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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To remind people that the Sunflower Lanyard is for Hidden Disabilities, not a Mask Exemption excuse for anti-maskers.

161 replies

EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 10:52

Just wanted to remind people that the Sunflower Lanyard is there to let people know that the person wearing it has a hidden disability.

The scheme has been around longer than Covid, and buying one to wear purely because you don't WANT to wear a mask makes you a complete -insert offensive word here-

Thank you.

(obviously if you have a hidden disability/legitimate reason to be wearing one for mask exemption, i'm not talking about you)

OP posts:
BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/12/2021 15:03

I’m with the OP on this one. My son wears a sunflower lanyard in certain situations (yes he has hidden disabilities) BUT he wears a mask (literally whenever he is outside the house). Because he sometimes has his lanyard on he has actually been told “you obviously don’t really need that sunflower thing if you can wear a mask” - the person saying this thought the sunflower was purely about masks!

PAFMO · 03/12/2021 15:04

@Shuffleuplove

Ok so what you’ve done there is inadvertently devalue the sunflower lanyard.
No, the people (many of whom post on here) who say "I can wear a mask but I'm not going to put a face nappy on I'm going to get me a lanyard" are the ones not only devaluing said lanyard but insulting those who genuinely have hidden disabilities.
ClaudiaWankleman · 03/12/2021 15:14

No, the people (many of whom post on here) who say "I can wear a mask but I'm not going to put a face nappy on I'm going to get me a lanyard" are the ones not only devaluing said lanyard but insulting those who genuinely have hidden disabilities. @PAFMO

But who is saying that? I spend way too much time on MN and in the midst of all the ridiculous opinions posted here I don't think I've ever seen that.

PAFMO · 03/12/2021 15:23

@ClaudiaWankleman

No, the people (many of whom post on here) who say "I can wear a mask but I'm not going to put a face nappy on I'm going to get me a lanyard" are the ones not only devaluing said lanyard but insulting those who genuinely have hidden disabilities. *@PAFMO*

But who is saying that? I spend way too much time on MN and in the midst of all the ridiculous opinions posted here I don't think I've ever seen that.

Haven't you? Obviously you see fewer posts since "freedom" day but the deniers and refusers banded together in plain sight before that. They've a private offboard group now where they organize their pile-ins on any thread suggesting masks may be useful. You just need to look for hysteria and misinformation really.
ginslinger · 03/12/2021 15:31

Well Laurence Fox went off and got one and spent days taking the piss that he could just buy it off Ebay - I suspect he might not be the only person and that's what the OP is talking about.

Laiste · 03/12/2021 15:36

I just don't understand. The idea of the lanyard is for everyone to wholeheartedly abide by the ethos of: ''I have not forgotten to wear a mask, don't challenge me, i am exempt''.

People who advocate for the disabled side eyeing everyone in a lanyard wondering if they're genuine .... aren't you completely undermining your own set up?

It's going to be such a tiny percentage of the number of people alongside you in Tesco (for eg.) or on the bus who is wearing a sunflower lanyard when they don't need to - does it really matter?

Postdatedpandemic · 03/12/2021 15:39

@ClaudiaWankleman

No, the people (many of whom post on here) who say "I can wear a mask but I'm not going to put a face nappy on I'm going to get me a lanyard" are the ones not only devaluing said lanyard but insulting those who genuinely have hidden disabilities. *@PAFMO*

But who is saying that? I spend way too much time on MN and in the midst of all the ridiculous opinions posted here I don't think I've ever seen that.

@ClaudiaWankleman you need to speak to @chaosrabbitland only this morning she admitted to buying her and her DD sunflower lanyards because she is never going to follow restrictions again. Don't give her a hard time, she is small fry compared to some of the fake lanyard bearers.
GaolBhoAlba · 03/12/2021 15:59

Mask exempt and worry (about people judging you)? Don't.
I have noticed lanyards, and not given them a second thought. Those who DO give it some thought? Don't.

BiBabbles · 03/12/2021 16:24

I hate wearing the lanyard, it actually makes my sensory issue worse as I can't bear things around my neck

If it helps, there are alternatives to the lanyards like badges, patches, baseball caps & I think a few others are available from hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/shop.html.

