About my husbands beard

[ClickClackClock]

Morning all, just wanted some independent advise. My husband (together 15 years) has suddenly decided to grow a beard. We are two weeks in now and I hate it, not how it looks, but the way it feels when he kisses me. Now I don't want to do that at all. Part of me wants to embrace it as it seems too controlling to say "shave it off or I won't kiss you" but essentially I don't want to have to do something I find unpleasant. Some of my thoughts have been that it seems quite selfish to do something you know your partner hates (and he does know) but then the other more reasonable part of me thinks but surely what he wants is also important. Help!

I hate beards, my DP has one, but I keep my views to myself, as I wouldn't like it if he said he hated my hair colour / style

I get it but in my case it's the reverse. I only find my husband sexually attractive with a beard/stubble - and any man I've been in a relationship with really. I can't bear it when he shaves it off as he looks like a teenage boy and it gives me the ick! He knows and only shaves it very rarely but understands sex definitely won't be instigated as frequently from me until it grows back a bit. I don't deliberately withhold sex or issue ultimatums or anything like that, but it's a strong preference that I'm honest about and he obviously wants to be attractive to me so is happy to oblige and he likes a beard too.

In the nearly 40 years Ive known him DH has never been without a beard. The thought of kissing a smooth-faced man is nauseating to me - it would be like kissing another woman or a child.
But on the occasions when he's trimmed it short it can feel a bit bristly to start with but it settles down within a few days. If it's hygiene you're worried about he may have to wash his face more thoroughly.
Hopefully either you'll grow to love it or he'll get fed up and shave it off. Although the change from daily shaving to a weekly trim may factor in to his decision.

My husband has very long hair and under lockdown, for some reason he grew a beard. I complained bitterly for months as kissing him was like an electric shock, until one day he came out of a long spell in the bathroom and he had shaved it all off! I missed it and he grew it back.

You'll get used to it, and if he's using all the shampoos and oils for beards it'll feel nicer. DH has always had a beard and it's always smooth, just gets a little stabbier when he's trimmed it.

I don't think it's controlling to say you don't love it, you're allowed to have your preferences!

A few years ago, after many years of my dh being smooth faced, he started to grow a beard. It was very prickly to begin with but got softer as it grew. The kids and I weren't that keen on it so one day he shaved it all off, and we were all NO! Grow it back! Turns out he suits a beard much more than not. I don't like it when it gets a bit unruly as it gets wider around his cheeks and I hate it when he gets bits of dinner in it, or his tash is wet from having a drink as it feels a bit like his nose has run, but apart from that I love it.

YANBU in not liking it - I'm the same in reverse, MUCH prefer DH to have a beard, and we're allowed a preference. And YANBU not to enjoy the feeling of kissing him with it.

It's a tricky one though, because how you word it can take it from sounding like 'honest explanation of feelings' to 'my way or else' - I feel you. At the same time, it's up to him and what he likes about his body/looks is his choice - DH would hate it if I cut my hair really short or had a full Hollywood wax, but I wouldn't not do those things just because he didn't like them, I don't think that's selfish. But I would equally have to accept that he wouldn't be keen.

If he asks about kissing, be honest - "I'm not keen on the feeling of it on my face when we're kissing, sorry babe". Light and not like you're issuing a facial hair ultimatum, haha. Let him do what he wants with that information!

(And, as PP said, you might find it better when it's a bit longer - spiky short beard is no fun!)

@MintyGreenDream

When my friends ex husband grew a horrible beard she made him put a paper bag over is head when they had sex 🤣

Of course that happened.

I asked my new boyfriend to grow a beard when i met him as i got such bad pash rash. Hate clean shaven men. Beards are so much more ...

@ClickClackClock

Thanks everyone. I know I can't tell him not to. Is it wrong that I am wanting 'revenge' by thinking of doing something to my body I know he'd hate to increase empathy!? No idea what though, shame I can't grow my own beard :-)

Cornrow your pubic hair?

I have the same problem. His never gets soft even with all the lotions and potions and months of growth. He knows he's not allowed to kiss me as I can't stand the sensation and have rosacea so skin is already difficult, equally it's his face/hair and he can do what he wants with it. But if he doesn't start shaving regularly we aren't going to last long term as I don't want to flinch when my partner comes near me.

Mine did the same when on leave from work, he has to shave daily for work as he can't grow a good enough beard to have one there. I hated it, it's patchy and a different colour to the hair on his head.

I stopped shaving too, he wasn't impressed either. We were a pair of scruffs

@astoundedgoat no,financial abuse on his part but I get your point

I make sure my Dh keeps his a certain length as too long and it looks disgusting plus I nag him daily to wash it properly as I feel like it harbours bacteria 🤢

@Chikapu it definitely did

Cornrow your pubic hair?

I now wish I could......

YANBU
My husband has a beard and it is horrible.
Sometimes after he drinks water/coffee the beard is still wet with the liquid when we kiss.
Also the moustache and colds is unpleasant.
I love him and it’s his body but wish the beard would go.

Well its clearly a choice between LTB or LTB. Hope he decides to lose the beard.

I think it depends on the nature of the beard.
YANBU to not like it.
An ex of mine had a very bristly beard and it badly affected my facial skin - red and sore.
Current DP sometimes has a beard and it's quite soft.

@sofato5miles

I asked my new boyfriend to grow a beard when i met him as i got such bad pash rash. Hate clean shaven men. Beards are so much more ...

A pash rash is nothing to do with a beard.

Beard oil + comb.
You'll be back to kissing in no time

I love a beard! In my experience, they are soft and lovely if cared for properly.

I feel your pain! My lovely DH has grown a beard a couple of times. I like the way it looks but it is too scratchy for kissing! My face looks like it has been lightly sandpapered if I try to have a proper snog. We've tried all sorts of products including hair conditioner, oils and asked at barbers for advice but nothing works.
I don't want to be controlling about it but really miss kissing.
If anyone knows of a product that actually works, please share. Thanks

He'll just be at the horrible prickly stage. It'll get softer and more pleasant soon.

I would hate this. I chose my DH because he doesn't have a beard and have always hated them.

I wouldn't be happy if he suddenly decided to grow one either haha