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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend this much on ds 21st

78 replies

Tevion28 · 01/12/2021 05:29

His dad is giving me grief about it.
Ds birthday is Christmas day so combined I've spent £900 plus a holiday costing £1100 as a special 21st treat going on the 2nd of January.
Aibu his dad is giving me a hard time.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 01/12/2021 07:52

Does he appreciate what you give him?

WhatsUpDoctor · 01/12/2021 07:53

I don't understand this thread at all. But, OP it's not, absolutely not, how much you spend. Monetary amounts are irrelevant. Celebrate with your DS, tell him you love him and make memories (yes, cliché but entirely true).

coodawoodashooda · 01/12/2021 07:55

Is dad your dh or are you separated?

TheCovidScoorge · 01/12/2021 07:55

Is it enough? ConfusedHmm
Not being funny but there's people on here who have to spend £100 between 2/3 kids and your asking is over a grand is enough on a adult birthday? Jesus. Of course it's enough, you didn't even need to ask did you really? Stealth blast.

rrhuth · 01/12/2021 07:57

Yes you have spent a lot, it will be considerably more than the median average.

It is your money.

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 07:59

As long as you can afford it it's not too little or too much but to be honest your husbands opinion is much more valid than ours, especially if it's family money.

Cocomarine · 01/12/2021 07:59

Did you manage to put your own pants on this morning, or did you phone a friend to get them to choose you a pair?

Come on. Make your choice and own it.

For some people, that’s a staggering amount they could never afford. For others, they could afford that but the hell would they spend that much. Etc etc.

-can you afford it

  • do you want to afford it

That’s all you need to know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Doidontimmm · 01/12/2021 08:01

It’s my sons 21st just after Christmas & now I wish I hadn’t read this as I can’t afford anything like that amount!!

Ragwort · 01/12/2021 08:01

Why do people feel the need to ask others if what they spend is 'enough' ... it's just a pointless question. You see these questions all the time leading up to Christmas on Mumsnet ..... and then all the threads in January about how people are 'skint' after Christmas. Only you know the circumstances of your family budget.

Different people place different importance on 'spending' ... DH and I quite frugal compared to many of the threads about money on Mumsnet. We just don't spend lavishly on holidays, cars, gadgets, hairdressers, beauty treatments etc. But we do save a lot and paid off our mortgage in our early 40s, have a comfortable retirement to look forward due to pension planning etc so we are very, very lucky. But we wouldn't spend that much on our (only) DS's 21st, but we have invested in a pension for him since the day he was born ... we all make different choices (if we are lucky enough to have the choice).

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 01/12/2021 08:02

Are you in a relationship with his dad with joint finances? If not, your spending is nothing to do with him.

TyrannosaurusRights · 01/12/2021 08:02

It depends.

If you’re all earning minimum wage and this treat will mean debt and not being able to put the heating on at all for the next few months it’s too much.

If you’re a multimillionaire and he’s expecting a new Aston Martin he’s likely to be disappointed.

WoodenReindeer · 01/12/2021 08:03

If you gneuinely are asking both simultaneously then you aren't really worried are you? If you really were worried it wasn't enough you wouldn't also be asking if it was too much as inside you must know its enough.

However if you just want to chat about your DS and your lovely plans that's great too - but its not really a question of you being worried?

Santaischeckinglists · 01/12/2021 08:03

A very lucky boy.. Not spoilt.
Have a great time!!.
Hopefully he isn't a misery like his df!!

Hodl · 01/12/2021 08:07

So have you spent £900 on DS plus £550 for his share of the holiday? If you can afford it then the amount is irrelevant, if you can't afford it and are getting into debt for a 21st, then it's too much.

Enjoy your holiday! 🏖️

bowlingalleyblues · 01/12/2021 08:12

Why does his dad think it’s too much? Can’t you afford it? How much is his dad spending on your son’s birthday?

Bagelsandbrie · 01/12/2021 08:15

Are you with Ds dad? If so it’s more complicated because surely what you’re spending comes out of family money / what could have been spent as a family so your dh has more say than if you’re separated…!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/12/2021 08:19

It's all relative....

If it will out you into long term debt... YABU

If your yearly income is 200 000 YANBU

HolidayTime2021 · 01/12/2021 08:23

A holiday for both of you isnt spending money on him. Its a holiday for you as well.

So you haven't spent a fraction of what you say- and why focus on the money aspect anyway?

HolidayTime2021 · 01/12/2021 08:25

Does he want a holiday and the £900 item or would he rather have £1450 despot for a house or to buy a car etc?

Cocomarine · 01/12/2021 08:29

When we paid for young adult students (my stepsons) to come on a family holiday with us, it wasn’t really that much of a present for them!
Of course they enjoyed themselves, and they were definitely appreciative that we’d paid. But to a certain extent we were buying their time, and it was as much (more) for their dad than them.

At 21 (they were 19 and 22 in our case) they’d have rather been on holiday with friends!

Nobody treated it as this year’s present. A present would have been the same amount as cash to go away with friends.

Mrsjayy · 01/12/2021 08:29

Yes I think that's a lot of money to spend on a child but it's fine if you can afford and im sure your son will love being spoiled. I don't. Know what you're expecting posters to say there isn't any rights or wrongs you don't need reassurance from the internet but I do think his dad is right you have gone over board.

ClaryFairchild · 01/12/2021 08:30

Are you with his dad? I can't quite work it out from what you say. If you're not the. It's none of his business, if you are and it's joint money then maybe he's got a point? (Unless it's out of your own spending money.)

The amount you have spent is a lot, but it isn't outrageous or unreasonable. If it's a super expensive version if something you can get for £200 then spending £900 is crazy. If it something that is WORTH £900 like a good quality gaming computer then it's a reasonable amount.

lovemelongtime · 01/12/2021 08:35

It is what it is - its your money if you want to spend it like that then do.

But you are asking a question, so personally it is far too much but everyone has different standards and people asking on MN re presents are generally massively over spending -

Heartburnkillingme · 01/12/2021 08:35

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

girlmom21 · 01/12/2021 08:59

@HolidayTime2021

Does he want a holiday and the £900 item or would he rather have £1450 despot for a house or to buy a car etc?
£1450 for a house deposit? What is this? 1965?
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