Child maintenance advice needed.

[Cmsadvice]

Hello. I've name changed for this.

Ex and I have been separated for a few years. We have a son. He was employed and paid x amount a month in accordance with cms guidance. We didnt go through cms legally as we didn't feel it necessary. End of last year, ex quit his job to go self employed. He didn't actually end up going SE as it fell through with one thing and another. He has a stash of savings so continued to pay for our son at x amount a month.

Since September he has found full time work which is a higher income than his previous job. Today I broached the subject as he is still paying me a flat rate of x. When I ran the new figures through the cms calculator, according to that he should be paying y (more than what he is doing).

He has said that because he continued to pay me throughout his unemployment, he shouldn't have to pay more now. Its only £30 a month more. He said he will deduct what he has paid throughout the months he wasnt working until I have squared up with him.

Is this correct? Thanks for all and any advice. Prepared to be told I'm unreasonable for asking

Did you force him to pay you? Twisted his arm threatened him with the loss of his testicles?

He did a nice thing he is spoiling it now with his mantrum prices have shot up all over im assuming your not a millionaire?

He paid when he wasn't working, I think you're being grabby by going for the higher amount just because you can. I doubt your coats for your son maybe increased accordingly in that time, you're just being greedy.

Paying when your not working is what good parents do if they can afford to because they accept that there child still needs to eat

The thing that bothers me is he is applying for other jobs at the mo which is fair enough but he has the amount he has been paying in his head as a 'set' figure now and if I hadn't have mentioned it he would just carry on for who knows how long 🤷‍♀️

As for me being greedy..... hmmm well let's just says I know my ex better than anyone and it speaks volumes that nrp is willing to threaten rp with court over paying them back something which was for their kid in the first place. I'm sorry but roles reversed I absolutely would pay what I'm supposed to without quibble. Perhaps he should try shoe on the other foot?

@Theunamedcat

Did you force him to pay you? Twisted his arm threatened him with the loss of his testicles?

He did a nice thing he is spoiling it now with his mantrum prices have shot up all over im assuming your not a millionaire?

How did he do a nice thing? If OP lost her job she would have to live off her savings not refuse to feed and house her child until she got a job. He did the absolute minimum.

@tortoiselover100

He paid when he wasn't working, I think you're being grabby by going for the higher amount just because you can. I doubt your coats for your son maybe increased accordingly in that time, you're just being greedy.

Grabby?! OP would still have to cover her end if she lost her job and I would bet she covers way more than 50% of the cost to raise a child.

My energy bills are going to go up by more than £30 a month. And what he currently pays is laughable.

Grabby? Yeah absolutely the op is being a greedy cow. She should have stepped up when his first job went and paid his rent for him too. Ffs.

I think your ex has a point here sorry.

I know you say your energy bills will rise, I'm sure your ex's energy bills will also rise?

continued paying me x whilst unemployed. Very good of him too.

No, OP. Not 'very good' of him. He had savings. He therefore could afford to pay for his child, which is the basic premise of being a parent.

The comments here about him being better than many men, just reflect the dire state of affairs in the UK especially where so many men are given a free pass to renege on their responsibilities as parents.

He should pay you the proper amount now, and you should feel free to take steps to enforce that.

I think your ex has a point here sorry.

What point has he got? It's doubtful that what he pays covers anything like the cost of raising DC.

Of course he should pay the minimum required

Absolutely staggered that some people think this man is a ‘saint’ for paying for his own child - whose own needs for food and warmth did not cease - when he voluntarily quit his job. If the OP had packed her job in, she could hardly just stop paying could she?

The bar to which men are held is rolling along the ground.

So if the ex hadn't paid, as some of you think is right, what then? Should the child have had his food, clothes, activities, curtailed? And what (resident) parent would sit there and tell their child they had to stop football / dance / eating as dad isn't paying when they could dig deeper and cover it, which is what RPs do all the time. My ex cut the maintenance in half.. He had been paying a lot more than cms then the guilt over fucking off with OW ran out and now he does cms only. 50% cut. And my kids didn't notice because I covered it and put myself in debt to do so. Most RPs do the same, but an nrp, the slightest tremor in their finances is license to immediately reduce contributions.. But only to their child, not to tesco, the landlord or anyone else. Why is cms an optional, flexible bill??