I'm seeing comments like:
The fact that you can't be questioned re why you are not wearing a mask and anybody can decide they are exempt without any medical back up required.

What has ‘devalued’ the Sunflower Lanyard is that I can buy one for £2.99 on Amazon and have it in my possession tomorrow when I have absolutely no reason to wear one.

and what I see is that people think accomodations for disabled people have less value if they're easy to get, that we must get someone medical to verify for us since no one can be trusted to handle our own needs for something as simple as a fucking lanyard that might get us extra help. Apparently, without a doctor telling us it's okay for us to get that help, we just shouldn't have access to it or we devalue it. Do HCP give us value?

I mean, literally everything people are saying about the ease of getting sunflower lanyards can be said about RADAR keys. I can get one in pretty much any chemist, no questions asked. They can be bought online - I've actually done that. I know councils and charities that pass them out - no questions, no checks, anyone can do it. I can complain that there aren't enough public disabled toilets and they're too often put in ridiculous places without thinking RADAR keys need to be further restricted.

Remember, legally, the definition of a disability is a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities. If we consider a mask an everyday activity, then those who can't wear one without substantial negative effect can be said to fit that definition, even if they do not identify as disabled. It's not uncommon to find new issues when everyday life changes.

@EmotionalSupportBear YANBU to remind people that the Sunflower has for years been used to help people with hidden disabilities and bringing attention to the issues when social attitudes shift, often for commercial or political reasons like with fidget toys, about tools used to help disabled people.

However, continuing the attitude around that for any accommodation we should focus on 'people lying about disabilities' does little to stop shitty people and only perpetuates negative towards and by disabled people ourselves often against ourselves. I know people, and I've done it too, who pushed themselves too long and avoided getting help & accomodations because the social message is loud and clear that we have to do everything we can to make sure we're not 'fakers'.

alloalloallo · 03/12/2021 16:35

@Laiste

I just don't understand. The idea of the lanyard is for everyone to wholeheartedly abide by the ethos of: ''I have not forgotten to wear a mask, don't challenge me, i am exempt''.

People who advocate for the disabled side eyeing everyone in a lanyard wondering if they're genuine .... aren't you completely undermining your own set up?

It's going to be such a tiny percentage of the number of people alongside you in Tesco (for eg.) or on the bus who is wearing a sunflower lanyard when they don't need to - does it really matter?

Yes, totally agree

And @BiBabbles 👏🏻 👏🏻

CoffeeWithCheese · 03/12/2021 16:43

@GaolBhoAlba

Mask exempt and worry (about people judging you)? Don't. I have noticed lanyards, and not given them a second thought. Those who DO give it some thought? Don't.
Part of the nature of my ASD difficulties is being incredibly anxious and fearful about being pulled up on rule breaches and being confronted by people. It's why I drove myself to making myself a right bloody state trying desperately (egged on by people on here who insist absolutely everyone can comply) to find the magical mask or push through and desensitise myself in order to comply.

I'd give anything to be able to not give a shit - but I can't.

Noeuf · 03/12/2021 16:50

I don’t agree BiBabbles anything that isn’t enforced or somehow allocated gets abused. IME Disabled spaces - often empty Parent and child spaces - often full of non parent carers. If you can just take or use something that makes your life easier a lot of people will. Don’t agree or like masks? You can be exempt. Don’t like walking to the shops - parent and child space.
Accommodations for disabled people have either been hard to get or not useful generally.

MLMshouldbeillegal · 03/12/2021 16:56

@ClaudiaWankleman

Why get yourself so worked up *@EmotionalSupportBear* ?

Whenever you see someone out and about with a sunflower lanyard (which, in my experience, isn't very often) you will never know if they have a disability or do not. Do you assume a certain percentage of them are fakers?

Exactly! Do you really think someone who is very anti-masks and wants to give two fingers up to the establishment is really going to go to the effort of getting a lanyard? Of course they're not. They are going to just go about their daily business without a mask, and an attitude of "come on and challenge me if you think you're hard enough".

