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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL buying lots of presents

73 replies

hoomama · 03/12/2021 11:33

My MIL spends about £250+ on each of my kids at Xmas. They are 4 & 18 months.

It doesn't actually bother me any more as it's nice for the girls to have lots of things but it is a bit excessive and also we definitely can't afford to spend that much. We spend maybe £50 on the youngest about about £100 on the eldest.

On Xmas day they wake up to about 3 sacks of presents off MIL and one from us. It feels little bit like she is trying to out-do us but I know it comes from a good place and that she's just excited.

How would you feel about being "out done" by someone else at Xmas?

OP posts:

ChooChooSan · 03/12/2021 15:25

My mil also made it plain people who pass on gifts to charity shops are a living disgrace. 🤷

AnxiousWeirdo · 03/12/2021 15:26

It wouldn't bother me that she bought more than us but if I had to find room for that much stuff I couldn't cope

ChooChooSan · 03/12/2021 15:28

Yes it's hard to manage bags full of stuff.

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 15:28

@hoomama

My MIL spends about £250+ on each of my kids at Xmas. They are 4 & 18 months.

On Xmas day they wake up to about 3 sacks of presents off MIL and one from us. It feels little bit like she is trying to out-do us but I know it comes from a good place and that she's just excited.

How would you feel about being "out done" by someone else at Xmas?

I have already spoken to mine and said please don't buy our son too much/ really big things. We honestly don't have the room! Just makes work for me throughout the year trying to keep on top of it all and keep things tidy. If one person gets one of those gigantic stupid teddy's which have zero point they will be keeping it in their own house for when we visit!

ChooChooSan · 03/12/2021 15:30

It's like hoarding by proxy.

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 15:31

@Sciurus83

You'll end up on Stacey Solomon!

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 15:33

@Play8063

If she's well meaning and excited, consider leaving it and just putting items you don't want in a "present box" to be re-gifted. My mum and grandma used this trick for years, saved money and didnt P anyone off.

I do this too, saves me a fortune and would rather regift than throw away

BarbaraofSeville · 03/12/2021 15:35

@ChooChooSan

It's like hoarding by proxy.

It is and it's not lovely and generous and not very nice at all.

The givers get to enjoy their love to shop and buy things, but don't have the downsides of the stress of the clutter, having to find space to keep things, plus the guilt about the waste and mental load of having to sort and distribute to charity/recycling/tip etc.

toomuchlaundry · 03/12/2021 15:37

@wtfisgoingonhere21 I'd actually like a tin of biscuits! I hate trying to find room for stuff that never gets used. Much better to have fewer toys that get used and a savings account or an annual pass to something (as long as it is somewhere you can get to easily)

timeforanewlife · 03/12/2021 15:39

My parents spend lots and it doesn't bother me. It is all from Santa anyway 😂

DPotter · 03/12/2021 15:44

I had to say something to my Mum and I know my Dsis did as well. Mum would buy a combination of absolute crap that (a purse with velcro band that went around the wrist that cost 50p was one that sticks out) and very expensive stuff that DD had no interest in, eg xbox. Mum had asked if DD was interested and was told no but she went ahead anyway. DD never played with it. Mum did eventually get better - with giving money or paying for classes, eg ballet classes but OMG it did get bad.

We wouldn't let DD open everything on Christmas morning - some presents were put to the side 'for Boxing Day' as it was totally overwhelming.

lastqueenofscotland · 03/12/2021 15:56

I’d maybe phrase it as your super grateful hut they get a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things. So how about a family ticket to legoland or something instead, with a big smile.

Youseethethingis · 03/12/2021 16:04

My MIL is the same and I hate it. It's a total over reach. She's not talking to is now though and didn't even stick a tenner in DS birthday card so at least we will be spared that nonsense this year.

lisaandalan · 03/12/2021 16:12

As long as my kids had lots of presents and had a wonderful time I would not care, you give them plenty of love and make lots of happy memories with them too.
My mother in law isn't bothered about mine and never popped in, even Christmas morning, even though she lives in the next street.

Thegreencup · 03/12/2021 16:18

My in laws were the same. Worse thing is DH and I are both from large families, so one present for each child from each family member adds up to a lot on Christmas day. Then the in laws could rock up with bags of ill thought out tat.

It does work to our advantage. We can get away with not buying as much and my parents now help contribute to larger presents like bikes, scooters etc now the kids are older. The in laws eventually got on board after DH read them the riot act about it. They tend to get the kids clothes now.

I know it makes me sound ungrateful. But I would prefer that my PIL kept their money because they don't have a lot rather than wasting it on things the kids don't need.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 03/12/2021 16:20

Keep as much as you can in the boxes. Use as bday presents for other children and space out the others ie hide asap. Only open 1 a day type thing...

JamMakingWannaBe · 03/12/2021 16:43

I would take it all home and stick it on eBay. Any sales into DC's saving accounts. More ££ if you can stop them ripping the original boxes.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2021 16:45

@timeforanewlife

My parents spend lots and it doesn't bother me. It is all from Santa anyway 😂

Great until they don't understand why Santa won't buy them the £700+ toy they want.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2021 16:48

They had seen that themselves, there was so much cajoling of them to open more and more they just weren't interested in. separate point but why do you cajole your kids into opening presents?

DappledThings · 03/12/2021 16:59

separate point but why do you cajole your kids into opening presents?
Because they were there, and we wanted PIL to enjoy seeing them open them but they just weren't interested after the first couple. So we did a bit of gentle cajoling them to keep going but it was pointless. That's why we got PIL to only get them one each so they would be excited about opening it and PIL could get the benefit of seeing them enjoying themselves rather than being cajoled!

BookFiend4Life · 03/12/2021 17:15

I set a limit. We have the only grandchild and grandparents and great grandparents would lose their minds if they could buy as much as they wanted. I just explained that we have a small house and that our daughter has a lot of people that love her and we just don't have room for everything. I have also told them that I want her to be excited to see them, not excited to see their presents and we don't want her to expect gifts everytime they visit. Everyone was very understanding!

Taoneusa · 03/12/2021 17:43

Buying gifts for small children is so fun, and arriving with a big sack is fun, the floor being covered in wrapping paper is jolly.

I always took 95% of it to the charity shop within a week or two.

gersteddybears · 03/12/2021 18:57

I'd feel similar in this situation. A bit miffed she's buying way more than us but then glad the kids are getting the presents that they wldnt get otherwise. Could u maybe get dh to suggest some stuff like a day out or an annual for for something.

My own mum is similar, she spends about £150 on my kids but she's a great bargain hunter so full price is prob more like £250. Last year we also went a bit over the top too and honestly my 3yr old was over whelmed. After opening all the presents from Santa she was a bit bored of it by time mum arrived with her sacks of gifts 🙈

Between family and us she must have got about £700 worth of gifts. It's just silly. I decided to scale back this yr because she gets so much from everyone else too, especially my mum. I've been picking stuff up in shops and putting it bk coz I'm thinking my mum will buy her loads of stuff like that lol.

I've actually just sold a few big toys to make way for the many more that are coming. I've made £70 so far 👍 plenty more to go 🙈😂

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