To be annoyed that he's dated someone else at the same time??

[mumhana]

Been married for 5 years and just found out that my DH dated someone else at the same time he was dating me, it was in the early stages and He stopped seeing her 3/4 months into our dating time.
AIBU for being annoyed? He says we weren't in a relationship then and were just dating but I am shocked!
In those 3 months we were going for dates every week. He always came across as such a trustable guy.

I had a friend and she was seeing 5 guys at the same time !.

I was for sure multi dating and dear dp wasn't, i would never ever bring it up and would dearly hope none of my friends would either!

@Nayday

I'm not exactly sure what you want to achieve here?! It wasn't cheating in his eyes, he called it off when things got more serious and you're now happily married?!

I don't think the exclusive thing is a US thing either, back in the dark 90's if you were seeing someone it was "just shagging" unless they'd shuffled over with their hooch, baggy jeans and naf naf t-shirt and said "d"ya wanna be my girlfriend". Height of romance.
Similar in the 00's, you were "seeing" each other but there would be some kind of nod to when it turned into an official relationship.

The 90s? 3/4 months in? No fucking way! We were more civilized than that, leastways my friends and acquaintances were.

In the 90s dates were less of a thing if you were shagging multiple people you were shagging multiple people we didn’t fanny about with this dating lark. If you went on dates you were considering them for boyfriend/girlfriend potential and didn’t tend to date other people at the same time. It was frowned upon.

I think the problem arises now as “dating” is the nice word for shagging in many cases. With OLD often referring to just “hook ups” as dates the two words are now conflated and the situation for those who prefer exclusivity from a date gets confusing.

I think its grim he was having his cake and eating it. She might have dumped him not the other way round. If your dating for 3/4 months it's a bloody relationship. I would consider it cheating tbh.

@Boygeorgiesblackneck

If he was shagging you both at the same time that's just grim

This.

Was he?

Because if he was, and I would expect he was, he is a duplicitous little shit.

It would definitely change how I viewed him.

3 or 4 months is a long time to be sleeping with two women.

@TomPinch

Random historical tangent.

I recently watched a DVD of British public information films on sex ed (go on, laugh then).

The assumption in those films was that exclusivity wasn't a thing (although, to be fair, nor was pre-marital sex, unless you fancied a trip to the clap clinic.)

You checked a) each other out b) you got engaged c) you got married weeks later. Exclusivity happened around stage b)

The point is that it's not just a recent American import.

Irrelevant.

Those were much more innocent times. What is new is the fact that it's now considered acceptable to sleep with multiple partners. That is an American import. As someone else has said 'dating' these days really means sex. I very much doubt most people posting here would be happy to think of all those lovely happy moments early in their relationship were actually all happening right after he'd shagged someone else.

@Aussiegirl123456

Oh gawd, I’ve been married sixteen years and we haven’t had the exclusivity chat yet. Didn’t even know it was a thing, yikes *rushes off to chat to the hubster to ask!

Actually that was my exH explanation for cheating (less than a year after the marriage) - wide-eyed "but we never agreed to be monogamous, don't remember ever discussing it! You should have let me know if it was so important to you!"