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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the school policy is outrageous?

91 replies

wonderstuff · 01/12/2021 19:05

Ds came home yesterday and told me he’d spent the day in isolation because he had forgotten his planner twice. Turns out he’d lost it. The planner is used to record times the kids have forgotten equipment or infringed uniform expectations.

Sent email to school as surely this was wrong, had my son intact sworn or been disruptive? School replied that it is indeed policy to isolate for a day for forgetting a planner twice.

I’m raging. All the missed schooling and they’re happy to exclude a child from more schooling for forgetting something. He’s very forgetful, I have adhd and suspect he has too, he’s not trying to be difficult or subvert the system. He’s in year 7.

I’ve been a teacher 20 years and never know isolation to be used for such a minor infringement. The same punishment for fighting and forgetting a book seems mad?

I’m not sure what to do, this is our local school, we live rurally so not many alternatives. I work at a great, inclusive school and could put him on the waiting list there but it’s 40 minutes away.

The school he’s had recently set for core subjects and he’s in bottom sets as well I’m worried this school is going to break him.

OP posts:

PinkMochi · 01/12/2021 20:00

Isolation should only be for behaviour! This punishment was too extreme for forgetting a school planner. What is the punishment for serious offences?

Candycotton · 01/12/2021 20:01

that is absolutely ridiculous

FoxIvy · 01/12/2021 20:03

@cansu

Suspecting adhd and actually having already requested an assessment are two different things. You can't accuse them of discrimination if you have not seen the GP and been referred for an assessment. School cannot go on parents' suspicions.

This is incorrect. Funding and support for children with SEND is based on need not diagnosis. To act otherwise could be discriminatory. I'm a SENCO.

cansu · 01/12/2021 20:04

Doona
Whilst many parents are reasonable and honest, some are not. While I am sure the OP has genuine concerns and has no doubt already consulted a professional about her son's difficulties, some parents would tell the school their child has a disorder as an excuse for not following rules or behaving in an acceptable way. ASD, ADHD are medical disorders which need to be diagnosed by a doctor. I have two dc with ASD but that doesn't make me qualified to diagnose anyone else! If the OP has consulted a medical professional and is awaiting an assessment then she could of course approach the school to discuss adjustments for her son. What can't happen is parent dislikes punishment so decides child has condition that excuses them from rules.

cansu · 01/12/2021 20:06

Foxivy - I haven't heard that the OP has actually asked the school for adjustments or a support plan before now. I would assume the school would have to have some evidence of need other than the parent's say so. In my own school, the SENCo would gather evidence of the need through assessment and discussions with parents, staff and child themselves. It isn't a case of parents say he might have ADHD so that's that.

Moonface123 · 01/12/2021 20:08

Kids are terrified now of making mistakes,.its all wrong, mistakes are part of learning.
Then they try and blame parents for school anxiety and panic epidemic, its a very damaging enviroment.

Sirzy · 01/12/2021 20:08

That seems very excessive.

But now it’s been highlighted it’s an issue then can you help him from home to make sure everything goes in? Ds is in year 7 and is has complex needs so I know he isn’t ready to take over organising his bag completely so I check after school and pack with him in the mornings so I know everything is at least going into school (and homework in a folder marked “finished homework” type stuff) I can then communicate to school if something has gone missing at their end!

Over time he will hopefully be able to take over more of the responsibilities but it stops forgotten things being an issue at least

RandomLondoner · 01/12/2021 20:10

To me it seems excessive but I assume you knew the behaviour policy when you signed him up? I don't think you can moan about it now

I'd guess the majority of families in the country only realistically have access to one state secondary school. (My definition of being realistic includes not paying thousands in moving costs.) I put the nearest secondary (here in London) as fifth choice and that's were DD would have gone, had she not gone private. Even families with more than one option are not going to have plethora of choices.

It's not like OP foolishly rejected 9 other schools with behaviour policies more to her liking.

riceuten · 01/12/2021 20:11

Is this Michaela School ? They'd can you for even thinking about forgetting your planner. So many people love Ms Birbalsingh, but love her a lot less when their child is given isolation for wearing the wrong coloured socks

Doona · 01/12/2021 20:11

But cansu, even if a child was just disorganised, they could still benefit from extra help with planning and being made to sit quietly near the teacher, which is all you get with adhd diagnosis anyway. Better than isolating them for the day.

echt · 01/12/2021 20:13

@Franklyfrost

I wouldn’t want my son taught by anyone who enforced such that policy. It might be down on paper that a student forgets their planner twice and are put in isolation but what sort of teacher would then go ahead an enforce that? It demonstrates a poor understanding of both eleven year olds and education.

The punishment was downright silly, detention at the most, I'd have thought.

But, teachers don't get to pick and choose which aspects of discipline they enforce, and those that do this make life very hard for those who follow the school's rules.

This needs to be taken up at a higher level.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 01/12/2021 20:15

@cansu

To me it seems excessive but I assume you knew the behaviour policy when you signed him up? I don't think you can moan about it now.

Many secondary schools have very strict systems now.

Meanwhile in the real world, most people don't have a true choice of secondary schools in their area. It's the catchment school or find the impossible way to get them to a different school that is difficult to get to at start/end times.

