To think the school policy is outrageous?

[wonderstuff]

Ds came home yesterday and told me he’d spent the day in isolation because he had forgotten his planner twice. Turns out he’d lost it. The planner is used to record times the kids have forgotten equipment or infringed uniform expectations.

Sent email to school as surely this was wrong, had my son intact sworn or been disruptive? School replied that it is indeed policy to isolate for a day for forgetting a planner twice.

I’m raging. All the missed schooling and they’re happy to exclude a child from more schooling for forgetting something. He’s very forgetful, I have adhd and suspect he has too, he’s not trying to be difficult or subvert the system. He’s in year 7.

I’ve been a teacher 20 years and never know isolation to be used for such a minor infringement. The same punishment for fighting and forgetting a book seems mad?

I’m not sure what to do, this is our local school, we live rurally so not many alternatives. I work at a great, inclusive school and could put him on the waiting list there but it’s 40 minutes away.

The school he’s had recently set for core subjects and he’s in bottom sets as well I’m worried this school is going to break him.

Physical or mental disability should be irrelevant - we don't punish adults with a disability who are struggling, we support them. So why is it ok to punish children? It's not is the answer to that.

@cansu

To me it seems excessive but I assume you knew the behaviour policy when you signed him up? I don't think you can moan about it now.

Many secondary schools have very strict systems now.

Can some one please tell me when schools become so dickish. Who are the teachers/ heads making up some of the ridiculous rules I see on hear. Honestly I’m beginning to think these people have sociopathic tendencies who lord over children and their wonky tie/ wrong shade of blue coat and wrong type of drill on socks. And as for the people justifying it by answers like the above Who actually gives a fuck if a child forgot a planner, what are they going to fail as an adult or something? No wonder so many kids hate school when the developing teenage brain seems to be oblivious to the rule makers

"Who actually gives a fuck if a child forgot a planner, what are they going to fail as an adult or something?"

I agree it's a wholly disproportionate response and that op's ds would be better served by some support, but it actually is a right pain if kids forget their planner.

In most schools this is where they write down their homework, the dates of their upcoming tests, the passwords they need to access online subscriptions and so on. If kids don't have their planner, they're writing all of this on scraps of paper instead and very likely to lose these - planners are supposed to encourage organisation, which is ironically exactly what op's ds needs. If you've got several kids without planners, a quick 'jot this down' becomes a bit more time-consuming.

Obviously, not endorsing a day in isolation for it.

It's Completely absurd what is going on with UK schools now? Who thinks of this garbage being put on kids and why are they working with children?

Sorry, my bloody car broke down last night and took hours to sort, 3 police vehicles came to my aid in and eventually sorted out a recovery when RAC weren’t going to be able to get me until after 2am.

Anyway, planners aren’t used for anything except recording forgotten equipment and uniform infringements, homework all set electronically, there are pages for home school communication but they are never ever used. Dd in year 9 and I’ve only ever had communication by email from school.

Someone asked about sets, I’m personally against setting with the exception of maths. My school don’t stream except for maths and some creative setting in gcse English, there’s no evidence it is effective and there is evidence it’s detrimental to those in lower sets. I’ve taught bottom sets and they’re a nightmare, naughty kids plus those with learning difficulties who end up not getting the attention they need. My son is average ability, but I suspect average for his current school is higher than the national average.

Anyway I’ve contacted my school admissions and will add him to our waiting list, he absolutely won’t want to go, but I think it may be better for him. I will also write again to the local school clearly outlining my concerns, might suggest on Facebook that others do the same.

Thank you for everyone’s thoughts.

Did he know the rules and outcome if he forgot his planner? If so a good life lesson.

Rules is rules

@junglejane66

Did he know the rules and outcome if he forgot his planner? If so a good life lesson.

Rules is rules

He did know, and after the first reprimand would have intended to get it sorted, but that intention, and all memory of it would have slipped out of his head as soon as his attention was drawn to something else. No amount of punishment will change that about him.

YANBU. I think that's over the top to me and I do not get why so many schools go to isolation so quickly over other types of discipline. It feels like jumping to the nuclear option. I wonder if they struggle to maintain staff for things like detentions or had issues with contacting parents.

