About my husbands beard

[ClickClackClock]

Morning all, just wanted some independent advise. My husband (together 15 years) has suddenly decided to grow a beard. We are two weeks in now and I hate it, not how it looks, but the way it feels when he kisses me. Now I don't want to do that at all. Part of me wants to embrace it as it seems too controlling to say "shave it off or I won't kiss you" but essentially I don't want to have to do something I find unpleasant. Some of my thoughts have been that it seems quite selfish to do something you know your partner hates (and he does know) but then the other more reasonable part of me thinks but surely what he wants is also important. Help!

@MintyGreenDream

When my friends ex husband grew a horrible beard she made him put a paper bag over is head when they had sex 🤣

That is horrible!!!

You're allowed not to like it but some of these replies, oh my god, let the man be. It's his face!

I don't think it's any more selfish of him to grow a beard knowing you don't like it than I would think it was selfish of a woman to stop shaving her legs because her husband wouldn't like it.

Is it well kept? As long as it isn't long enough so that the hair kind of overlaps the lips, meaning it physically gets in the way when you kiss, I would say you just need to give it time and you should just get used to it.

I understand how you feel, facial hair totally freaks me out. Ok at a distance but the thought of anyone even brushing a moustache or beard against my face —— uuuuggghhhhh. Don’t know why, just immediately make me feel sick.

I could have written your post. I hate DPs beard. I hate all beards. I can't touch it or kiss him, I can't have him snuggle up to me. I would never tell him he has to get rid of it- but by the same token he knows it literally makes my skin crawl

He loves the way it looks and other people like it. I've tried desperately hard to get on board but I just can't. Same as you, part of me is so hurt he would do something he knows I hate and has essentially given up our sex life. I think he hopes it'll grow on me, but it won't. I've hated beards since I was a child. It's a visceral revulsion that I can't help.

I don't know what the answer is really, I can't break up with him over facial hair but I also can't bear it near me.

To those saying "oh but beards are sexy"- that is absolutely true if you are a person that finds beards attractive. I don't. OP doesn't. I'm sure there are plenty of things you find unsexy or off-putting.

A man without a beard is like an egg without salt

I'm almost phobic about them, they literally make me feel ill so DH knows I would go nowhere near him if he grew one. I can cope with long stubble and it's not the scratchy feel of it I mind, it's the look of the hair itself on a fully grown beard

Have you even told him you don't like it OP? I get where you're coming from with feeling you can't ask him to shave it but I don't think it would be controlling to tell him how you feel about it, then he can decide whether to do anything about it.

@Lifewith

You're allowed not to like it but some of these replies, oh my god, let the man be. It's his face!

Agreed

"DH want's me to shave down below - AIBU not to?"

90% YANBU and a chorus of LTBs.

Beards are minging. I can't and WON'T kiss my DH when he has got one. And I won't shag him either. He rarely grows one, and doesn't keep it for long. (Not when he gets no sexytime!)

His body, his choice blah blah blah, but it's also MY choice to not let him within 3 feet of me when he has got a beard. Beards are vile... BLEURGH!

They hold food too. No way can any man eat properly without getting food on his beard, and it makes me VOMIT just thinking about it... 🤮

@ClickClackClock YANBU.

Also, I don't believe the story of a woman putting a paper bag over her husband's head while they shagged, for one second. As if that would happen. Come off it.

I'm not a fan at all. I dislike the look of beards (don't mind stubble) more than the feel of them (though I don't really like that either tbh). Dh occasionally grows one for a while. His body his choice, but I'm always glad when he gets bored with it and shaves it off!

@ClickClackClock

Thanks everyone. I know I can't tell him not to. Is it wrong that I am wanting 'revenge' by thinking of doing something to my body I know he'd hate to increase empathy!? No idea what though, shame I can't grow my own beard :-)

Let your minge and other body hair grow wild. Maybe some pink / green dye too? Animal print pattern?

