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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To remind people that the Sunflower Lanyard is for Hidden Disabilities, not a Mask Exemption excuse for anti-maskers.

161 replies

EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 10:52

Just wanted to remind people that the Sunflower Lanyard is there to let people know that the person wearing it has a hidden disability.

The scheme has been around longer than Covid, and buying one to wear purely because you don't WANT to wear a mask makes you a complete -insert offensive word here-

Thank you.

(obviously if you have a hidden disability/legitimate reason to be wearing one for mask exemption, i'm not talking about you)

OP posts:
ISpyCobraKai · 03/12/2021 18:50

Exactly lonelyapple
I don't wear a mask and occasionally forget my lanyard, I've only had one person be rude about it, but I do feel quite vulnerable given I'm 5 foot and under 8 stone.

If it bothers you, (generic) so much, then you stay in.
I did it for 18 months and it almost broke me, I'll now go wherever I please without a mask and I'm v happy for you to stay away from me, actually, I'd ask that you do.

SuziLikeSuziQ · 03/12/2021 19:10

@5zeds

Grin we must confuse the fuck out of people as ds can wear a mask but has used the sunflowersGrin.
Ditto! I can and do wear a mask but I have a hidden disability (well, if you look you can see my hearing aids, but people generally don't look).

I've found pretty much nobody looks at the attached card and speaks to me with any kind of deaf awareness. I suppose they've just come to ignore the lanyard as so many are wearing them these days and most have no problems communicating.

SuziLikeSuziQ · 03/12/2021 19:26

I suppose they've just come to ignore the lanyard as so many are wearing them these days and most have no problems communicating

I mean that I've heard quite a few people in my town showing them off so they don't have to wear a mask and they don't have any problem communicating. I do not mean those who genuinely wear the lanyards because of a disability and I know that many of those people also struggle with communicating. Sorry, it was a bad choice of words to try and make my point.

FurrFeather · 03/12/2021 19:53

great tip, OP.

I have ME/CFS. Its a hidden disability, I need to sit down alot, yada yada. And my condition does affect my breathing.

I'll wear it in future. Thank you.

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 20:12

Why does this matter? It's not like other people wearing lanyards takes anything away from other's? There's not a limited number of them available so it makes no difference to anyone else if someone is wearing one

icelolly12 · 03/12/2021 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 03/12/2021 20:48

I suspect the number of people actually buying a lanyard because they don't want to wear a mask is very, very low. Majority I have seen don't care enough and just rely on nobody challenging them.

AlfonsoTheUnrepentant · 03/12/2021 21:00

@icelolly12

Do people still wear sunflower lanyards and expect them to mean anything?
I wear a lanyard because I'm autistic. Not sure that I expect anything, though.
ISpyCobraKai · 03/12/2021 21:06

It's just less likely someone will question me for not wearing a mask.

sqirrelfriends · 03/12/2021 21:09

@Postdatedpandemic

The sunflower lanyard used to provide my autistic DS with easy access to community support. That has been removed by the blaggers.
This.

A sunflower lanyard used to indicate where a bit of extra kindness or patience might be needed. Now to a lot of people, the only thing they repose to is a person who doesn't want to follow the rules. Its not really fair is it?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 03/12/2021 21:11

Well I hope you haven't got any pipe dreams about confronting non mask wearers. Its classed as discrimination if you do which carries a hefty fine.

Postdatedpandemic · 03/12/2021 21:17

@Awwlookatmybabyspider shops have stopped asking people if they are really exempt as it led to a ten fold increase in staff be assaulted. Disabled people are being disadvantaged by unpleasantly aggressive mask objectors.
Most disabled people wish to get on with their lives as discretely as possible, but they do sometimes need to ask for help, the blaggers have eroded that lifeline.

