Page 3 | Leaving baby overnight at 11 weeks old

MrsFin · 30/11/2021 12:54

Way too young. Tiny babies need their mums. They don't "get used to" other people at that age

Don't be ridiculous. People leave their children all the time. Sometimes because they want to, sometimes because they have to.

What do you think will happen to this baby if it stays with it's grandmother overnight, other than starting to form a lovely bond with it's GM?

HelplesslyHoping · 30/11/2021 13:02

I'm sure he had great intentions of you having a night off to rest and have time together but you'll likely be worrying the whole time. Having a few hours out of the house while your LO is looked after might suit you all better. I'm sure your baby would be just as safe with you as they will be with a babysitter/ family member, but it's so normal to worry anyway.

StrawBeretMoose · 30/11/2021 13:06

@WheelieBinPrincess

Ah, I think he’s thinking of a night alone leading to sex, sorry, and is sulking that it’s potentially not going to be on the cards. I’m cynical so I might be barking up the wrong tree.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there.

I'd be pretty peeved if DH behaved like this.
I don't think it's at all unusual not to want to leave your baby overnight at such a young age.

As it's for your birthday (and I'm guessing your first birthday as a mum) then tell him what you would like to do.

Nightlystroll · 30/11/2021 13:07

I had a lovely mil and we went to a music festival about 10 weeks after our first was born and stayed away overnight. It does seem quite young to have left him now I've been on MN(!) but it was fine and my mil loved having him to herself.
Everyone seemed to survive OK!

CovidMakesThingsHard · 30/11/2021 13:10

It’s your birthday and should be something you enjoy. You won’t enjoy so don’t. I wouldn’t either leave her at this stage.
And as for him sulking, that’s just a huge turn off if he thought he was getting a night full of sex, when realistically your want sleep, a lie in and breakfast in bed!

Skysblue · 30/11/2021 13:11

This isn’t about a ‘treat for you’ it’s a treat for him. He wants time with you when 100% of your attention is on him 🙄

Tell him “I appreciate the suggestion but it isn’t something I can enjoy yet. And as it’s a birthday thing, I’d love it if I can just say no and not need to debate it. Let’s instead [get an awesome takeaway and watch a great movie] / go on a day out to [ ] all of us together as a family.”

I didn’t leave DS overnight - or much at all! - until he was 3. He is the most secure confident loving kind little boy ever. No biting, tantrums, hitting etc. Follow your instincts and ignore those who try to separate you from your baby.

LightDrizzle · 30/11/2021 13:13

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

He is in a mood with you because you dont feel comfortable leaving your newborn who had a traumatic start...on your birthday where you're supposed to do something to make you happy?

He isnt being unreasonable to suggest it but he is being a complete arse if he can't understand why you dont want to.

100% this.
Suggesting this was fine, but his reaction to your preference for not spending the night away from her shows it’s not about your birthday or your happiness. It’s what he wants. He’s being a right twat.

Original poster

Dotty08 · 30/11/2021 13:17

Thank you so very much everyone for all of your replies. I appreciate all the different takes on this, I didn’t expect it to get so many replies.
I definitely feel like we are dealing with the trauma of baby being so ill in different ways he seems to need quite a lot of breaks from the situation where as it makes me want to be closer to my child.
I haven’t told him I don’t want to leave baby until they are 3, I just said I wasn’t ready yet. I’m not set on three I’ve just not really thought about when I would be ready - we’ve had so much going on but I’m definitely not now.
Think DH is definitely wanting some sexy time he’s turned into a super freak since having baby which surprises me he wasn’t like this before? And my post baby body is not sexy!!
Again thank you so much everyone you’ve really helped me.

OP posts:

Camembear · 30/11/2021 13:41

Don’t blame you at all. I wouldn’t have wanted that either.