Those people with lanyards are the ones who have thought about and who are wearing their lanyard to show that they are exempt for whatever reason, not an anti-masker or conspiracy theorist.

I would never, ever use my lanyard in any other situation. As soon as the mask mandate is removed, it's going straight in the bin.

Soontobe60 · 03/12/2021 17:01

I spent yesterday at the Trafford Centre - didn’t see anyone who wasn’t wearing a mask being challenged. I also didn’t see anyone, apart from a woman in a scooter, wearing a sunflower lanyard. She had a mask on though. I took my mask off for 10 minutes at one point (I can get a bit disoriented as my glasses tend to steam up) and no one challenged me.
Today, I’ve been to a huge garden centre and to Tesco. Again, no one challenging non mask wearers, no sunflower lanyards in sight. I’ve made a point of looking as I’m interested how people approach the non mask wearing brigade.

WhenSepEnds · 03/12/2021 17:22

@BiBabbles

Remember, legally, the definition of a disability is a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities. If we consider a mask an everyday activity, then those who can't wear one without substantial negative effect can be said to fit that definition, even if they do not identify as disabled. It's not uncommon to find new issues when everyday life changes.

Yes! All of this!

Viviennemary · 03/12/2021 17:29

Is your glasses getting steamed up a reason why you can't wear a mask. And also feeling you are not getting enough air.

ClaudiaWankleman · 03/12/2021 17:32

Is your glasses getting steamed up a reason why you can't wear a mask

To a point I consider it a valid reason. If you can't see without your glasses, and you can't see through your glasses for the steam then what else are you to do?

EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 03/12/2021 17:49

The type of people who never wore a mask and never will are not the type spending money on a lanyard. They don’t give a shit about “proving” anything.
It’s people who actually have disabilities that are buying lanyards because they’re scared of being abused by the self-appointed Covid police.

unname · 03/12/2021 17:55

@EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad

The type of people who never wore a mask and never will are not the type spending money on a lanyard. They don’t give a shit about “proving” anything. It’s people who actually have disabilities that are buying lanyards because they’re scared of being abused by the self-appointed Covid police.
Yes and suspect there is an interaction between mask police, disabled parking spot police and lanyard police. All assuming they know what disabilities others have.
Mojoj · 03/12/2021 18:06

Here's an idea - everyone do what they think is necessary re mask wearing and mind their own business re what everyone else is doing. The fact that vulnerable people actually need to wear something around their neck so that other people will leave them the fuck alone is beyond tragic.

lonelyapple · 03/12/2021 18:15

OP, it really isn't any of your business why people wear a lanyard and I bet you would never dream of approaching a big burly man with a lanyard and lecturing him on hidden disabilities.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/12/2021 18:41

I have very rarely seen anyone without a mask, wearing a lanyard.

Most of them around here - a lot - are student age, often several together, inc. on buses. Presumably they just CBA to wear one, or are sticking two fingers up. Very likely the latter.
I refuse to believe that they are all exempt. I suppose they feel immortal and give not a fuck about anyone else.

EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 18:42

@lonelyapple

OP, it really isn't any of your business why people wear a lanyard and I bet you would never dream of approaching a big burly man with a lanyard and lecturing him on hidden disabilities.
of course not, because i'm not a busybody, and i take people wearing it at face value.

But posting about it on a public forum where everyone can see it, to remind folk of what the lanyard is actually meant for when i've seen people ON the forum posting they've bought them purely because they're anti-mask and lying about being exempt isn't against the rules.

OP posts:
EmotionalSupportBear · 03/12/2021 18:47

ftr, its the equivilant of someone perfectly able bodied using a walking stick to fake a disbility to get a seat on the bus because they can't be arsed to stand.

OP posts:
Goshitstricky · 03/12/2021 18:47

People are the same with RADAR keys for disabled toilets.
I have a few times heard people bragging that "you can just buy them and never queue for toilets again!" it's typical arseholes who are sad that the greedy disabled folk get something they don't! HmmHmm boo fucking hoo! AngryAngryAngry

(Sorry, it's been one of those kind of days!)