BogRollBOGOF · 03/12/2021 21:19

The only diagnosis I have is Auditory Processing Disorder. DS was diagnosed with several neurodiverse conditions shortly before the lockdowns. It is highly likely that I'm neurodiverse and many adult women passed under the radar in childhood as conditions such as autism and ADHD were largely thought to be male conditions. People aren't born with handy labels and manuals and many struggle on for years without knowing they're "disabled" (same can apply to many physical conditions too, particularly auto-immune and fatigue conditions)

Muffle the speech, take away lip reading, add in a dose of birth trauma and it's distressing just being around masks.
Then add in a long history of hyperventilating on warm humid air, triggered perfectly by recycling my own breath which means that I struggle to make it down the first aisle in the supermarket before the overwhelm kicks in and I'm gasping away. Then there's the fear of judgement and confrontation as well because strangers just see a youngish healthy woman having the audacity to have a face in public and may decide that she's easy pickings for challenging.

I tried visors and ended up shredding my face in overwhelm as it got worse by the week. It took a lot of force of will to not retreat into aggrophobia last winter.
Restrictions have impacted my life and purpose heavily and many things that are important to me have often been some of the last bastions of normal to be returned, and the first to be revoked. To add in being scared to go into a shop or abstain is another heavy toll.

So in the spring, I got a lanyard so that I could try and live a bit more. I didn't want to tarnish the original purpose of the scheme as I can see the potential benefits for people like DS.

Am I anti-mask? Yes, how could I be pro-mask when the benefits for them in community use with unregulated products, and ridiculous settings like school playgrounds are pretty poor, and offset against the range of difficulties they trigger for often vulnerable people and the way they visibly push people into difficult positions then get dismissed with "it's not that hard" and told to basically imprison themselves at home. Regulated products in a more controlled environment such as healthcare are a different situation, but the value of facial contact is still important.

I'm just pathetically grateful at the nature of UK exemptions. If I'd gone to the GP seeking diagnoses in July 2020, I'd still be festering on a waiting list. Other countries effectively placing struggling people under house arrest is nothing to celebrate.

Wear a mask, don't wear a mask, just let people be and finally get on with life. Don't use it as a sanctimonious symbol of how "caring" you are. To many people they are anything other than a courtesy.

BogRollBOGOF · 03/12/2021 21:27

@icelolly12

Do people still wear sunflower lanyards and expect them to mean anything?
I'd hope that if DS melts down in a difficult public place, it would mean that people see him as a human that's struggling rather than a naughty brat that should know better at his age. He's not had one yet as he's not quite the age to do much independently and he's got us to guide him and vouch for him at present.
Gilead · 03/12/2021 21:49

Am I anti-mask? Yes, how could I be pro-mask when the benefits for them in community use with unregulated products, and ridiculous settings like school playgrounds are pretty poor
The benefits are not poor. They reduce viral load which makes a difference to the severity of the virus.

YourFinestPantaloons · 03/12/2021 22:27

How can you tell from just looking OP if they’re ‘genuine’ or anti mask?

EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 22:39

can someone explain to me why people assume i'm challenging anyone, or judging them for wearing them?

I'm simply pointing out three things.

  1. they're meant to be used by people who have a hidden disability

  2. they're not meant to be worn for you to lie about having a disbility to avoid wearing a mask just because you don't want to wear a mask

  3. In my personal opinion if you're the kind of person who would do B, and thereby devalue the point of a scheme designed to make life easier for people with disabilities, you're a cunt.

Where in ANY of that, have i ever once said i judge people who do wear one, or would ever challenge them?

OP posts:
EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 22:49

is it some neurotypical thing where you read some hidden meaning into words that isn't there?

OP posts:
YourFinestPantaloons · 03/12/2021 22:50

My point is why are you assuming ANYONE - or rather, a good number of people to the point you’re addressing them on Mumsnet - are no 2) rather than no 1) ??? Who are you talking about? How do you KNOW they’re anti-maskers and not people who need a sunflower lanyard?

Gilead · 03/12/2021 22:56

1) ??? Who are you talking about? How do you KNOW they’re anti-maskers and not people who need a sunflower lanyard?
That would be due to the bragging on mumsnet, Facebook and various other online places.

unname · 03/12/2021 22:59

@EmotionalSupportBear

is it some neurotypical thing where you read some hidden meaning into words that isn't there?
This is a ridiculous comment.