If he expresses ANY OPINION, just say "let's do a deal... I'll shave my minge if you shave that bad boy off".

You can't compare a woman hating her man's beard with a man hating his woman's pubic hair. When a man has a beard, many women can't even KISS him. So it is WAY more of an issue than the woman having pubic hair. PLUS, he has pubic hair, so the argument is stupid.

I totally get how you feel about it. My DP’s beard hair is so much coarser than any other man I’ve ever kissed - it makes my face so sore and red after kissing him when he has stubble. Maybe those saying their DH’s beard is lovely and soft aren’t married to someone who’s half-man half-yardbrush.

It’s a shame as he looks hot AF with stubble and I think a beard would suit him too, but I need him to shave before we get jiggy or I lose the top two layers of skin on my face!

Given how many women wax and shave themselves all over to make sure they don’t have a single stray hair to offend their man’s sensibilities, I don’t think having an opinion about your husband’s very visible, very scratchy and possibly very dinner-y beard is such a bad thing.

@LittleDandelionClock

You can't compare a woman hating her man's beard with a man hating his woman's pubic hair. When a man has a beard, many women can't even KISS him. So it is WAY more of an issue than the woman having pubic hair. PLUS, he has pubic hair, so the argument is stupid.

I don't understand why this means they aren't comparable? It's the same thing- body hair that partners sometimes have irrational aversions to.

@Franca123

A man without a beard is like an egg without salt

A man WITH a beard quite often has the egg, the salt and probably some soldiers too

And what if he said I'm notgoing near you if you don't shave your legs???
No sexy time or kissng for you unless you have your hair how I want it.
It's his body.

So many controlling comments on this thread.

is it a Dick Strawbridge one ? yuck just yuck

@FestiveMayo

You don't have to kiss anyone you don't want to. That includes husbands who decide to grow beards that you find icky.

This

@gamerchick

Husband knows I hate beards and won't kiss him if he grows one. It's his face and his choice but I can't can't. They feel horrible.

Same here

Gah. I hate that's 2 week stabby face beard too astoundedgoat, I refuse to kiss my DH for another couple of weeks and when he nuzzles my neck with stabby face... 😁😁😁

My dh grew one in lockdown. He looked awful, his facial hair is wiry and patchy and a full beard really doesn't suit his face shape. He looked really uncared for despite the fact he did all the beard care, like a little pet.

I didn't say anything until he asked for my opinion but I was honest when he asked. I certainly carried on kissing him but I didn't find him as attractive as without it. But ain't my face so not my choice.

But but but, he doesn't like my hair short. I sometimes do cut it short if I want to but I definitely take his opinion into account as I want to look attractive for him as he's my husband.

So he doesn't have the beard because he knows I hate it. I dont have short hair for the same reason.

@RaisedByPangolins omg your comment genuinely just made me retch. Urgh. Eggy beard 🤮

(PS I only learned that pangolins exist the other day, I love them!)

PP talking about beard oil and a comb- that is almost as bad as the beard itself! Eeeergh brushing your face!! Nooo!!!

But but but, he doesn't like my hair short. I sometimes do cut it short if I want to but I definitely take his opinion into account as I want to look attractive for him as he's my husband.

So he doesn't have the beard because he knows I hate it. I dont have short hair for the same reason.

Same. I love having short hair but I know DP prefers it longer so I don’t do it (usually). Have had a couple of ‘unauthorised’ hair cuts in the past and he’s always been complimentary but I can sense that he’d rather I didn’t, so as a rule I keep it Bob length.

As for pubic hair, he doesn’t really have a preference but I certainly would expect him to get up close and personal without at the very least giving it a good trim! As I’m not fussed about oral I just don’t bother with it, but if I was expecting it then I’d make sure it was a pleasant experience for him too.

*wouldn’t expect!

YANBU. Rightly or wrongly my DH has always known beards are something I can't stand. Fortunately he's never wanted one more badly than I've NOT wanted him to grow it!