I had isolation twice as a child for what I could have admitted at the time was extreme behaviour (even if I still think the school played a big role in those). The isolation wasn't just a punishment for me, it enabled time to put in place preventative measures and support.

I'm not sure if moving at this point will be the best option, there is a lot of factors to that to consider, but I'd definitely be going through the behaviour and discipline policies with a fine tooth comb and trying to have some conversations.

@wonderstuff

Don’t have a diagnosis for him and waiting list for assessment is at least 3 years here. I am planning on trying to arrange a meeting to explain his difficulties, I do think it could be disability discrimination. School are aware that we suspect adhd.

I was told similar length of time however it was nothing like that long.

I went to the GP in March 2020. He was diagnosed with ASD March 2021 and ADHD September 2021. Both of them he's borderline, but just enough to get diagnosed.
It wouldn't have taken so long to get the first diagnosis if it hadn't been for the first lockdown because everything was held up till September too.

I'd be furious, what a stupid policy.

I was punished all through school for forgetting things. It's not intentional or malicious, its just how some peoples brains work.

I don't think it's fair to punish people for how their brains work, diagnosis or not. They could work with him to develop strategies to help him remember. Like a checklist or keeping a calendar or a notebook. That might actually help him and be productive, unlike missing a day of school.

Especially after all the missed school, thats appalling to me.

Instead of excusing, why don't you action it all. Speak to Senco and HoY about his possible adhd, call GP and get them to chase assessment, call assessment yourself and chase.

Did he tell you that you forgot it the first time? What did you suggest he do? I would've sent him immediately to head of year to buy a new one. Problem solved.

He can't keep burying his head in the sand. If he has adhd he's going to need lots of help, organising himself is a car crash, so tell Senco that punishments aren't appropriate. And discuss what is going to be done, moving forward.

@Oblomov21

Instead of excusing, why don't you action it all. Speak to Senco and HoY about his possible adhd, call GP and get them to chase assessment, call assessment yourself and chase.

Did he tell you that you forgot it the first time? What did you suggest he do? I would've sent him immediately to head of year to buy a new one. Problem solved.

He can't keep burying his head in the sand. If he has adhd he's going to need lots of help, organising himself is a car crash, so tell Senco that punishments aren't appropriate. And discuss what is going to be done, moving forward.

He didn’t tell me first time, first I knew of the policy was him telling me after the isolation. I don’t think school would have communicated about it at all. I contacted his head of year and was convinced she would tell me about some poor behaviour he’d failed to mention, but no.

I also have adhd, which does make it all a bit trickier, I absolutely do my best to support my kids and stay on top of their stuff, but I’m never going to be that on it parent who never forgets a thing. I have discussed with him how important it is to talk to me and his tutor if he forgets his planner or other equipment. We have sent a big pack of masks into his tutor as he was getting into trouble for not having one on him, we’ve made teachers aware that if he can’t find his book it probably is in his bag, he rarely takes anything out of it. Generally teachers have been sympathetic and helpful up to now.

I’m going to look into private assessment. I self-referred to camhs and will try to chase that up, but I can’t get organised enough to sort my own adhd medication out, it is a real struggle.

Oh that’s infuriating I haven’t read everything but kids/young people with ADHD often have executive functioning abilities around 3 years below their chronological age. No amount of punishment will help mitigate this. In fact reward and positive reinforcement are way more likely to help even though the difficulties won’t be resolved. If you have ADHD and suspect he does (and your child has around a 30 percent chance of having it if you do) it’s very likely he does. They need to be inclusive and I’d point this out in writing. Any chance of going private for the assessment? I hate saying that but given that he’s in year 7 it’s worth considering if you can.

Sorry op I cross posted re private.

It's appalling. I have Asperger's and ADHD. I forget and lose things all the time. I would be very anxious about being punished for it but it wouldn't stop it happening.

I'm intelligent and motivated but I lose things. It would be far better for school to work with him on developing organisational skills than to pointlessly punish.

Move him!! And put in a formal weitten complaint. That is a cruel school. A 40 minute commute is nothing, I used to commute and hour each way for school and know many children who do that for grammar schools.