DilemmaDelilah · 30/11/2021 14:10

@WheelieBinPrincess you are quite right of course, not everyone has the luxury of having parents close by who are able to look after their grandchildren, or indeed they may not have the kind of parents who they would trust to look after their children. I suggested it in this case because the OP said that her DH had suggested the baby stay with one of their mothers, so I assumed that both were nearby and trustworthy as the OP had not said that they weren't. Ultimately of course it comes down to what the OP is happy to do.

peachescariad · 30/11/2021 14:16

I wouldn't want to spend a night away with him - he sounds like a selfish entitled dick. Stay with your DD

justasking111 · 30/11/2021 14:23

@WheelieBinPrincess

Ah, I think he’s thinking of a night alone leading to sex, sorry, and is sulking that it’s potentially not going to be on the cards. I’m cynical so I might be barking up the wrong tree.

This. Just tell him not a chance of sex

Vuvuvuzela · 30/11/2021 14:31

It's a completely personal thing.
I didn't feel comfortable leaving either of mine overnight until they were over 2yo.

5keletor · 30/11/2021 15:03

Yanbu, she's still so little, for me that's far too young to leave overnight. It is personal choice, but I couldn't do it, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with her.
My oldest is over 2 now and has only stayed overnight without us (with grandparents) once, out of sheer necessity (when youngest was born). I don't intend to leave them overnight with anyone else for a long, long time.

WhenSepEnds · 30/11/2021 15:05

@Dotty08

Hey mums,

DH wants me to leave baby overnight with his mum or mine at 12 weeks old so we can have a night alone for my birthday.
Our baby has a heart defect and was in nicu for the first 3 weeks of her life so I just want to be with her 24/7 and to be honest I’m shocked he doesn’t.
I hadn’t thought too much about it but I didn’t think we’d leave the baby until she was like 3 years old to be honest.
Am I being unreasonable? I know he’s trying to be nice but I just want to be with my daughter.

Too early for me but each to their own! Happy birthday

Alltheblue · 30/11/2021 15:07

Do what you want to.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/11/2021 15:09

I wouldn’t want to at that age. And if you don’t want to, don’t!

Restart10 · 30/11/2021 15:11

Poor you and dd op, how is she doing? I think you are completely reasonable to feel this way, even if your dd didn't have health issues. Your dh is horrible for getting upset at you, it's clear what he wants. Your baby is so tiny, I wouldn't leave her either.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/11/2021 15:12

Think DH is definitely wanting some sexy time he’s turned into a super freak since having baby which surprises me he wasn’t like this before? And my post baby body is not sexy!!

That is interesting. Charitably maybe he doesn't want to lose his pre-children life. Uncharitably, it sounds possessive and unhealthy.

AvocadoOrange · 30/11/2021 15:20

I would have felt the same and my son never had health issues.

He is almost 3 and I still haven't left him overnight (maybe I would have if it hadn't been for Covid- I think I wouldn't be too worried if there was a reason to leave him now and would quite like a night off now)

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/11/2021 15:42

Could the grandmother come and stay with you overnight? Be in charge of baby, but not far away so you don't feel anxious.

YANBU to feel that way. You are supposed to want to be near them! I

girlmom21 · 30/11/2021 16:39

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Could the grandmother come and stay with you overnight? Be in charge of baby, but not far away so you don't feel anxious.

YANBU to feel that way. You are supposed to want to be near them! I

Have you ever been in a house with someone else taking care of your baby and not felt ridiculously tetchy?

EmpressCixi · 30/11/2021 16:46

YANBU to say 11 weeks is too soon for overnight away from you. An evening out is the perfect compromise.

But the whole staying with your baby “24/7 until 3 years old”...YABU as that is very extreme. The whole NICU and heart surgery on an infant is very traumatic experience to live through. Have you been offered any support for the trauma? It’s not unusual for trauma survivors to go into hyper-vigilance mode which is definitely what 24/7 until 3 years old sounds like. It also comes with constant worry and fear of the worst happening. All normal responses to traumatic life event. But you need support to process it so that you and your DH won’t be constantly in conflict over what is best for your baby.

Roisin78 · 30/11/2021 16:50

I have 3 year old twins that spent a couple months in NICU, they're fine now but I've still never left them overnight so I hear you, he needs to let this (lovely) idea go xx

MadeItOut21 · 30/11/2021 16:51

It's your birthday, you get to choose. He's an arsehole who just wants sex and is treating you like shit because he's not getting it. He doesn't care for you, your child or your birthday. He makes me sick.