To be envious of people with successful careers

[woeismehoeismewhat]

In my 20s I was full drive and ambition, and thought the harder and smarter I worked the luckier I'd get.

I'm now in my mid-thirties having not really succeeded at all. And meet people who are the same age, or in some cases younger than me who are much more senior, and I feel incredibly envious of them. My own self worth comes into question and I just feel like shit.

I know success is subjective and I am so lucky to have my health, a home, and family and friends etc. but I'm very disappointed with this particular aspect of my life and at the moment it's eating me up a little.

I'm starting to feel like a failure even around friends who have much more successful careers than I do.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or AIBU?

Well, I have good a levels, went to a really good uni and got my degree etc. Come from a family of serious professionals, all the opportunities in the world...and I work part time in a pub...

Hope that makes you feel better 🤣

I'm actually very happy. But my career is not good!

I don't know, but what I will tell you is that I have achieved (surpassed even) my career ambitions and I feel thrilled and delighted. But I am not a better or more amazing person because of it, and it is not how I measure the worth of my friends and family either.

Also, a lot of my leaps in career happened in the last 5 years (35-40) with two small children to work around. So definitely don't give up if there is something you really want to accomplish. Maybe look at getting some mentoring or career coaching? For me it was partly luck and being at the right place at the right time I am sure.

Most people don’t have a lot of ambition, they want an easy quiet life.
If you don’t have ambition don’t beat yourself up. Not everyone needs to.

I don't really care about a career.

I love my office job, as a Secretary, which is good money. 9am -4.30pm. I am allowed dto work the last gour from home, so I can be home for my daughter, when she gets in from school.

My job is absolutely stress free.

I get a fab pension and great holidays.

Would I swap it for a high stress job for more hours and more money? Would I shite.

I've never been ambitious though, but I am a hard and loyal worker and I am very good at my job and have landed on my feet at this particular organisation. I'll be here until I retire. Probably in the same job and you know what. I'm more than happy with that.

I can see how ambitious people may feel hard done by though if they never fulfilled what they seen as their potential.

Hard work doesn’t translate into success. You also have to be in the right place at the right time and strike lucky. I know that people who are successful will whine “but I worked hard!” Yeah but so did a lot of people who didn’t succeed. So therefore hard work is not the determining factor for success. The key is whether your hard work pays off. You can’t blame yourself because you worked hard but your luck didn’t pan out.

Well it's never too late if you want a successful career. If there is no scope where you are now to progress, look into jobs that use transferable skills you have and go for it. I actually did a bit of a dip, I progressed quickly as a graduate and then left that career to work in a less stressful job, before making the leap to something else. I'm newish to the sector but on good money, good flexibility, plenty of chances to progress.

I’m fairly successful and high-up within my industry for my age, but all my friends have bought houses and have permanent jobs and are planning a new house or a baby or a wedding. I sometimes wish for those things too! And then they sometimes say how great my career has been and that they would’ve loved that… I think it’s normal to want exactly what you don’t have sometimes.

I try to think of it as: I’ve done everything in my power to do a good job. I’ve always tried my hardest and that’s what I value the most, both in professional and personal situations. Whether that brings the results I would’ve hoped for, is a different story.

If it makes you feel better I have a career and honestly I hate it.

I’m well paid enough that whilst I’m not ‘rich’ I can’t really quit without feeling guilty about throwing a lot of money away.

I have zero passion or motivation for what I do and I’m counting down the days until I can retire.

I wish I had a job I loved and cared about, but I can’t justify throwing my wages away.
The grass isn’t always greener…

I understand the envy you feel.

I am quietly ambitious, though not ruthless and had such high hopes for my career. If there is another level, I want to take it however I am not overly academic. I did not take the normal A Level route due to my poor GCSEs and did not get onto my desired degree course. I fell into my role due to transferable skills and feel stuck.

Although in management, it really is the first rung of the ladder. I am nowhere near as senior as I would like to be and I hate that my role is not specialist. Almost anyone can be trained to do it. I am not an expert in any one thing.

Like you, I now see colleagues 10-15 years my junior in jobs far more senior than mine.

Most days I feel like a failure and as each birthday approaches, it serves as a reminder that success is passing me by.

@Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead

I don't really care about a career.

I love my office job, as a Secretary, which is good money. 9am -4.30pm. I am allowed dto work the last gour from home, so I can be home for my daughter, when she gets in from school.

My job is absolutely stress free.

I get a fab pension and great holidays.

Would I swap it for a high stress job for more hours and more money? Would I shite.

I've never been ambitious though, but I am a hard and loyal worker and I am very good at my job and have landed on my feet at this particular organisation. I'll be here until I retire. Probably in the same job and you know what. I'm more than happy with that.

I can see how ambitious people may feel hard done by though if they never fulfilled what they seen as their potential.

Love this and I feel the same.

I would also add that, you can be successful when your job doesn't sound impressive on paper. I am proud that I work in a Michelin star place and we provide a really high level of service. I can do a lot of things that higher achievers can't and I work hard and am on my feet for my entire shift. I have done office work and had fancier sounding job titles, but I'm more proud of working in my pub. And I respect most of my colleagues a lot more than my previous colleagues who were often lazy and entitled fuckers with no work ethic. So nerr

I know that people who are successful will whine “but I worked hard!” Yeah but so did a lot of people who didn’t succeed.

