STILL terrified of SIDS....

mercury92 · 2021-12-02T19:00:28+00:00

Baby is 10months old and the poor thing still has to wear a movement monitor clip and sleep next to me every night cos I'm absolutely terrified of SIDS. I feel like the fear of death (literally) was put in to me by NCT 😢 Every day I wake up I'm so relieved that he's alive. It's like I'm holding my breath constantly wondering if he will wake up each morning? He's perfect and so healthy. I don't have any anxiety about anything else. If we are downstairs and he's in his bed I spend the night staring at it to check I can see he is breathing. I want to be confident in knowing that I have a perfectly healthy baby who is not going anywhere but I still can't seem to quite grasp that and am terrified of losing him, particularly to SIDS it would seem. I even hate him being asleep in the car cos I can't tell if he is alive or not! Crazy! Any words of advice for me? Please be kind ❤️

Hellocatshome · 02/12/2021 19:03

Tell your health visitor how you are feeling.

pastypirate · 02/12/2021 19:07

Are you having intrusive thoughts?

Is baby at risk? As in more than usual for example low birth weight, smoking parents? Health issues?

actiongirl1978 · 02/12/2021 19:10

That must be awful for you, you must be so sleep deprived. Agree tell your midwife.

Original poster

mercury92 · 02/12/2021 19:10

@pastypirate no not at all. If anything the opposite. Breast fed, no smokers, healthy birth weight, I don't drink alcohol really ever... I have no reason to have this concern!

OP posts:

mynameiscalypso · 02/12/2021 19:11

Are you the kind of person that statistics help or not? If you are, the risk is absolutely tiny. Especially at 10 months.

IgneousRock · 02/12/2021 19:13

OP I'm sure you know this, but just in case you don't, 90% of SIDS cases occur when the baby is under 6 months. It's really unlikely for a 10 month old.

Original poster

mercury92 · 02/12/2021 19:14

I think it genuinely comes down to not believing my luck - still. It's like it hasn't sunk in that I'm a mum. I can't believe I got him. He's just the love of my life and it's hit me so hard like a tonne of bricks! So I'm just terrified he will be taken from me in some way.

I guess these are intrusive thoughts yes and I do get other intrusive thoughts eg today I imagined our (very friendly, non aggressive beautiful doggy) attacking my child - not sure why this just popped in to my head but it's very upsetting. I also often imagine accidentally hurting my son and envisage the whole horrid incident - he's just so precious - I'm still so careful with him but I don't want to project my fears on to him!

OP posts:

giddyasakipper · 02/12/2021 19:17

DD is 4 and I still have these thoughts! I also feel the same way - I can't believe how lucky I've got to have such a wonderful child and something bad is surely going to happen to take her away.

I did however realise (after things got worse) that I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and after some excellent therapy I am able to cope much much better!

Might be worth having a chat with your GP or referring yourself for CBT - it's made the world of difference for me.

shepabear · 02/12/2021 19:18

It does sound like you are getting yourself unnecessarily worked up about this. Worrying is ok but this level of anxiety about it seems out of proportion to the actual risk. I don't say that to criticise- I have my own battles with anxiety and overthinking, so I know how it can be. Maybe you should speak to someone - it might be that this is a one off and that your anxiety around it will calm down over time, or it might be the beginning of more anxiety over your child's health over the course of their childhood. If it's left to fester then it may only get worse and more debilitating so have a chat with your gp about this anxiety to see if there's any help or advice you can get.

furbabymama87 · 02/12/2021 19:20

I was the same. I have anxiety anyway but anything to do with my kids sets me off. I don't know if this will be any help to you but what helps me is just knowing that anything bad can happen at any time and it's out of our control. Women miscarry, have stillbirths, lose children through accidents and illness. As soon as you are pregnant there's something to worry about and you'll always worry about them through every stage of their life.
The chances of it happening is small, but out of all the possible things that could happen, what makes this the most likely thing to happen right now? A friend of mine died of adult sudden death at the age of 28, completely unexpected. An undiagnosed heart problem. I'm sure her mum worried about sids when she was a baby, but that was the wrong thing to worry about.

CloudyStorms · 02/12/2021 19:22

I would have a chat with your health visitor, see if they can help.

ThePlantsitter · 02/12/2021 19:28

I think this is really common OP. A course of CBT really helped me with this type of intrusive thoughts. It doesn't make the thoughts go away, it helps you interact/live alongside them. By doing that they do eventually fade.

BatshitBanshee · 02/12/2021 19:28

I think it genuinely comes down to not believing my luck - still. It's like it hasn't sunk in that I'm a mum. I can't believe I got him. He's just the love of my life and it's hit me so hard like a tonne of bricks! So I'm just terrified he will be taken from me in some way.

Yep, same. DD is 6 months and I have the same fear. It was a very traumatic birth and she was in the NICU despite being healthy birth weight etc and the PTSD hit hard when she was about 10 weeks. I still cannot believe I have a healthy, happy baby and I feel like I'm waiting for the drop. I'm in therapy now and getting much, much better. Maybe look into speaking to someone about it?

toddybell · 02/12/2021 19:28

I had similar thoughts and was diagnosed with PND.