And don’t forget you told us your specific diagnoses but are now making assumptions about other posters.

ISpyCobraKai · 03/12/2021 23:16

I've never seen anyone brag about it.
I have seen many times people assuming they are just an excuse to not wear a mask.

YourFinestPantaloons · 03/12/2021 23:18

@ISpyCobraKai

I've never seen anyone brag about it. I have seen many times people assuming they are just an excuse to not wear a mask.
Same. Unless someone shows me proof (and I mean more than one lunatic/troll, a community of people) I do not believe people who brag about fake wearing lanyards even exist.
BogRollBOGOF · 03/12/2021 23:32

@Gilead

Am I anti-mask? Yes, how could I be pro-mask when the benefits for them in community use with unregulated products, and ridiculous settings like school playgrounds are pretty poor The benefits are not poor. They reduce viral load which makes a difference to the severity of the virus.
For general public use it is pretty poor. Even Germany with far stricter rules on quality is struggling. Wales and Scotland have not consistently fared better on infection rates than England July- Nov; cases have undulated around and have often been higher than England. There has been no clear correlation on mask mandates significantly altering underlying trends at population level when other variables are unchanged, particularly when most people shove any mask handy on their face repeatedly. The proportion of people wearing a well fitted, quality product is low, and that ratio goes down when most people dutifully apply anything cheap and convenient to their face for a quiet life because them's the rules. The people wearing better products were free to do so anyway and had continued to wear them if they chose.

Despite extensive use in the NHS, it's still been a significant source of infection after PPE supplies were secured. Masks are more helpful in that environment with limited other controls, and better quality items but they still have limited benefits and have been very far from a magic solution.

LEA guidence for wearing them on school playgrounds isn't even worth the printer ink and paper it's written on given that outdoors is by far the lowest risk environment rendering the difference of masks negligable in comparison.

They're an easy, visual intervention to stick on a risk assessment without considering how they interact with other variables such as ventilation, or their costs such as communication and inclusion. People are less attracted to interventions like opening a window/ having an air change because they can't see the difference being made.

LemonViolet · 04/12/2021 06:07

I work somewhere where all staff wear type IIR masks all day as policy, and we require clients to wear masks in the building as well unless exempt. We have a box on reception to provide clients with one if they don’t have one. I’m not going to ask about your medical history, I’m not interested, but if you walk in without a mask on and no lanyard/badge, I am going to ask if you are able to wear a mask and ask you to wear one if you can. I have to. We need to do everything possible to protect our staff, it’s a small team, small building with poor ventilation, and if more than one of us is off self-isolating then we close.

So I have this conversation a dozen times a day or more and have done since masks were first introduced. Genuinely exempt people usually just say “oh no I’m exempt” and we respect them and leave it at that (maybe say to our colleague as well so they don’t ask them too). We will remove our own masks as well if there is a reasonable adjustment needed eg a client explains they need to lip read.

Anti-maskers are usually unpleasantly combative from the get go, and only claim exemption after first complaining about the policy, saying they didn’t realise (it’s clearly signposted outside the building and every client is reminded in their appointment texts), whittering on about how they don’t work, how it’s against civil rights, saying they forgot their mask anyway, and it’s only when we say oh that’s no problem you forgot we have spares here, they go with claiming exemption. There’s been a tiny handful we’ve had to ask to leave the building because of how they’ve behaved on this issue and have been extremely unpleasant to deal with about it. I don’t believe a single one of them was exempt due to how they went about their refusal. They just want to argue about masks. We don’t have the time or patience for that at this point. We will still provide them with services as best we can, they just have to wait outside the building, which is how we operated for many months during 2020 anyway.

So if someone who isn’t genuinely exempt buys a lanyard off Amazon and sits in my waiting room inwardly chuckling to themselves that they’re getting away with it….honestly I don’t care, it’s saved me having to go through all that. It hasn’t reduced my respect for the lanyard system itself. I’m grateful for anyone not wearing a mask to have a badge/lanyard on. It’s been incredibly useful to reduce having to have the conversation about masks a bazillion times a day, which none of us want to do.