Thanksgiving

[1967buglet]

I’m American, my partner is British, and we live in the UK. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For the past several years, we haven’t celebrated because we have had to work. Fair enough. This year, though I went part time as I am retiring soon, and I said can we make a day of it and can you book one day off from work. Yes, sure, he said.

Well, he took off Friday, not Thursday (Thanksgiving) as I thought he would. He said we could have a nice tea on Thursday night then, and then have a long weekend. I may have gotten some crossed signals about which day he took off, so OK, fair enough. The tea is steak and frites (nice), but I’d like to have done the traditional feast. However, when I have in the past, he picked at the turkey and then disapproved when I had leftovers later. He doesn’t eat leftovers…each meal must be made from scratch. So, this was another reason I stopped celebrating it, because he let me know he didn’t enjoy the turkey much. It was well prepared…his mum ate the lot off the plate. I brined it and went to some trouble to prepare it well because he told me he thought turkey was dry, so his reaction was a little frustrating.

I don’t go back to America very much (twice in past 15 years, once for my dad’s funeral, once for work) as I don’t have close family. I don’t do anything much reflective of my culture …. No Halloween celebration, no American sports (only cricket for him), Christmas dinner is British, we eat British food almost entirely. I cook the Christmas lunch British style for him and his mom…they usually want ham because they like the way I make it, so I’ll fix that for them with sprouts and the rest traditional British sides, with roast potatoes, Christmas pudding, etc. I might get a few American sweets at Christmas, like Hershey’s chocolate, but that’s about it, so I don’t make him do/eat anything American.

AIBU that I’d like DH to have a proper Thanksgiving meal with me once a year? I guess I’m figuring it is one day I can be American a little bit and do something I grew up with. I miss it.

@loislovesstewie

Do all the Americans living in the UK celebrate Guy Fawkes night?

if their spouse does then I assume yes.

my dh is not British. We celebrate all the holidays we want to. I love Guy Fawkes, relaly don't like Halloween, so that is what we do. Why not?

@loislovesstewie I think the point is that if celebrating Guy Fawkes was important to you, you would expect an American partner to celebrate it with you.

Happy Thanksgiving, Op. I wish you could come to my home and celebrate with us and then hit the fridge about 10pm for turkey and stuffing sandwiches. 💐

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm American in the UK and managed to squeeze in a few traditional dishes. It was fun horrifying my colleagues with descriptions of some of the Thanksgiving dishes I grew up with too 😁. (Sweet potatoes with marshmallows, anyone?)

@tallduckandhandsome

I wouldn’t cook Christmas dinner for for this selfish sod. Let him cook for his mum.

Ditto!

sounds like a complete arse He doesn’t eat leftovers…each meal must be made from scratch. fuck off sunshine

It was fun horrifying my colleagues with descriptions of some of the Thanksgiving dishes I grew up with too 😁. (Sweet potatoes with marshmallows, anyone?)

I'll pass, with thanks,

How did this ever come about? Who, at some point in the past, thought that this might be tasty? And a whole nation of 300+ million agreed and adopted this as THE go-to side to go with turkey?

Isn't there some funny business with beans as well?

I had no idea Thanksgiving was so important to Americans (even though I have American friends) so thanks for educating me OP.

Share PPs views - your DP is a twit. Eat all the leftovers you want and let him fend for himself.

As you've guessed I have some sympathy with the husband because I really dislike turkey and as for everlasting leftovers! Yuk!
For years I cooked turkey at Xmas for my DH as he loves it, Boxing Day was turkey curry and then the dog and cat helped themselves. One year I thought, I can't eat this stuff any more, it's horrible. I'm spending a fortune buying food I don't like just to keep someone else happy.
Now DH has a small amount of turkey and the rest of us eat something we actually like. So, we compromise. I know it's only once a year, but it was way too often for me.

You seem to be missing the point

Aw OP he should absolutely be celebrating with you. If I had an American partner or from any other culture for that matter I would love to do their traditional stuff too.

And a whole nation of 300+ million agreed and adopted this as THE go-to side to go with turkey?

Nahh - this is totally regional! That's what I love about thanksgiving, because it doesn't have a religious element it's the ideal meal to be inclusive and flexible. I've had tandoori turkey at a Pakistani-American thanksgiving dinner, a friend grew up having turkey mole in a Mexican-American family, people down south have rice instead of mashed potatoes and cornbread stuffing. My family is from New York and New England, there are certainly NO marshmallows or sweet potatoes in sight! Roast squash and cranberry sauce is as sweet as it gets on our table. We also have seafood as part of our thanksgiving traditions and our family stuffing recipe is from the Silver Palate cookbook which probably marks us out as having lived on the UWS of in Manhattan in the 70s and 80s.

@FlowerArranger not all Americans like sweet potatoes and marshmallows! It's a regional thing, I think southern? I'm from the east coast and never saw it.

Turkey is OK if you brine it for 24 hours and make a really good gravy

I can’t understand marrying someone and not wanting to embrace some of their traditions. Even with relatives, we love expanding our celebrations to include their spouses holidays. We don’t do everything, but we can have a family meal or gather in the room while they light a candle and say a prayer, even if we aren’t believers.

Ah Cross Post with @Xiaoxiong

I’m just watching the parade in New York on EarthCam, looks great

Oh - and yes I celebrate Guy Fawkes, the Queen's Jubilee, Christmas, May Day, St Piran's Day (DH is Cornish), Mothering Sunday on the English day, Pancake Day, Stir-up Sunday, advent calendars, horrible quality street, the queen's speech on christmas day... and even though he has never lived in the States DH and the kids and I do Thanksgiving, Halloween (though he did this as a child as did his parents when they were young, I don't think it's as shock-horror nouveau American as some on here like to claim), Fourth of July when we have an ironic picnic and DH tells everyone to wear black etc etc.

What's the fun of traditions if you don't share them together!

@Classica

You seem to be missing the point

No, I am commenting on the fact that the husband doesn't like turkey!

you clearly don't get it and have instead focused on turkey, as though the turkey is the main issue

I haven't eaten turkey in years but if I was married to an American I'd sure as hell do the whole Thanksgiving thing with them. Because the the traditions important to the person I loved would be embraced by me. Rather than a small-minded 'don't like that. don't want to'.

Fgs it's not about the turkey

It's about a rigid and unkind partner

The OP's cultural traditions are no less important than his, just because she's living in his country. Both should be celebrated.

So basically I would have to eat something I hated just to please a man?

If my DH was American BTW, I would say OK you eat turkey, I'll have something else.

it's impressive how you continue to keep missing the point. A special kind of skill.

@loislovesstewie

So basically I would have to eat something I hated just to please a man?

No but OP's partner could:

Encourage her to make the traditional feast
Eat a small token amount of turkey (she didn't say he hated it, just didn't love it) and pig out on everything else
Not disapprove of her eating leftovers

No, it's not. The whole point of the thanksgiving dinner surely is that it contains certain foods as detailed by the poster. She says the husband doesn't like turkey. I agree she should be able to celebrate, but perhaps he shouldn't have to eat something he doesn't like. A compromise is required. I also said in a comment that I thought the OP was homesick which I totally understand and is focussing on this particular occasion because it is just so typically American and therefore compounds the homesick feeling..