After 45/50 years old - financial security when I see other marriages failing

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This is why I would never be a SAHM. I wouldn't want to gamble mine and my children's lifelong security on my husband's fidelity.

Plenty of people will tip up to say their husband would never cheat and in many cases probably right. But statistically many of these marriages will fail. It's playing financial Russian Roulette to hand so much financial power to someone else.

If you want to be a SAHM with all that said you have to get married as this will give you some protection.

But by far the simplest and most important thing to do is to start out determined not to rely on another person's income and goodwill.

I'm so grateful to have always worked FT, now that I'm late 40s.
I look at my sister who, granted, has always worked - but PT. Her DH is a diamond, but she still hides purchases from him and relies on his wage to pay the bills.
Then I look at her friends who became SAHMs and are now divorcing. They have no assets, their husbands have squirrelled all the savings away somewhere secret and they are having to battle for every penny, and will simply never have the lifestyle they became accustomed to again.
And then there are the unmarried couples, now splitting up. These women have seen their funds drop by around 90% in some cases.

I may not have the great big house, or the Chelsea tractor but what I do have is mine. And, where these women (mostly all intelligent, graduates and postgrads) are now applying for admin jobs paying less than £20k, just as I'm entering the peak of my career and earning potential. Makes me wonder at my younger self, envious of their leisurely lifestyles.

Previous posters are incorrect. ONLY marry if you are the LOWER earner and have no assets.

Yes! Don't marry if you have the assets!

If you want to be a SAHP, pay your NI credits. a separate pension out of household income & make sure you have access to income, savings etc.

So many people saying don't be a SAHM but then women seem to be scorned at for wanting careers like men and using childcare to bring up the kids
Scorn is not going to harm you or protect you.
Stuff other people's opinions. Look after your own corner.

So many people saying don't be a SAHM but then women seem to be scorned at for wanting careers like men and using childcare to bring up the kids.

Screw other people's scorn. Protecting yourself and your own children financially is more important than a few busybodies with outdated views.

What surprises me most about this thread is you are saying you know lots of women in their 40s/50’s who are SAHM.
I’m in my 60’s and don’t have any friends/family members who haven’t worked after children. Even my mums generation who are now in their 80s /90’s worked at least part time.
I assume this is because they have very high earnings partners so shouldn’t be so much of a problem in the case of a split?

It’s irrelevant if both names are on property deeds in a long marriage - assets are always seen as joint BUT, it wouldn’t stop financial abuse such as the registered owner securing debts against the house.
A spouse not on the deeds can register a right of occupation/matrimonial rights with the land registry.

Get married.

Make sure you have the funds/savings for a divorce solicitor.

I was a SAHM looking after 3 dc and then went back to work, but ex had his name on almost all assets. Without my Dad’s financial and emotional help I would not have been able to withstand the horrible marathon that my divorce was. 18 months from when my relationship completely broke down (after many years of being dysfunctional and emotionally abusive), to when ex finally moved out.

And now I am free .

Don't be a SAHM, is the brutal truth to this one. If you have been financially dependent on someone else for decades, yeah you are going to be fucked if he declines to pay for you further. If you must do it, make sure you get NI credits towards state pension (although I believe you only get these from Child benefit until your youngest is 12), save into a private pension, and hold some assets in your name. But mostly don't do it. And if you must do it, start preparing to cover yourself financially the day you do it, not later.

Don’t be a SAHM and you won’t have this problem. It’s really not rocket science in 21st century for women to know that being financially independent is crucial. And being a SAHM is in no way the same as being in the workplace when it comes to long term life prospects.

It isn't just about SAHMs. If you work but earn a lot less than your partner, you'll still have to make a lot of adjustments. It'll certainly be easier, though.

Apart from not being a SAHM in the first place, pay into your own pension fund, even if it's only a little bit of money.

Always view the money as 'ours', not his. I obviously don't have a crystal ball in terms of my marriage, but I know for a fact my husband wouldn't expect to walk away with his full pension etc - because I've always been very clear that the decisions we've made regarding my career have 100% enabled his career to flourish. He doesn't talk about 'his' money ever, it's 'ours'. I know that's no guarantee, but I think it's a reasonable predictor of future behaviour.

Become the financial controller. Know where the money is and how to get to it. A lot of men hide assets in divorce and get away with it because their wife doesn't actually know how much is in account A, account B, etc.

Think really carefully about your mortgage in slightly later life. What would happen if you had to sell everything tomorrow and divide it in half - would you be dividing profit or debt? I see a lot of ppl my age moving to massive houses with massive mortgages - I think if you can keep some assets liquid then that's easier to deal with.

How do women get themselves in these situations??

I was a SAHM for many years but financially independent and married.

Giving up work completely is a huge risk that I would never take.

If you insist upon being a SAHM:

• get married.
  
• everything in joint names
  
• ensure you have half any savings
  
• ensure your NI and pension contributions are made.

I was a SAHM for many years but financially independent and married.

Well regardless of sex not many people are financially independent without working. Plus people trust & believe in their partners. One of my friends went through a recent divorce, I've known her DH for years. I was shocked (& I think I'm a good judge of character) how bitter & selfish he became. He changed personality completely.