Bex268 · 02/12/2021 19:29

Get the owlet smart sock plus! It’s saving me my sanity. Yes, we can talk about how we feel to our HV but, at the end of the day, the fear is unlikely to go away. It sounds that, like me and a lot of parents, you have some sort of anxiety disorder. We can take pills to help relax us but they aren’t going to prevent SIDS.

Asterales · 02/12/2021 19:29

OP, I get where you're coming from. I'm a paramedic and prior to having DC attended many cases of SIDS. When DC was born, I was fine about everything else, but SIDS was my abiding terror. He slept on a sensor pad until he was 3, which is ridiculous (I can see that now). Lots of people will tell you that you're irrational, that the risk is reduced at 6 months, etc etc. It's all true, but that doesn't change the way you feel. Do what you need to do as long as it's not ruining the rest of your life. My DC is 7 now and I look back on that time as a tiny period of ancient history. I'm not anxious about him now, everything is perfectly fine. Just do what's necessary to get through this period and don't worry what people think.

Pickles89 · 02/12/2021 19:31

SIDS, as in unexplained death of an infant, is very very very rare. The trouble is when a baby dies of suffocation from loose blankets, or getting stuck between the mattress and the cot, or a drunk parent lying on them, that's counted as SIDS. And various other actually 'explainable' deaths are lumped in with the statistics which makes the likelihood of it happening seem greater. The truth is if neither you nor your partner smoke, if the room is a reasonable temperature, if you use a baby sleeping bag instead of blankets, if you never bed share when under the influence, the mattress fits properly and your don't use cot bumpers there's really no reason to worry.

Generic12345 · 02/12/2021 19:34

The way I came to move on from this when DD moved to her own room at 6 months was that I knew I wasn't watching her when she slept so what's the difference with her next to me or in the next room, apart from me waking her up everytime I moved, coughed, snored etc.

Obviously you have extreme anxiety but thinking along the lines above that might help rationalise /accept she'll be OK.

Generic12345 · 02/12/2021 19:35

Sorry, that should've been that I knew that I wasn't watching her while I was asleep

Suzanne999 · 02/12/2021 19:36

I think what you’re experiencing is quite common. You say you can’t believe how lucky you are to have a perfectly healthy son so it’s as if your brain is practicing, preparing for something going wrong.
You know statistically the chances of harm coming to your child are very low but this doesn’t help when your mind goes into overdrive.
I think talking therapy might help. Start with your health visitor or GP.

royco · 02/12/2021 19:36

My son is nearly 4 and I still check he's breathing sometimes

Newuser82 · 02/12/2021 19:37

Do you have a mirror in your car so you can see him while driving? That helps me as if he is asleep (with eyes shut) I know he is ok. If you know what I mean? And yes, I’m aware I sound crazy. I still have a breathing monitor on my two year old for my peace of mind. And to be honest I’d be more than happy to have one on my older boy . And yes I do suffer with anxiety 😂🙈. They are just so precious aren’t they.

ComeAllYeFaithful · 02/12/2021 19:38

My child had a breathing monitor until they were 3. So I can’t help you OP. It’s very hard

beekeepershat · 02/12/2021 19:39

@mercury92

I think it genuinely comes down to not believing my luck - still. It's like it hasn't sunk in that I'm a mum. I can't believe I got him. He's just the love of my life and it's hit me so hard like a tonne of bricks! So I'm just terrified he will be taken from me in some way.

I guess these are intrusive thoughts yes and I do get other intrusive thoughts eg today I imagined our (very friendly, non aggressive beautiful doggy) attacking my child - not sure why this just popped in to my head but it's very upsetting. I also often imagine accidentally hurting my son and envisage the whole horrid incident - he's just so precious - I'm still so careful with him but I don't want to project my fears on to him!

I had exactly the same experience with my first. I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety and I had CBT which was soooo helpful.

With my second baby I was so different and much much less worried.

Speak to your GP.

shenanigans5 · 02/12/2021 19:39

This type of thing is really common. I had visions of harm coming to both of mine when they were tiny. It’s horrible. It did pass for me thank fully but I think it was my brain calibrating to how vulnerable they are and dependent on me to keep them safe.

Talk to your HV, mum friends, anyone kind- I’m sure you’ll find someone who’s going through the same thing.

And yes- 4 months is the peak for SIDS and at 10 months with no risk factors it’d be a minuscule risk. I worried about sids and read endless papers on it. One stuck in my mind- research showed that there needed to be an exacerbating factor in pretty much every case- so baby on front (before they can roll), smoking and drug use in parents, parent falling asleep on sofa holding baby, underlying infection such as the types of pathogens causing sepsis and meningitis… I can’t remember them all but I remember being very reassured by the paper at the time. And it was published in a proper medical journal- not the daily star or something.

Try distraction- picture something ridiculous like a fluorescent giraffe every time you get an intrusive thought- works for me sometimes.