lives for free in the same care home

It's like a lot of things though. If you have money, you pay for it. It might seem unfair but why should the tax payer pay for someone when that person has the means to pay for it?

toconclude · 04/12/2021 15:33

@MrsLarry

Why?

Because some of us work our backsides off to afford to buy our own home.. Some of us do this as single parents whilst making massive sacrifices. We would like to be able to pass everything we've worked for onto our children.

Some people never work and get their housing paid their whole life as well as being given money to live on paod for out of taxes paid for by those who work. They end up in the same care home as the aforementioned person but don't have to pay a penny.

Is it clear?

Clear enough what you think. Factually incorrect though.
Bagamoyo1 · 04/12/2021 15:34

There are care homes and there are care homes. Personally if the sale of my house gets me in a nice private home , rather than the grim state funded one down the road, then I’ll consider it a good investment.
Of course not all private homes are good and not all state ones are grotty, but my extensive experience of visiting care homes leads me to think it’s a fairly common situation .

Oldraver · 04/12/2021 15:35

Well the Welfare State was sold as looking after you from cradle till grave funded by NI and tax, so those in betweeners ie those who are not dependent on benefits or rich enough for it not to be an issue get a bit irate at having to sell their homes when they thought they would be looked after

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 04/12/2021 15:35

Yes inheritance is the obvious reason but the news special and the people who were interviewed made it seem like it was such a travesty I thought I was missing something else.

I completely agree with you but no-one is going to go on tv to say they don't think it's fair that their inheritance is going on care home fees!

My MIL has dementia and is in a lovely (but expensive) care home. Her savings are paying for it and when they run out money from her home will fund it. And that's how I think it should be, savings etc are for a rainy day and old age tends to become a thunderstorm.

I think all the 'well I've paid in all my life' comments are bollocks. MIL pays £1200 a week and that plus all the medical care she has received over the years would not have been covered by the taxes she has paid over the years even if she'd worked for probably centuries. Very very few people actually cover the amount they get in medical care during their lifetime with the taxes they pay.

MrsLarry · 04/12/2021 15:35

@Comedycook

Because the person next door who's never worked lives for free in the same care home

It's like a lot of things though. If you have money, you pay for it. It might seem unfair but why should the tax payer pay for someone when that person has the means to pay for it?

So why should the taxpayer pay for the lazy workshy bunch who refuse to work?
Comedycook · 04/12/2021 15:35

Cannot bear the "I've worked hard all my life and paid my taxes" brigade. You worked because you needed money...it's not a huge moral sacrifice. You paid taxes because it's illegal not to and in most cases, it's deducted before we even get our wages. That's life...

Starcup · 04/12/2021 15:36

@Comedycook

I bought my house, I paid tax on my wages so why should my asset not be used for my kids?

Well why should it be used for your kids? Why should you live absolutely free in a care home, with no bills to pay, all food provided free, so your house can sit empty and then go to your children?

Because it’s an aim, it’s a purpose to work hard to then be able to leave your children something. If that purpose doesn’t exist and you’re forced to pay for everything then the incentive won’t be there to buy a house. People will just blow their money and rent so they government will have to pay for sure.
AndreaC67 · 04/12/2021 15:37

@Comedycook

I completely agree with you.

The thing is no one is entitled to an inheritance...why should the government (ie the tax payer) fund the care costs for people who own a substantial asset, in order to protect their children's inheritance? I find it outrageous

Why should care in old age be treated (funded) any differently than say cancer treatment in a much younger person?

A friend of mine recently died of cancer, he underwent treatment for about 18months, in his 50s, should the house be sold to recoup this and if no, why?

There is an argument for taxing the unearned increase in the property value someone may have acquired but care for the elderly should be free.

We are a very rich country, spending billions on nuclear weapons and HS trains, we give millions substantial tax relief on their pensions, 40% for the wealthy, why isn't this charged back on their house when they die?

Comedycook · 04/12/2021 15:38

it’s a purpose to work hard to then be able to leave your children something. If that purpose doesn’t exist and you’re forced to pay for everything then the incentive won’t be there to buy a house

I bought a house because I needed somewhere to live