AIBU to think that most adults don't have enemies?

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The context is that I was writing prayers for my church, so obviously the scriptural message is quite a lot about forgiving enemies, praying for enemies etc. A (non-practising) family member was reading through the prayers and noticed that I had one praying for better relationships with friends, family, colleagues, and neighbours. She said I should have included enemies in the list and my answer was that most people don't really have enemies once they leave primary school.

We weren't talking about people who have been through civil wars or similar and genuinely have experienced terrible trauma at the hands of other people, but just average people in western democracies. And we weren't talking about whole groups of people, just individual relationships. Do you have anyone you would class as an enemy?

I wouldn't say enemy, but i have a nemesis...
someone who plays the same game as me but in a different team...

Yes - the woman who is after my seat at "7" in my rowing boat.

I think a few of us at the forefront of the gender/trans debate might categorise certain trans activists as enemies. Not for holding differing opinions, but for doxing, harassing and threatening gender critical women with injury, rape and even death.

I do always raise my eyebrows a bit at adults who have enemies. It's usually people who are somewhat chaotic and have a lot of drama going on. Always seems rather petty and exhausting

Yep, those petty people who consider their rapists or abusers and those of their loved ones to be their enemies. Ugh, they're so dramatic, they should just be kind

I know someone who's currently held against his will by Al Quaeda. No one from Al Quaeda knows me, but I'd definitely consider them enemies. His wife keeps moaning at them to set him free. Sooo petty and dramatic.

And I think it's fair enough to consider that certain groups are enemies of certain societies. I'm in England, and I'd count the IRA as enemies. I assume most of the West would count the Taliban and ISIS as enemies. I imagine many people in many societies would consider paedophiles and people traffickers to be their enemies.

In fact, I forgave my rapist, my kidnapped acquaintance's wife forgives his kidnappers daily, and I have happily and politely talked to someone from an IRA family. But that's loving one's enemies.

Well most Biblical language is a translation, - I imagine there is plenty of room for interpretation. I would interpret enemies as those who wish me harm or have done me harm' - I would include my XH in this, and I'm sure there are many abused people out there who have what could be described as enemies. It's not childish to have had people in your life who do not have your best interests at heart. rather the opposite - it is very naive to assume that 'enmity' ends in primary school, in fact it is adults who have the ability and the desire to do harm to others.

I would see enemies as a cover all word in a similar vein to 'those who trespass against us'. And people of faith may well want to pray for those people or forgive them, that's their prerogative, I don;t think you get to decide who people can or can't pray for. Although i a practical sense I don;t think it matters much - people can presumably pray for whoever they want to and make up their own prayers, yours are just a guideline or a starting point.

Nightmare neighbours, nightmare landlords, road wars, can't pay, we'll take it away, Eastenders. TV schedulers seem to think there are a lot of enemies!

The above are all over-hyped and extreme examples but certainly bad neighbours, thieves, ASBO types, work 'colleagues' who shaft you and falling out with family seem to create enemies.

I think I was enemy free until a few years ago when someone shafted me at work, a neighbour became an arse, and the shouty ASBO teens on the street annoyed me because they were waking up my baby.

I wonder if there has to be a bi-directional enemy view though? My enemies may not see me as an enemy.

Emnity is defined as hostility or active opposition.
I think enemy is a very strong word but most people have people that they find difficult and might work against their interests rather than for them.
A lot of people have people who they feel resentment towards.
I don't have anyone who I actively want to see suffer but there are people whose agenda I would try to thwart.
I'm not sure if that makes them enemies.

What an interesting question. My initial response was, no I don't have any enemies. It sounds so dramatic.

But in the context of why you're asking, there are people I wouldn't pray for, if I was inclined to that sort of thing, and a person who did me great harm who if I ever hear that they've died I'll be cracking open a bottle of something fizzy. And probably feeling hollow and empty afterwards. I don't consider them an enemy though, in that it feels like that should mean a current or ongoing situation while they possibly don't even remember me.

I interpreted enemies to mean anyone anywhere that might wish you harm because of your sex, nationality, religion, race, etc. Not necessarily people you actually know.

So to me, for average British woman praying for your enemies would mean praying for the Taliban to treat Afghan women and girls better for example.

I thought not but then I read more about how Theresa May was "a good hater" and realised I did recognise this. I don't do it personally but some do. Christians too. It's a thing

@Babybooboodedoo

We are (so I’m told) nice people and we have an enemy.

Our neighbours have unilaterally decided we’re enemies and I don’t understand why. Just the act of our plants growing and them being able to see the leaves growing up our shared fence, gives them a hernia and they have taken a strong dislike to us, damaging our plants and shouting at us for no good reason. They get especially vexed when we have a friend over in daytime, just chatting at normal levels in the garden.