This is so true. It doesn’t mean you weren’t good at it or have ‘failed’, it’s just that not everybody can succeed in what they do. Not from lack of trying though.

I feel the same. Qualified as a lawyer and packed it in at 38. Hated the office and the stress. I also suffered from depression which did not help.

I often feel like a failure, if I could have just applied myself more, perhaps things would have been better. I should have a big house now etc. Now I'm nearly 50, wish I had chosen a different career.

If it’s something you’d like then fair enough.

What will you do to get it? At 35 you do have time. So focus on action not feeling bitter.

I don't have a lot of ambition, certainly not to make a lot of money but I do a job which I love every day. That's more important (although I earn decent money at 51k) but I'd do it for less.

Yeah, I am in my 40s. Too late to do anything now.

In my late 30s, I felt very strongly that I hadn't done well enough, partly due to chronic illness, which also felt terribly unfair.

Then my health improved and as soon as I could do more, I realised the prestige meant nothing to me, I didn't care about the opinions of others, I just wanted money, so focused on that. The exchange of money vs time was the thing for me.

Obviously you know how you feel, but those feelings might change. You mention about believing in hard work. I find that really unrewarding.

Every career is different but I ended up just going for what was the best pay rate, on balance with things like commute.

I also take care with my money. It's easy to buy a treat because of a shit day at work, but that's a few seconds of dopamine, whereas saving will get you out of more work.

Something about hitting 40 meant I didn't care if anyone thought I'd underachieved. I didn't realise that was bugging me till it stopped!

@Touty

I feel the same. Qualified as a lawyer and packed it in at 38. Hated the office and the stress. I also suffered from depression which did not help.

I often feel like a failure, if I could have just applied myself more, perhaps things would have been better. I should have a big house now etc. Now I'm nearly 50, wish I had chosen a different career.

I'm a bit the same. Qualified lawyer who took time out after my 4th was born, then my 5th arrived a year later and whilst I meant to go back to work at some point I think now I have just left it too late. Have not worked in in law now for 15 years but I'm too young to retire yet too old to try and get back in to law, and I don't think I would even want to as I wasn't exactly passionate about it, but feel I have wasted my qualification and my self confidence is very low because of the fact I have no career.

Well, I have a PhD and a once thriving academic career. Now, I'm a stay at home mum to two young kids and my career is a distant memory. Despite my experience and qualifications I have zero confidence, and feel that I will be overlooked if Inteiednto re-enter my career after eight years out raising my family. I wouldn't change things, as I have had so much enjoyment raising my kids. But I do feel that all of my hard work in my previous career life accounts for very little now. I'm up against recent post docs with no family ties etc. Unfortunately, I know so many women who have had to make a decision between family and career. Unlike my male counterparts who have never had to make such a choice.

It really isn't too late. My mum didn't even start her career till her late 40s and i have loved watching her career go from strength to strength.

YANBU

It really does go both ways. By MN standards I'm probably not very successful but I would say most ordinary people off MN would say I am. I envy people who work 2-3 days a week whilst raising their children who aren't worried about having to maintain or re establish their career when their children are grown. To be able to do a job where you rock up, do your hours and go home and that's it. I know it's not that simple, but in my head and with grass is greener syndrome that is how I see it sometimes.

I envy those who seem to go through life blissfully too. I've had some really crappy and traumatic experiences, and whilst it makes me very empathetic, sometimes I think life would be much more enjoyable if I were ignorant and a bit more selfish.

I couldn't care less about a successful career. I've never been the slightest bit ambitious, and only work to earn money to live. As long as I have a roof over my head, food, and can afford to pay my bills and have a little bit for spending I'm content and happy.

I've been on this earth for several decades and have witnessed plenty of people with great careers who aren't happy!

Mid 30s is still young career wise, and the job market is HOT right now

If you really want to progress your career find a new job (fresh start/first impressions last) and really GO for it

Excluding circumstances like disability/caring for SEN kids etc, career success is in your hands much more than other aspects of life (like relationships/fertility/health etc) so if you want it you can have it

I was at the start of a fantastic career after an amazing piece of right place, right time. Two kids later, I have amazing teens and my husband's career is great because I took on everything else.
My career has just picked up, I'm 46, but I'm not crazy for it. I wish my husband would credit me a bit more with putting him first, it was hilarious hearing him describe a solo school event he had to attend. No acknowledgment of years and years of my suffering!

@Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead

I don't really care about a career.

I love my office job, as a Secretary, which is good money. 9am -4.30pm. I am allowed dto work the last gour from home, so I can be home for my daughter, when she gets in from school.

My job is absolutely stress free.

I get a fab pension and great holidays.

Would I swap it for a high stress job for more hours and more money? Would I shite.

I've never been ambitious though, but I am a hard and loyal worker and I am very good at my job and have landed on my feet at this particular organisation. I'll be here until I retire. Probably in the same job and you know what. I'm more than happy with that.

I can see how ambitious people may feel hard done by though if they never fulfilled what they seen as their potential.

I love this and this is exactly how I feel.

I do a similar role, the hours are flexible around my childcare and I'm just as flexible for them (for example, if my boss contacted me at 8pm to ask me to log on and do something, I would do it without thinking twice).

I have a really comfortable set up there, in that they're prepared to do for me what I'm prepared to do for them, I get a decent enough pay to support our lifestyle, and I care about my job and the work I produce.

I think I'll only leave here if I get made redundant.