He quit his perfectly good job in the first place to go SE when he didnt even have an income to fall back on. It would be different if he lost his job but he chose to quit knowing his business was just an idea at the time and still in planning stages. In the midst of covid. It didn't even get off the ground. So I reckon he only carried on paying me as it was all of his own making. I did suggest to him a few times about getting a p/t job whilst trying to build the business but he was having none of it.

He's a twat for threatening court (he's also wrong, he'd just end up having to pay the higher amount now as others have said). CMS is the legal minimum. He's not a saint for continuing to financially support his child from his savings in the same way he used them to financially support himself during that time - imagine what a loser he'd have looked if he refused to contribute to his child's upkeep while spending on himself (I'm aware that this is what most men do in that situation, but my point is that makes them tossers, it doesn't make OP's ex some sort of angel).

@changingchanges2

I think your ex has a point here sorry.

I know you say your energy bills will rise, I'm sure your ex's energy bills will also rise?

My ex doesnt have many bills. Food or rent or utilities. He lives with his parents. He has a phone and car. That's it.

Don't feel grateful for him paying whilst he was SE (or not), he quit his job, he did the correct thing and saved enough so he could still contribute as he should for his child after making a decision which meant he wouldn't be earning. He didn't do you a favour, he did what was right, people who do what is right don't get rewarded, it's the benchmark for life.

How is contact split?
Does he think his pmt never goes up. Ever?

How much does he pay?

@HugeAckmansWife

So if the ex hadn't paid, as some of you think is right, what then? Should the child have had his food, clothes, activities, curtailed? And what (resident) parent would sit there and tell their child they had to stop football / dance / eating as dad isn't paying when they could dig deeper and cover it, which is what RPs do all the time. My ex cut the maintenance in half.. He had been paying a lot more than cms then the guilt over fucking off with OW ran out and now he does cms only. 50% cut. And my kids didn't notice because I covered it and put myself in debt to do so. Most RPs do the same, but an nrp, the slightest tremor in their finances is license to immediately reduce contributions.. But only to their child, not to tesco, the landlord or anyone else. Why is cms an optional, flexible bill??

What would happen in a together family @HugeAckmansWife? If you don't have it you don't have it (in this instance he did anyway - but CMS wouldn't have had him pay)

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

It doesn’t work like that.

That’s like saying if someone was calculated as having to pay the CMS minimum of £200 a month but they decided to pay £250 that they could then come back at a later date and claim the £50/month back off you. They can’t. Because CMS calculate a minimum, not a maximum.

This. It’s not like a credit Union where you pay in come now and can draw it out when you need it.

So he has no grounds to stand on legally .

Also morally he was a fool to give up a well paid salaried job for DE during a pandemic when he has a child to support. No single mums have the luxury of doing such a self indulgent thing.

Also lots of mums / RP spend more than the legal minimum on their kids - I know I do . Don’t you OP? Does that make us heroes who get to claim it back from someone later ?

If I was paying child support for my children ( rather than receiving in ) it would be £300 a month. It costs me a lot more than than to keep them - they are three teenagers so it probably costs me that in food and bus fares alone before I put clothes on their backs or a roof over their heads.

So who can I claim that back from ? No one of course. Even though it costs me more the legal minimum to keep them. That’s just tough shit of you are a mum and you have to find the money from somewhere or your kids miss out.

That’s life if you are a single mum.

He comes to mine 3 nights a week and has dinner with us. He takes ds to his one night over the weekend.

@Cmsadvice

He comes to mine 3 nights a week and has dinner with us. He takes ds to his one night over the weekend.

Eesh. Sounds like you've bigger problems than £30 a month.

So he has good regular contact that I facilitate.

Why are you allowing him into your home for "contact"? You shouldn't have to see him, he should be seeing your child elsewhere.

Do you pay for his dinners three nights a week, too?

@tortoiselover100

He paid when he wasn't working, I think you're being grabby by going for the higher amount just because you can. I doubt your coats for your son maybe increased accordingly in that time, you're just being greedy.

Give over! The cost of everything is going up.