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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL buying lots of presents

73 replies

hoomama · 03/12/2021 11:33

My MIL spends about £250+ on each of my kids at Xmas. They are 4 & 18 months.

It doesn't actually bother me any more as it's nice for the girls to have lots of things but it is a bit excessive and also we definitely can't afford to spend that much. We spend maybe £50 on the youngest about about £100 on the eldest.

On Xmas day they wake up to about 3 sacks of presents off MIL and one from us. It feels little bit like she is trying to out-do us but I know it comes from a good place and that she's just excited.

How would you feel about being "out done" by someone else at Xmas?

OP posts:

NauseousNancy · 03/12/2021 11:35

My family go wild at Christmas. I don’t fight it, the kids are happy, they are happy, so what’s the point in arguing.

Pegasussnail · 03/12/2021 11:36

I don't know if there is much you can do without burning bridges. I would much prefer the money to be spent on a saving account for college or something for the future. Or a zoo pass or swimming lessons than mountains of stuff.

All you can do is get dh to (very gently and kindly) ask that she cuts things back or if spoils santa.

Pegasussnail · 03/12/2021 11:37

Or it

Sciurus83 · 03/12/2021 11:37

Ugh this would drive me nuts, so you have to find space for six sacks worth of presents in your house? Can't you put the money in their savings and have one sack, it's lovely she can afford to be generous and wants to spoil them but thats just too much stuff

Chocolatewheatos · 03/12/2021 11:40

It would do my head in. Not so much the money but the amount of stuff, I have to constantly tell our family that we don't have a lot of space and can't store a lot of stuff. Can you direct her towards more expensive but less sizeable gifts? Like days out and activities that she could be apart of?

Original poster

hoomama · 03/12/2021 11:47

I don't think I will bother saying anything as she is very, very good to us and she means well.

I was just having a general conversation with a lady at work who is a Grandmother and she looked horrified and said she would never try and spend more than the parents. It's exactly how I felt when MIL had out-done us on the first couple of christmases. After having my second child I don't really care but it is a bit OTT.

Vouchers for days out w

OP posts:

Original poster

hoomama · 03/12/2021 11:47

Vouchers for days out w

OP posts:

Original poster

hoomama · 03/12/2021 11:48

Sorry, don't know what I'm doing 😂😂. Vouchers for days out would be amazing.

The house gets full of stuff. A lot of it useful but also a lot of it pointless plastic toys that get played with once. I've given some away towards the end of this year!

OP posts:

Teacaketotty · 03/12/2021 11:49

Oh I absolutely sympathise, it’s a nightmare trying to find places for the mountain of stuff. I’ve given up telling people we don’t have the space, I’m not ashamed to say some of it gets sold on and we use the money for clubs etc or we donate.

I get what you are saying though, I would like the bulk of gifts to be from Santa/us.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/12/2021 11:55

Definitely say something and try and steer her towards days out vouchers/attraction passes, or better still, money in their savings/investment accounts.

If they have plenty of toys and most of the money is invested instead, it could buy them driving lessons and a car or provide a house deposit when they're young adults and be much more worthwhile than adding to a pile of toys that they're overwhelmed with or break or they outgrow in a few months or so.

SickAndTiredAgain · 03/12/2021 12:00

This would annoy me just due to the space it must take up. Toddler toys are often big. Experience presents are good, and if it’s something she’d want to do and you’d be happy with, she could always take the child to whatever it is so she can see their enjoyment of it (I know to some this could look like you’re after some free babysitting, but my PILs would love it as a present to DD to take her out somewhere fun and have a little day trip).

Franklyfrost · 03/12/2021 12:04

Ask for specific things you need- clothes, equipment etc. I’d be annoyed if I was given a load of useless plastic tat but practical stuff would be good. She can still go shopping and chose stuff but it could be wellies or a scooter or such like. Don’t worry about being outdone. Get something meaningful from yourself, if the kid grow up expecting more presents from grandma than from you that’s not a problem unless you teach them love= cash spent.