We’re just a normal family with a normal garden, but they can’t stand the sight of us.

Do we have the same neighbours?

I don't have any, because I'm not in high school

Sure, there are people I don't necessarily warm too or like, but I'm pleasant to everyone.

I wouldn't class anyone as an enemy personally, but if the definition is someone I'd be actively opposed to then I can think of a couple of people I'd take satisfaction in turning down for a job if they came to me cap in hand. I don't wish them harm though....Does that count?

I have been abused for much of my life by my cruel mother and then a violent ex. Both of these are no longer part of my life. I don’t consider them enemies. I would never have anything to do with them again but I do not wish them harm. In a hypothetical situation where they needed saving then I would still help them (maybe not run into a burning building, but at least throw them a fire extinguisher and phone the fire brigade).
I held a lot of anger for many years but that is all in the past. I forgive them and wish them well for the future. I have prayed for their soul and that they have peace in their life now. Enemies to me are people I have an ongoing feud with or wish harm. I have no doubt my mum still wishes me harm but the feeling isn’t reciprocated: that anger and wrath torments her souls not mine. However my mum would describe herself as having many enemies, any slight perceived wrong would have her seeking ‘revenge’ against family, neighbours, shop assistants etc, you name it. She thrived on the drama and this is the sort of person I imagine when I think of the average person having an enemy, although I realise that might not always be the case

I have someone I would class as an enemy. He systematically set out to destroy me, my career and accused me of some terrible crimes.

All utter lies and to this day I don’t really understand why.

If that isn’t an enemy, I don’t know what is.

I hope his church finds him out. The fleece covered his inner wolf well.

There are many layers to that onion if he was capable of that for no reason. I expect to see him on the front page of the papers one day.

I’ve never encountered anything quite like that before and am convinced I never will again.

I agree with you OP.
I don't think , as a % of the population, many folk living in Western democracies have enemies.
As others have said, there are people that some might not get along with, and there are definitely the marginalised, but "people you might avoid" isn't the definition of an "enemy" to me.

It's like those memes that people post on social media about fake friends and two faced people...and I'm left wondering surely actual adults don't have lives like this!?

I think everyone has people they don't like or who don't like them but enemies I think would be very rare.
Maybe those batcrap crazy neighbour from hell stories you read on here would fall into that category.

I've had awful neighbours in first house we bought - made our lives hell at the time- and in first proper job had back stabbing belittling team leader - but I have moved on and no longer have to deal with them.

They both tarnished something I worked really hard over years for and was excited and looking forward to - but unpleasant as they were they did no lasting damage to me really just made life much harder for a bit and caused unnessary stress for me.

I know normal people with people they consider enemies - couple spring to mind where their best friends were OW - one case where life changing injures were caused.

Not sure DH would consider his worst ex boss an enemie but he does take pleasure when things go wrong for her - she's only person I've ever met who I would considered a candiate for being narcissist - but I don't think he plots her demise or gives her regular thought.

I don't have any ill will or bad feelings towards anyone.

Sadly I have one woman in my life who would kill me if she could, she's tried a few times over the course of my lifetime and failed, I'm miles away from where she is but I still wouldn't be surprised if one day I was walking down the street and a bullet went through my brain.

Most people don't care enough about other people to have enemies. Unless they're very petty, most people are quite forgiving of small (and even large) slights and just roll their eyes, shrug their shoulders, avoid the other person and get on with it.

So I agree with you in that sense, OP. To have someone you consider an 'enemy', you either have to i) be the sort of person who bears grudges, or ii) have someone do something terrible to you for which they show no remorse. Otherwise, if someone annoys you, they're just a petty arsehole you're rather not have to deal with. A nuisance. But not really an 'enemy'.

For example, one of our cats was run over by a neighbour when I was a child (around 6 or 7). Although we were all very upset, even at that age I realised the neighbour hadn't intended to do it, she was very upset about it and it was an accident. So it didn't impact our relationship long-term. But I don't think I could ever forgive someone who showed no remorse or ran over a pet on purpose.

I did for a long time. Some absolutely nasty people. Then after a few years, I moved on and don't dwell on them anymore. I still see them every year or so, here and there in town, and they still have it out for me. But I just ignore them and carry on. I really dont know what goes through their mind. But I also came across 1 person who likewise had also moved on/grew up. But sadly, some people never change.

Lord's Prayer is forgive those that Trespass against us so more those that upset us in life which is fairly common

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I have enemies due to my ex and his manipulative behaviour.

These people openly glare at me in the pub, they spend an awful lot of time talking about me so I'm told.

I just ignore but it doesn't seem to be stopping.

I've just gained an enemy - an old friend. Well, she hates me. I feel indifferent towards her. She's full of drama and has many enemies. I didn't expect to have an enemy at my age, but you just don't know what life has in store for you....