Santaischeckinglists · 01/12/2021 20:16

School policies are crazy ime. Ds was put in isolation due to his school shoes falling apart when the shoe shops were shut mid Covid.. I went and brought him home. After they had tried to take his phone off him for texting me.

Akire · 01/12/2021 20:16

Does seem Overkill. So not only are you bored all day and on own, you then have try catch up on work in my day that was copying friends books. No
Idea how they do that now. Then probable get in more trouble when he can’t understand or fails to do homework he didn’t know about. Next time he notices it’s missing why not just bunk off school for the day instead? What’s the punishment for that? Presumable happy for them
Miss a day in isolation room but not at local shopping centre!

walnutfalling · 01/12/2021 20:18

Research has said for years that this sort of punishment doesn't work and has a negative impact on kids. I'd be worried that isolation would not only be demotivating, it would have a very negative impact on MH for most kids. It wouldn't be enough to get special dispensation for my dc, they would be surrounded by other kids affected by the policies, it would not make for a positive learning environment generally. I think you need to try to get the policies changed completely or move. The head's head needs a wobble.

Wolfiefan · 01/12/2021 20:20

If his difficulties are so serious he can’t take a planner to school I would expect primary to have initiated an assessment years ago.
Does seem draconian but some schools come down hard on minor infringements with the hope it improves all other issues.
TBH I would be more concerned with the sets. Is that what you would expect based on previous info from primary?

pointythings · 01/12/2021 20:20

Secondary schools in the UK are just going completely batshit crazy. I have friends with teens in various European countries and they are amazed - not in a good way - when I tell them how things are in many schools over here. I'm so glad my local secondary is proportionate and sensible and that my kids are now out of the system because it's insane. I hate the assumption that kids are inherently bad and must therefore be treated harshly for the slightest thing.

BungleandGeorge · 01/12/2021 20:24

The reason that schools give for not assessing and screening for SEN is that they don’t need a diagnosis to obtain help and that measures are based on need and not diagnosis. Can’t have that both ways!
There seems to be a craze for schools introducing these sort of extreme policies. If you’re rural it’s not as if you have a huge choice so there’s no point in saying if you don’t agree you shouldn’t have sent them there! I’d pull him out tbh, he’s only year 7 it will get worse over the years. Schools that use these tactics usually make no allowances for SEN

gofg · 01/12/2021 20:24

Wow, things have changed since my school days (admittedly many decades ago!). What happened to punishments such as detention and lines? It sounds ridiculously harsh for such a minor misdemeanor

TheCallerWithheldTheirNumber · 01/12/2021 20:27

That sounds like a ridiculous policy for this particular "crime" (regardless of ADHD or not, and it seems as if pretty much every child mentioned on MN either has or is suspected of having additional needs). I would question with the school whether it will actually achieve what they hope it will. My guess is that it would tend to demotivate Year 7s, who then become really annoying Year 8s and 9s (which are annoying year groups anyway).

I'm not sure what your point is about your DS being in the bottom sets, though. Are these the right sets for him? If so, you can't really complain. If not, the school exams will presumably demonstrate that he should be in a higher set. Not all children can be in the top sets.

tsmainsqueeze · 01/12/2021 20:29

Totally over the top .
I can't get my head around some schools policies , how to put a kid off education in one easy step !
I hate these types of petty rules , i think i would look at the other school , if your lad is a square peg in a round hole he will never thrive where he is.
Why on earth would a school of all places assume everyone is the same and that making a simple mistake is unacceptable .
I have gone in to school only once to complain,a teacher was in the wrong and i stood up for my child .
I would be going in for your reasons too , may be if they listen to you they may treat your son with a bit more understanding and in time make the school a better fit for him.

TheCallerWithheldTheirNumber · 01/12/2021 20:29

@gofg

Wow, things have changed since my school days (admittedly many decades ago!). What happened to punishments such as detention and lines? It sounds ridiculously harsh for such a minor misdemeanor

@gofg what happened to detention is that it was re-branded as "activities" or "after school care". If you're trying to convince children that staying after school is somehow exciting and fun, and offering this as a great service to parents, you shoot yourself in the foot when it comes to trying to impose a detention on a pupil.

Drunkpanda · 01/12/2021 20:30

My dc has adhd and to be honest I have to be in charge of filling the schoolbag at night, or it won't be done.
OP do you think you might have the money for a private diagnosis? (Between £1 and 2 thousand where I live).
The 40 min drive to your school isn't really an issue since you would do it too, but the being apart from friends might be.

silkience · 01/12/2021 20:32

To me it seems excessive but I assume you knew the behaviour policy when you signed him up? I don't think you can moan about it now

Six posts in and it already starts!

Why the fuck do people trot this out like there is actually a choice when it comes to going to school?'

school is compulsory- if child doesn't go you are breaking the law and can go to prison - fact!
good luck getting a place at a school out of catchment unless it's graded inadequate
if you exercise your right to "choose" and go out of area the cost of travel can run into thousands so it's yet another "choice" that is the privilege of the wealthy

MrsKDB · 01/12/2021 20:32

I know two schools like this, one in Bristol one in Sheffield. Totally OTT on the isolation / punishments. There are yr 7 children already suffering from increased anxiety as a result. Think triple detention in week one of their secondary education for forgetting an exercise book or a ruler.

I’d put him on the waiting list for your school and move him. Environments like this are not good for learning.

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