LagunaBubbles · 03/12/2021 12:04

Wouldn't be something that would bother me at all, I would just like the fact other people would buy for my kids as we don't have that.

MojoMoon · 03/12/2021 12:08

It's not a competition and your children will not love you less for spending less on them.

If she is buying lots of stuff that is going to waste, then that's not ideal (for the planet). Could you discuss with her about making payments into savings accounts for your children for half of that money? She can still see them enjoying opening gifts but then they'll also have a chunk of cash to enjoy when they are 18 (and perhaps she won't be there to see it but then they will think of her etc)

Christmas3143 · 03/12/2021 12:08

My issue would not be about being an outdone - although it would annoy me.

It would annoy me more about how much stuff we'd end up with in my small house. Without sounding ungrateful I don't want my parents to spend an excessive amount on dc on lots of stuff. I'd rather have quality over quantity! Mil gets this and buys one or two nice gifts each and maybe some money to go with it. However, my mum is a nightmare she buys so many little small fiddly, difficult to store things for dc just to make it look more. They aren't overly interested in it either and it ends up in landfill a year later or donate from charity! They much prefer what mil buys because it's often something they want. So kids don't often want piles and piles of stuff.

Your parents would be much better spending less and putting some into savings accounts!

NUFC69 · 03/12/2021 12:09

I'm a grandma and what we do with our GC is to buy a nice present for each, then we give them money for their bank/savings accounts. The children won't remember all the presents your MiL buys, but will be very appreciative if there is a nice sum for them as adults. Why don't you suggest this?

3cats4poniesandababy · 03/12/2021 12:12

So difficult because you know she means we'll and it is coming from a place of goodness.

Maybe ask DH to speak to her about either annual passes for days out or savings.

Sciurus83 · 03/12/2021 12:14

You'll end up on Stacey Solomon!

Missey85 · 03/12/2021 12:19

It wouldn't bother me I'm sure she just enjoys doing it and I'm sure they'll love the gifts

bez91 · 03/12/2021 12:19

My MIL is the same. She's the reason why we don't buy DD (4) much. I wouldn't mind but it's never stuff she plays with and is all cheap tat she's found on the internet which usually ends up in the bin or broken so it's not a case of out-doing us just taking up a lot of room in the house. This isn't limited the Christmas but each time she sees her.
DH has politely suggested things like pjs, slippers, a clock to help her tell the time etc but it all falls on deaf ears - she knows best.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 03/12/2021 12:23

Could be worse op.

Mine get socks and sweets from in laws and last year we got a box of foxes biscuits for the whole family.

Soon say something if we mention not bothering though cause it means they won't get anything

Dh got a pack of cheap grey door stops from Poundland one year

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2021 12:24

If she's open to the idea of experiences now they're older, ask.

Can you resell some of the stuff they dint play with and put the money aside for them.

I don't ask how much MIL spends and she doesn't ask us.

I'd think it odd if either of our Mom's checked how much we spent so they could d spend less.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2021 12:26

She's the reason why we don't buy DD (4) much. I wouldn't mind but it's never stuff she plays with and is all cheap tat she's found on the internet which usually ends up in the bin or broken so you don't buy much cos MIL buy lots but then MILs stuff ends up in the bin so your kids still don't end up with decent presents off either of you?

IncompleteSenten · 03/12/2021 12:28

I'd be chuffed I didn't have to spend the money. Look forward to the teen years when it's games consoles and £100 t-shirts.

simpledeer · 03/12/2021 12:30

Once your DC are old enough to properly notice the disparity they will be old enough to just say "Oh Granny has lots of money left over for presents for you." Or something like that.

I agree with PP about filling your house with tat though. Could you talk to her about that? Ask her if she has seen the Stacey Solomon programme Sort Your Life Out and say you don't want to end up like that!!

It sounds like she means well and is just excited to spoil her GC a little.

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