Resting away from home and hiding it

[Loveheartrose4]

I was in hospital having blood transfusions 3 nights ago I was so poorly with anemia. I've got 2 young children and have split from their dad a year ago. I've been dating someone else for 5 months and in the process of sorting my home with my ex. Unfortunately until its sold I'm living there with him and it's not easy.

I told family 3 weeks ago about new guy as I am out and about with him.

I came out of hospital nearly 48 hours ago and my ex had done nothing in the house. It was trashed. I was exhausted and felt unable to be relaxed so I've come to stay with my new boyfriend for the weekend. I miss the kids but truly want to get on my feet.

My family never bother much but 3 times now this weekend they've wanted to bring things to mine or invited me and the kids around. When I've declined they are asking me what I've been up too and I feel like I can't say I'm here. I did tell my mum I was coming for the afternoon yesterday and she commented I thought you'd want to be with the kids after being in hospital.

Do you think I'm wrong to leave my kids for so long? They are obviously with their dad. I've never left them this long. I feel like I'm going to get caught out and I hate it. My sisters just asked if I want to take my kids round to mums and I've said not today but not she's asking me what I've done today. I thought they'd just leave me to it this weekend not expect me to be going visiting.

Most women don't have a boyfriend with a nice clean tidy house to go to op. The rest of us still have to go home to a shit tip to be there for the kids.

I bet they were worried while you were in hospital?

Most women don't have a boyfriend with a nice clean tidy house to go to op. The rest of us still have to go home to a shit tip to be there for the kids.

So should the OP have to martyr herself just because some women don't have a boyfriend to go stay with? How would that make life better for those women?

Just dropping in to applaud you for prioritising your recovery. Don’t listen to the resentful martyr schtick from some PPs. I hope you find a solution for your health soon and continue to not be guilted into putting yourself at the bottom of the pile.

The rest of us still have to go home to a shit tip to be there for the kids.

Tbh I’m always a bit at anyone who decides to have children but omits to put any back-up plan in place for when they need to be away from home.

The OPs children were left with their father.

It makes no difference whether the OP rests and recuperates at a hotel, with a friend, with a boyfriend, at a relative’s house …

What is important is that she is able to recover from very serious medical treatment for a life-threatening condition.

The OPs children were left with their father.

From the attitude of some people on here you'd think OP dropped them off at the town common with a tent and two quid for the chip shop while she jets off for a week at a spa hotel.

Have none of the people thinking OP should martyr herself ever heard the phrase "you can't pour water from an empty jug?". OP can't parent effectively if she is exhausted, ill, or permanently damages her health by pushing through and sucking it up.

Oh darling, I had the same issues. I tried the Mirena, but bled for six months. (Dd15 has one for the same bleeding issues and is fine with it, so it was just a me thing.) Ended up going surgical route. BEST THING EVER!!! Haven’t had a period since I was 34, and at nearly 50 I can tell you hand on heart that I haven’t missed them either!!!

@LiterallyKnowsBest

The rest of us still have to go home to a shit tip to be there for the kids.

Tbh I’m always a bit at anyone who decides to have children but omits to put any back-up plan in place for when they need to be away from home.

The OPs children were left with their father.

It makes no difference whether the OP rests and recuperates at a hotel, with a friend, with a boyfriend, at a relative’s house …

What is important is that she is able to recover from very serious medical treatment for a life-threatening condition.

No need to pull that face at me. I face plenty of people to look after my children thanks.

Did your children know what was going on?

I imagine the children were worried when you were in hospital and would be more worried if their mum came home from hospital and suddenly disappeared again. I don't think it's martyring yourself to think of your children in this situation. You could have just gone to bed and ignored the mess which let's be honest is what your ex would have done.

If the children knew roughly what was happening, and knew their mum was okay, and were fed and comfortable then it's fine. But it does sound your family seem to think you need to spend some time with your children and only you know if they are just being nosy and judegmental or if that's genuine concern for the dc

I can see why mumsnet is full of tired women all carrying all the mental load, simply because they've opted for martyrdom.

Bet that feckless fucker left it expecting OP to get back from hospital and straight into the kitchen.

And her family are not assuming she's already spending too much time with her boyfriend; just that the kids will miss her as she's already been away for 2 days and presumably as she's not usually away from them for long.

Hope you're feeling better OP.